Coming Tonight!

Coming Tonight -- First I gave you Mr. Obvious and then I gave you The Nightmare Series. Now I give you something so different and so exciting, I have to let you know ahead of time!

!!!Check in tonight!!!

Questions of War

“No Anwers but Many Questions.”

"It's a serious piece. I hope you like it. Feel free to comment. "

When I read on Julia's Red Sox blog about D-Day, it made me realize that the first thought that anyone paints on that canvas, is a memory of the soldier. I have never personally fought in a war nor have I joined the service. I was born in the era of the volunteer army. Oh I've known people who have gone into the service, but have never had that duty bestowed upon me. It has got me thinking – what is a soldier and how should I feel about a soldier. Let me explain.

That question first encountered an answer when I visited the Yankee Air Museum in Michigan. It was, at the time, a fairly run down establishment, sponsored entirely by war veterans, who worked hard to preserve the air history of war. They were great people and still are even if the museum no longer exists.

I remember walking to a volunteer. I had to ask him a question which I always wanted to ask. I asked him simply, “I have never fought in a war. What is a soldier, a hero, a survivor, both, neither. Help me understand.”

It was a bold question. He looked uncomfortable at the question. His head immediately turned direction. I don't blame him. In retrospect, perhaps it was an inappropriate question to ask. I don't know.

His answer thought surprised me. It was a humble and honest response. I was grateful for that integrity. He said that he was happy to be alive and out of that war. He didn't feel himself a hero but rather a man wanting to stay alive in impossible conditions. I knew he was a pilot. I knew he fought in World War II. I left it at that.

I suppose I could also ask my immediate family but outside my Uncle, nobody else fought in the wars. My father stated he was 4F due to his feet. My Uncle often told more heroic fantasies than realities. His stories had the color and energy of any John Wayne film. He once told me he cut a man's arm off with a small pocket knife. It originally was a large saw and then a kitchen knife, but in fairness, he liked to change the palette once in a while.

Years ago, while camping with my wife, I met an Iraq veteran (first Iraq war). He told me he was glad to be home. I asked him what it was like. He stated that “when you're crawling on the ground with planes shooting at you from above, it changes you.” I asked him what that meant. He related how he felt life was something that was a given. Only when he fought that battle did he realize just how precarious and inaccurate those assumptions were.

I read a book once about a National guard soldier. It didn't do well in sales. I knew that because the author, whom I contacted, told me so. I wanted to talk to him to thank him for the book. It gave me a very accurate insight into life in basic training and as a National Guard soldier. He also fought in the first Iraq war. The perspective I got was how glad he was to be alive. He also stated that basic training was hell but was later glad for it because it saved his life in the Iraq War.

Over and over again, I get that idea from those who fought in wars. In watching Band Of Brothers, the HBO mini-series, and hearing the accounts of the real life soldiers who were portrayed in that documentary, I got that feeling as well. Glad to be alive and still grieving over the horrors of fighting that war.

That made me finally ask a simple question. On each Veterans Day and each Memorial Day and on each D-Day, we always remind ourselves of the soldiers as well we should. But do we ask about the war itself. War is horrible, frightening, scary. All those ideas come into my head. Is war necessary, absolute and required? Is it something that has to happen to keep everyone in line?

I remember someone after September 11^th stating that we should do genocide on every Arab country in the world. Nuke them all out. Others go the opposite extreme stating that war is utterly foolish and pointless. What's the right answer?

A person I met who worked for the U.N. Told me that “each time the word war is mentioned to a General, they get knots in their stomach. They hate war.”

But hating war and being glad to be alive doesn't necessarily mean we shouldn't fight wars, but I believe it does mean we need to ask some hard questions.

Is any war a good idea or a horrible consequence? It is part of who we are? Why must we fight this war? How many must die to win this war? What is the real cost of a war? Are we doing the right thing? Does war indicate our strengths or our weaknesses? Is war simply good vs. evil or is it much more than that? Are we making the right decision? What is the true cost of a war?

I have no such conclusion to those questions, but I do believe these questions, among many others, must be asked every time we signal the call to arms. War is not trivial and often times, only in its aftermath do we begin to understand what we have done.

Perhaps I can quote a military man who was a consultant for the movie “When We Were Soldiers.” He said to 60 Minutes reporter Steve Kroft, “respect the soldier, hate war. You understand?“

What's the point of the article? It's really about questioning the obvious -- do we need war? I have no answers for that. I wish I did.

Remembering 1975

Remembering 1975

"This is special for me. I'm writing about recalling a distant and great memory for me. I wish I had more time to do a few more drafts and perfect it but that's reality. Enjoy!"

As a Red Sox fan, 1975 was a landmark year for me. This was the first year that I truly followed the Red Sox and I have never stopped watching them nor have I stopped rooting for them.

I was fortunate to live in New England and I was very fortunate that my parents brought me to Fenway Park on that particular day. I had seen the park before but never for a day game and never in the grand box seats. They were just left of the dugout, right behind the batters box. I have seen other parks since then but Fenway offers an intimacy that you can't get anywhere else.

In 1975, the Red Sox roared through into the World Series against what was the Cincinnati Red's – the juggernaut of the national league. It was a special time for me. TV-38 was broadcasting most of the away games with Dick Stockton and Ken Harrelson and the great Ned Martin and Jim Woods gave play by play on radio. As a kid I loved Dick Stockton's screaming excitement and energy but Ned was the better announcer. Ned was a legend in New England and I miss him even to this day.

The lineup for the Red Sox that day was nothing short of deadly. Imagine having Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk behind the plate and legendary Cecil Cooper at first. Denny Doyle, a forgotten second baseman was as good as Dustin Pedroia was in 1975. Doyle was short, muscular and could hit for power. Everything came together for him in 1975. At short, we had the great Rick Burleson. Rick could backhand a ball like no other person. He was the best defensive shortstop I had ever seen with great range and great abilities. At third, Rico Petrocelli who played with the legendary 1967 Red Sox at short held the corner. In the outfield we had Hall of Famer Jim Rice in left in his rookie year. Rice was so strong he didn't need natural talent but he certainly had it. We had MVP and Rookie of the Year Fred Lynn in center and together with Rice, they were called the gold dust twins. Lynn would have been in the hall if he could have kept his body healthy. Oh what modern medicine would have done for him. Lynn was Ellsbury (minus the speed) and David Ortiz (as far as power). Lynn could do anything. I miss him. In right, we had my personal favorite Dwight Evans who I mimicked at the plate when I played baseball at right field. I think of kids trying to copy Kevin Youk today. I know that feeling! Dwight had an amazing throwing arm and great defense. Had he had the hitting ability he would have seen the Hall of Fame. No question in my mind. Of course that's what Red Sox fans do -- we see our team as the best in the league. I remember an interview with Darrell Johnson long after being let go by the Red Sox. He stated that he loved it when fans called his 1975 team the best. I think Darrell was right!

My family brought me to Fenway in 1975 to watch the Red Sox at home. It was that photo perfect day with a sold out crowd. I remember stepping into the walkways where you saw glimpses of the stadium from the concrete bunkers filled with concession stands and cigar smoke. Oh I was so hungry to step out into the stadium itself.

I remember walking out into that field once we found our seats. Imagine being on the field that once housed Ted Williams and Johnny Pesky. It was once Jim Longborg's home and the place that poor Tony Conigliaro got smacked in the face with a pitch. It was the place where history stayed on its grass and on the old scoreboard. While other ballparks moved on to larger and more commercial enterprises, Fenway Park remains from a different time.

I didn't have all those thoughts back then. I didn't know of Longborg or Pesky or Ted Williams. I was just beginning my initiation into Red Sox lore. I only knew I was in Fenway Park sitting down on those hard wooden red seats. There were no seats on the green monster nor were there upper deck seats wrapped around the infield. It was much simpler then and frankly a bit grimier and run down. The trademark funky wraparound corners in outfield were always there as was the short left field fence. I remember how I, as a kid, noticed how much of a landmark the monster was in left field. It was such an unusual feature it was hard not to pay attention to it.

It was the first time I saw the pregame warmups. Johnny Pesky signed a baseball I brought along. I had no idea at the time who this great legend was. He seemed so understated and low key but a gentlemen and a kind person. It was the first time I noticed the polyester style uniforms. Pesky was a class act. He only stopped signing with his pen when the game started.

I remember going back to my seat as the game began. Roger Moret was on the mound that day. Man he was tall and lanky. The Oil Can Boyd of his day. I was impressed. He pitched his first inning wielding a strong arm and an archaic delivery. Fisk was catching. Carlton Fisk was catching. Can you imagine that? A Hall of Famer and I got to see him live!

After the first inning, I remember seeing Fred Lynn at the batters box. They were so close you could see the fabric of the uniforms and their faces and their stances. I couldn't believe how tall Carlton Fisk was or how physically fit Hall Of Fame Carl Yastremski was or how muscular Rick Burleson was at the plate with his trademark bent over stance at the batters box. These were the Red Sox of another time. They weren't diversified. They were all about power.

By the fifth inning things were looking grim. The park was feeling like a cemetary. The Minnesota Twins with their sharp blue uniforms tore out eight runs in four innings. It was nothing short of a blow out. The game was boring to me and the initial excitement of seeing Fenway had faded as much as the paint on our hard wooden seats. It was still bustling with vendors roaming the park with the typical foods of popcorn and hot dogs and beer. Fenway was a working class ballpark back then. The blue collars shone brightly on the fans.

By inning seven, thanks in part to Fred Lynn, Yastremski and Rice, the Sox were now 8 – 4. The Green Monster was heavily used to get those runs. How I understood why the Sox had such a problem on the road. Fly ball outs were home runs at home. Now the excitement was in the air. These were the Red Sox of 1975 with very few weaknesses.

By inning eight, Lynn, Rice, Yastremski and Fisk pounded the ball and gave Minnesota a revolving pitcher's door until the ninth where the Sox had the game at 8 – 7. That's right. Three runs in two innings.

In the ninth, I got to witness the greatest comeback I had ever seen at Fenway. Cecil Cooper pinch hit. Cooper parted ways with the Red Sox in 1976 in a trade involving George Scott. George had the build of a David Ortiz. He finished his career with the Sox while Cooper never looked back. I still remember starring at him and watching the first pitch. Cooper quickly sent the ball into the right field bleachers. I still can see the angle of the ball and the way the crowd – including myself -- bolted upwards feeling adrenaline flow over us. It was now 8 -8. I could imagine Ned Martin screaming on the radio over that hit. I was certainly screaming and the once docile crowd was roaring with excitement.

Next came pinch hitter Doug Griffin. Doug was a great contact hitter that was small and diminutive. You expected only base hits from him. He was a bit like Dustin Pedroia but lacked the fielding talent and range to play day to day. Doug hit a base hit and my heart raced. Jim Rice was up next. Jim Rice, Mr. Power looked like a man you didn't mess with at the plate. This was Jim Rice! I mean, Fisk, Yastremski and Rice all on the same team. All Hall of Fame inducties. It was amazing.

Rice hit a line drive towards that dreaded hole in center field. It was the deepest part of the park and baseballs bounced around like pinballs out there. Doug was scrambling around second as the Twins struggled to retrieve the elusive baseball. Doug was now rushing around third. My heart skipped. This could be it. Doug was scrambling around third and heading home. Nobody was making a throw to home plate. Nobody! Doug sailed into home plate and was immediately grabbed by Fred Lynn who practically tore the uniform off his jersey. The entire team scrambled around Doug as if Doug has become the hero of heroes. The game was over. The Sox had won it 9 -8. They had done the impossible. The entire team scrambled around Doug just to feel that moment. Lynn looked like he was going to burst with enthusiasm. They were now just kids around the sandlot after winning a game. The crowd was deafening and blistering with excitement. I didn't even notice the Twins. All I knew was, I saw a moment that would last my entire life.

I think it was five minutes later when suddenly it was all over. The fans moved on to home. The team moved on to the dugout and whatever duties they had afterwards. The world had shut down around me. Fenway was now becoming a memory. The game that had so captured my attention was over. The time of utter escape was gone. What had happened? I wanted another moment with Yastremski and Rice and Lynn and Tiant and Lee and Drago and Willoby and all those greats I had followed through the season. Everybody moved on with their lives and as I looked back at the stadium, I didn't realize at the time how special that memory would be for me, or how long it would last in my memory. We left the stadium and headed on home. I was still reeling with excitement but couldn't believe it was over. This was a once-in-a-lifetime moment. Come on Mom and Dad...can't you see that? Do we always have to be so orderly and so organized? Do we always have to live and die by the schedule? Can't we just stay and soak up the grandeur of the moment?

To this day as I write it, I can still see those images in my head. The game is lost with time. It never got televised and outside a few surviving audio clips, that game will only live on in my memory. Oh why couldn't they have had the technology back then. TV-38, when they did film the games only saved the highlights. This precious memory would never be saved for the fans to relive it.

Carlton Fisk is now retired after making the Hall Of Fame wearing a Red Sox cap. It was a somber moment for me in a way. Fisk played more with the White Sox than the Red Sox and the Red Sox had not treated him well in the end. Cecil Cooper never looked back and found a home with the Brewers. Denny Doyle was forced into retirement and founded a baseball clinic. Rick Burelson found a new home with the California Angels (now the LA Angels) but arm problems forced early retirement. Rico Petrocelli managed the Pawtucket Red Sox for a while until he retired. I actually got the see a game that he managed. The Paw Sox were destroyed in that game. No comeback for him. Jim Rice makes it to the Hall. Fred Lynn, after 1975 was never the same and Dwight Evans, after going on to the 1986 World Series with the Sox was forced to retire with Baltimore. Lousy move. The Sox got a pretty useless power hitter in trade. Baltimore got the better deal. Dewey now is a consultant in player development with the Sox.

It always happens that at the start of Spring Training every year for the Red Sox, I think back at that game of 1975. It was such an innocent time for me. My parents are in Maine living out the rest of their lives. My childhood is over. My innocence, long since departed. My memories fading with time.

I think that's what makes us fans of the Red Sox. Maybe we don't necessarily care about outcomes. Maybe we don't essentially care about World Series wins. Maybe what we care about is that continuity. The continuity of the Red Sox. The players will always change but when you see Dewey Evans broadcasting a game or Rice getting into the Hall Of Fame, somehow you know your family is still with you. Maybe what we really see in the Red Sox is that family that is impossible to create in real life. This family stays with you. It changes but stays the same. It is dependable and exciting. It can break your heart but also lift up your spirits.

Sometimes, I confess how much I would love to sit in Fenway Park just one more time and watch Yastremski and Doyle and Burleson and Tiant and Lee and Drago hit the field one last time and make a game of it. Sometimes I would love a reunion of the 1975 Red Sox right down to Tim Burton and the other lesser known players. Sometimes I would like to go back in time and live at Fenway Park in 1975 and watch them play. I would love to see Darrell Johnson manage that team and Lynn make another spectacular catch or Burleson do his magic. Will we ever have times like that again? Will any of us? God, I wish we did.

Remembering David Carridine

It's hard for me to accept but David Carradine is dead. Now before you say (who???), let me explain.
David Carradine starred in a 1970's series called Kung Fu. I loved it as a kid and was enamored by the character. David was perfect for the role and really captured the essence of the character. I saw him on PBS once promoting material and I knew he was attracted to the martial arts and chinese healing.
I recently saw him in Kill Bill and was blown away by the actor. He was amazing and really made the film shine. I can't believe he's gone. He inspired me to take up Judo and to take better care of myself through beter eating habits.
I will really miss him.

Political Correctness

Bug Selig Shows His Strengths???

"This was brutal to write and I hope it works for ya. Imagine renaming the teams to satisfy a lawsuit. These are the results. "

Readers, this is an unusual meeting. It does not fall among the category of normal.

A short, stout woman with tall rimmed glasses, a small hat, a conservative blue dress with flowers and high heel shoes carrying a large brown envelope walked into the room of Bud Selig and sat down. She looked about seventy.

A long pause commenced.

“Good morning Mr. Selig.”

Bud just sighed with a forced smile.

“As you know the successful campaign for the Society for Holistic Informed Tolerance...”

“What does that spell by any chance???”

She paused and said ever so slowly, “we prefer to use the full name of our organization. As you know...it's all about the children and the love of children. ”

“oh this is gonna be good, “snapped Bud as he leaned back in his seat feeling waves of nausea run over him. She paused some more tapping her fingers on the table.

“As you know we are changing the names of some things in baseball to more properly correct the dysfunctional naming conventions that have littered your organization. The children see you as role models...don't you see...the children...the children!!!”

She nodded pulling out her folder and read it.

“Now let's start here. Boston Red Sox. We are egregiously upset over the misspelling of the name sock. The children need a proper education. We propose they are the Socks of Love...spelled of course S.O.C.K.S.”

Bud was so bewildered he simply said, “what?”

She coughed.

“In addition the Red...in Red Socks was the result of communist hatred of bygone days. Children do not HATE. We propose that it be named just Socks of Love.”

Bud nodded and said, “excuse me? They were 'Red' because the Socks were red. That's clear right?”

Bud rolled his eyes when she said nothing.

“Socks Of Love. “ coughed up Bud.

Bud paused. She coughed.

“Boston Socks Of Love, “grumbled Bud.

She leaned towards her large pile of paperwork. She pulled out a portable CD player. She pressed play. A man with livid anger on his face came on the screen.

“I am a Christian, I feel offended by the idea of using Devil. We all know that the Devil Rays use their cowbells to summon Satan to help them win games by calling on the occult. That's why they play in a dome – block out the light of God so that Satan can have his lesbian fiestas. It's time it stops before witchcraft is performed creating lesbian devils that will take over the world doing Satan's duties. Think of the children...the children...the children!”

If Bud fell off a building crashing into the ground and survived that would be the expression on his face.

“You have this nut case on your payroll and you say you're thinking of the children! ”
The woman stood stoic revealing none of her feelings.

“Fear not. We propose that they are called the Florida Electric Chairs as a reminder of Florida's wonderful history of electrocutions.”

Bud screamed and said, “The Florida Electric Chairs! What's kind of a children friendly name is that? Are you nuts! ”

She said nothing and wrote something down on her paper.

“However...sir...if you find that a problem as many liberals like yourself are against the death penalty. . . we will tolerate the Florida lifers!”

Bud paused feeling his fingers to ensure blood still circulated through them.

“How about...the Florida Palm trees? Unless of course you think short circuit for a brain thinks that Palm trees incite Satan worship?”

She gave a stern look on her face.

“Florida Oranges are acceptable.”

Bud nodded and said, “Oh just great! Why not have their uniforms orange like the county jail!”

Bud didn't get a reaction.

“Oranges have a high sugar content and promote cavities in children...”

“What has this got to do with ANYTHING!”

She gritted her teeth.

“Mr. Selig. I do not appreciate your attitude towards the CHILDREN!”

“Tell you what, get some brain surgery...it's the BEST thing you can do for the CHILDREN!”

She said nothing but pulled out the lawsuit. Bud smashed his head against the table.

“Fine...go on!”

She smiled.

“Sir...we feel that the 'Multicultural Socks' are far more expressive of children's values. “

Bud paused. He leaned forward and said, “Multicultural Socks! What in hell is that all about? Do they have to wear rainbow socks and Keep Hope Alive!!!!”

She said nothing.

“Chicago Multicultural Socks, “murmured Bud.

The lady pulled open the DVD player again.

“Get that #$#$ player off my desk. I will not hear that refugee from One Flew Over The Fruit Loops!”

She paused and put the player away.
“We propose calling it the LA Riots!”

Bud paused to contemplate the idea and check his watch hoping it was time to go home.

“Or the Los Angeles Rioters. That's OK too.”

Bud grinded his teeth and shouted, “Oh great idea...why didn't I think of that. I'm sure the LA Angels...sorry LA Riots won't be offending anyone in L.A and it's so good for the CHILDREN! ”

She nodded.

“Fine...Los Angeles R's will be acceptable if that offends you. We certainly want to put children first!“

Bud slammed his hand on the desk and said, “yes of course...now what planet are you from?'

Another pause.

“The St. Louis Cardinals are not part of the Catholic church...”

“Oh for heaven's sake. It's a bird. The Cardinal is a BIRD!” pleaded Bud holding his hands out in a prayer position.
“Change the name!”

Bud felt the headache coming on.

“The St. Louis Stuhlmann’s Double-collared Sunbird. This really does offer the children excellent education...”

Bud nodded and said, “oh I'm sure those four year olds will roll that off their tongues...with six months of practice!”

“Sir...there is one more thing...”

Bud didn't want to look up but nodded.

“The New York Yankees are incredibly offensive. It's like they never left the civil war with their jail house uniforms...”

“Pinstripes...like the #$#$ suit...” snapped Bud not caring if she heard his anger.

“The New York Statues of Liberty!”

Bud felt his head hurt.

“There's only ONE!”

The phone rang. She picked it up and gave a chorus of 'uh hu' and hung up.

“I've been texting them. They don't like the Los Angeles R's. It implies that they only read. We propose the Los Angeles R W A's for reading, writing and arithmetic...for the children. “

The phone rang again.

“Sorry, apparently that's the “Romance Writers Of America” promoting sex among our children!”

Bud nodded hitting his head sharply against the table.

'How about the Los Angeles Calculators!”

She nodded and said, “We prefer the children use slide rules...to think!”

“Los Angeles Slide Rules?”

“it's a sexual reference!”

“Los Angeles Feet! The only thing offensive is the odor!”

It became quiet in the room and she nodded in approval.

Bud leaned back. He wiped his eyes.

“The Mid Ohio Team for the Support of Native American Tribes and Cultures for the Promotion and Education of America so that such travesties will not occur again in the future.”

Bud paused.

“What the hell?”

“The New Name for the Cleveland Indians...for the children.”

Bud nodded.

“How in hell can they put that on a UNIFORM! Do they have to carry a @#$#$ flag behind them to hold all those letters!”

“TMOTFTSONATACFTPAEOASTSTWNOAITF seems reasonable.”

Bud nodded in disbelief.

“You're kidding...wait...forget I said that!”

Bud mumbled something to himself about being the laughing stock of the league.

“The Dodgers. Do we send a message to the children that we 'dodge' our problems instead of facing them. We propose the Los Angeles Problem Solvers.”
“Fine, “snapped Bud before taking more Vodka to gulp.

“San Diego Padres. They are NOT ministers. They are NOT Christian. We propose changing them to the San Diego Gringoes...”

“You've got to be kidding!”

She smiled.

“No...that is where I draw the line. We are NOT calling them GRINGOES!”

“Sir...the entomology of gringo just means foreign people in Spanish. It's good for the children.”

“So...only foreign people can join the team?”

She nodded and said, “good point. How about calling them the San Diego Nationalists.”

Bud didn't have an answer to that one but said, “it's YOUR choice...not mine!'

She nodded.

“Now...surely you can't find ANYTHING wrong with the Detroit Tigers...right?”

“Sir...Tigers are an endangered species hunted to extinction thanks in part to the promotion of them as a killer by the Detroit Tigers. We propose the Detroit Spaded and Neutered Kitties.”

Bud nodded and said, “That's stupid. Is there new logo a picture of pliers in their hats with a cat screaming in PAIN!”

A long pause.

“Funny...it's for...”

“The children, “grunted Bud.

“Now we have the worst done. The rest are easy. If you just agree to the rest...I can be done...for the children!”

Bud nodded. He got up and moved towards her paperwork throwing it out the window.

“ENOUGH!...now I have put up with a lot of fruitcake ideas but this is the limit. You are a nut and you can sue MLB to death but YOU WILL NOT WIN!!!”

She got up.

“You have anger issues!”

“Maybe I should play my cowbells can call up SATAN while wearing Commie socks using my slide rule as a SEXUAL reference in my pinstriped fruitcake suit...for the CHILDREN!”

The screams were so loud that Bud lost his voice in the process.

“You through?”

Bud nodded as she pulled out another file folder.

“Backups!”
Bud nodded and retreated to his seat.

“Houston Astros are for the promotion of Astrology...”

“It's named for the damn astro turf.”

“Houston Astronauts...for the children!”

She paused.

“The Baltimore Bird Lovers.”
“Fine!”

“The Atlanta Peace Keepers.”

“Great name...I love it, “snapped Bud breaking his pencil.

“Pittsburgh Neighborhood of Make Believe, in honor of Fred Rogers.”

Bud nodded and said, “ya...great idea...I can already see the Trolley car on the uniform!”

“Cincinnati Multicultural Color Palettes.”

“Sure...Love it.”

“Milwaukee Water Preservation League!”

“Yup...that's great...just great.”

“Florida Everglades...”

“Great idea....Ya...”

“New York Ballet dancers”

“Oh...cultural. The former Mets will love that! Pink tutu's on the shirt...help me!”

“Philadelphia Liberty Bells”

“Charming.”

“Seattle Coastlines”

“fine.”

“Kansas City Prairie land.”

“Good”

“Washington Mummies!”

Bud just waved his hand.

“Well sir...that's just about it. We can't do the Toronto Blue Jays since they are in Canada...even though the bird itself is a rude and insensitive bird that scares children and frightens parents. Of course if you could persuade them to call them the Toronto Metric System...that would be great for...”

“The children.”

“Exactly.”

“Chicago Cuddly Cutie Teddy Bears...' the children love bears and the Minnesota Milking Cows.”

Bud pulled his gun out and started to clean it.

“The Arizona Native American Cultural Exchange and finally the Oakland Loving Athletes.”

Bud smiled. He walked out of the room. He had enough and desired a drink, sleep and a way to properly resign.

Texas Rangers buys big!

"This was a very different entry I wrote for Sox And Pin Stripes. It was imagining how far we could take free agency. Granted, as we have learned, Jason did sign with the Red Sox and Manny did sign with the Dodgers. CC and Mark went to New York and the rest may be history if the Yanks keep playing like they are playing. In the meantime...enjoy because my writers block is still there. "

In what the sports world is calling the strange Texas tea, The Texas Rangers signed Manny Ramirez, Jason Varitek, Mark Texeira, and CC Sabatia along with twenty others to ten year contracts each. The total cost was what is called a prudent 680 trillion dollars. Scott Boras has stated that he loves the rational thinking that goes into the game and wishes all teams would be like the Texas Rangers.

A spokesman for the Rangers said, “It’s a deal that ensures the Rangers go to the World Series next year, and the year after that, and the year after that, with only minor changes to what is left of the organization. We’re really excited about the new team. These players will show the world that in Texas – we play hard ball.”

Ranger’s fans will have more excitement than ever. While the total cost of the new team is slightly excessive, nothing is expected to change except small changes in prices and quality. Ball park franks will still be roasting hot and delicious at only a $420.00 a piece using the finest quality hog farm scraps and wonder bread. If you want ketchup, it’s no problem since it didn't pass FDA inspection anyway.

Parking fees will still be only $500.00 a piece for the first twenty minutes and only $100 after that, but for those on a budget, you can pay $1000 and have unlimited parking for an hour!

Finally, kids can really enjoy a day at the ballpark. All children under 20 can enjoy an additional 20 cents off the ticket price. Fans can expect a minor 600,000% increase in prices for tickets which is still within the realm of somebody out there. Box seats will only be $1 million a piece for half an hour but bleacher seats will still sell for $400,000 a piece for the first fifteen minutes. Many Rangers fans representatives remind fans that a trip to Ranger stadium is no more the cost of selling everything you have and living on the street.

“This is your chance to see the best players in the game all in one arena. We’ve just been buying every player we can get. We even sold our minor league team and dumped the players just to get the free agents. Our team will be 100% free agents and 100% dominate. Look how well the Yankees and Tigers did this year with that thinking! Scott Boras has shown us the way!”

The Ranger’s management failed to comment since most were either fired or the position closed. The Rangers are excited about the new ‘lean and mean’ machine. In addition to the Rangers CEO and general manager, the Rangers have one secretary who will also serve as full time janitor, coffee maker, computer IT person, ticket person, phone person, public relations person and marketing person. The new office is located in Starbucks across the street from the stadium.

“Nervous breakdowns should be minimal since we have nobody left anyway”

Night games will still happen. “We made a deal with the death row inmates and lifers of Texas prisons. They just pedal away to keep the lights going. That will really save electricity and if they slack off, we just cattle prod them. You gotta love Texas.”

Ranger’s management says fans may see more of a flashing, uneven lighting effect but on the positive note, that adds to the mood of the game.

The Rangers are also excited about additional events. “We will see concerts, rodeos, football games, soccer games, car racing, horse racing, Olympic games, car shows, boat shows, army missile exercises, circuses and whatever else we can do to have the stadium working 365/24/7 and if a show and a baseball game are at the same time – no problem. We’ll do them simultaneously. With those special moves we should be able to sleep at night once in a while. “

While some argue that the “Texas Rangers have literally lost their minds” other fans such as Scott Boras argued that “since I won’t be attending games, it really won’t affect my life other than the small fortune I just made.”

Players also had mixed reactions. Manny Ramirez had this to say: “They say I have to show up for all the games. Ya, if I don’t feel like playing left field, I have it in my contract I can sun bathe in a lazy boy with a big screen TV and Internet access and that sorta helps but I worry about a fly ball damaging the plasma TV with surround sound. I keep telling them to give me an air conditioned room with a swimming pool with an helicopter landing pad but as usual they’re promising a lot but that’s it. I love the Ranger fans but the management just doesn’t care about treating me with respect. I just hope they keep their promise on the Aston Martin I can drag race during the games on my special elevated track just above the seats, but you know those people just don’t seem to care about anything. How am I supposed to unwind? How can I hit without my swimming pool in left field? What about the Manny Ramirez left field amusement park so I can have a family outing during the game and then take a dip in the pool afterwards before I race around the track. I need to talk to Scott Boras. I hate the Rangers. “

CC Sebatia also complained. “You called Emerald a personal chef? What about Rachel Ray. I have my needs too. This isn’t Manny’s stadium! How can I pitch when I have to walk to the dugout just to get a meal! Why can’t the grill and kitchen be on the mound! Rangers just don’t care about my needs and what about the noise from Manny’s race car driving! Did they put dampeners and sound suppression fields in the stadium? Management just uses you and never respects you and Manny is getting ten trillion dollars than me! It’s insulting. “

The once humble Jason Varitek had this to say: “I busted my tail off with the Red Sox and all I’m asking for is a personal assistant, masseur, and some live entertainment and it’s like…Sebastia gets his kitchen on the mound and Manny gets his race track but they still are having a problem with putting on Broadway shows and concerts for me to watch during the game? Is this the way to treat an elite catcher? I mean Sebastia can have a personal catcher if he wants the ball thrown back at him. I can’t watch Chorus Line and catch the game and I need this considering my meager $2 trillion dollar contract. I just hope things change. “
Then there was Mark Texeira. “They worry about my monster truck rallies and I tell them they won’t interfere with the game – but as usual, Jason gets his live shows, Sebastia gets his chef, Manny gets anything he wants but they give me five new F-150’s when I asked for five hundred. It’s insulting. How can they live with themselves with this type of attitude! It’s so frustrating!

Things came to a head when all the free agents walked off the field and decided not to come back until they all got movie contracts to star in their own personal action movies. Texas management has not commented since they filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy.

What is Baseball

"This is an old classic I wrote and have updated it for this blog. It's great when you're having writer's block! I wrote it in two parts and this is integrating the two parts including some updates for some players. I read it while editing it and it's still fantastic. "

Terry Francona

Baseball is eight months of hotels, arguments, fights, absolute frustration, plane trips and dirty laundry and when you win, it’s all great and when you lose your family seems like a hundred miles away. Sometimes I wonder why I do it, but then I look at alternatives. Nope, I’m where I should be. That’s baseball.

Dustin Pedroia.

You play this game to win. What job can give you that type of rush? You compete and you win and you stay healthy. That’s what it’s all about and that’s why I’m playing for the Red Sox. I go out there as if every game is my last game…and that’s not a bad way of thinking about it.

Mike Timlin.

You play this game since you were two and you play it hard and then you play it harder and then you make it. The ballpark seems like it’s an entire continent and the fans and the fame and you’re like – this is great. Then one day you wake up and that fastball can’t shut down a hitter and your body, your body gets old and you ask yourself – what do I do now? Everyone has to face that question that last day and it really scares me because it’s happened and I don’t know. I keep thinking comeback. What else can I do? I mean...I'm retired now, one year retired, and I still keep thinking to myself why am I not at the ballpark. I don't know...it hurts.

Julio Lugo

You sign a contract, they all get excited about you, and then you play hard and you work hard and you make a fool of yourself and no matter what you do, you feel stupid out there. It feels horrible inside and you know the fans look down on you. They don’t see all the work you do. They think you’re doing it on purpose. I mean, you do lousy at a job they fire you. You do lousy in baseball you don’t get fired…you get forgotten. I’m not sure what’s worse.

Kevin Youkillis

Nobody understands a baseball season. You can’t. Unless you’re there, you don’t get it. You don’t know how much you have to do to compete because one day you’re gonna wake up and find your name off the locker and the fans forget everything and you’re nothing to them. Sometimes you ask yourself – why? Why put up with it and then you realize that your entire life is in this game. You have nothing else. It’s scary. It’s really scary.

Jacobe Ellsbury.

Everybody on the team tells me, this is it. This is the best time of your life but I don’t know. When you can’t hit a baseball and when you get picked off stealing…it’s not fun. You’re up first in the batting order and everyone looks at you like you’re the most important guy on the team. I go up there and if I don’t get a hit…I just want to hit something. It’s so frustrating and fans…they don’t get it. They only see the strikeout. They don’t see how you feel inside and how you worry, really worry how about many strikeouts before a trade…if you’re lucky to get a trade at all.

Mike Lowell

You play no matter what the pain because you know. You know about that day. I play no matter what because I don’t know what tomorrow will bring. The next Mike Lowell is out there and he can hit better than me and he’s cheaper and he’ll steal bases and field better than me. I know that. It’s only a matter of time. Let me tell you…it pushes you. You don’t let a game go by without sweat. Over 162 games and then the playoffs. When I got home…I went under a doctor’s knife. You wonder if it’s all over every time you let them cut you and then you try to forget about baseball. Scary part is, someday baseball’s gonna forget about me. I'm OK now but what about next year.

Tim Wakefield.

I don’t make the biggest salary and I don’t always win all the games but not making the biggest salary means I’m not up at night worrying about living up to those numbers. I see those guys. They sign the big contracts and then the contract owns them. It’s not worth it. I sleep at night. Ya, I’m gonna be forgotten and ya I’m gone someday. I get that. I know the clock is ticking but for the most part, I’ve had the best experience of my life. Nobody can take that away from me. I’ll remember and my family will remember. That’s good enough for me.

Coco Crisp

With baseball, you swallow your pride and smile. You can’t…you just can’t tell them anything. You do and it comes right back at you. This year…it’s been tough. I don’t talk about it but it’s tough. You’re older, you’re the veteran and some kid comes up and man you’re done. That’s how it is. We all say to Jacobe…this is it. You’re having the best time of your life but he doesn’t get it because now he’s becoming the veteran. Next year…he’ll start the thinking. He will and then he’ll miss this year. Right now I'm OK with the Royals but it ain't the same. I miss the Sox. I really do.

David Ortiz

You just play until you can’t walk anymore. That’s baseball. You play while you can. I don’t know how long I’m gonna play. The injuries will crop up and then I’m done. I miss Manny but I don’t blame him. You do what you can to make a lot of money and stay important. That’s baseball but every year it gets harder. I'm old at 33. Is that crazy? This is the worst year of my life and I know it and everybody else knows it. I don't know. Baseball can destroy you. It really can. I get that now.

J.D. Drew

It’s only here for a little while. It’s an afternoon and the sun doesn’t rise up the next day. I hate my body somedays. It’s so frustrating. I could be a superstar but my body won’t let me. No big contract is gonna fix that.

John Masterson

The pressure is incredible and there are times you wonder why you do it. I mean…the media…it’s incredible at first but then one day it’s like – they don’t talk to you anymore. They’ve moved on. You gotta cope with that. You gotta remind yourself you’ve made it and then you gotta remind yourself that one injury, one mistake and you’re done. It’s crazy. I mean it’s really crazy. I think, I’m in the playoffs fighting for my life out there. It’s no adrenaline rush. It’s a panic switch but you think – do your job – it’s just spring training with a lot more noise. That’s all you can do. Sometimes Texas sounds pretty good but you don’t get remembered in Texas and you play just as hard. You make your choices.

Jason Varitek

“It’s my whole life for 162 games. This is it. I love it so much. I mean nothing better than baseball. Nothing better. You got a guy that goes out, does his 7am – 8pm and comes home for an hour of down time. That would kill me. That would kill me. Nothing is more challenging or more exciting than baseball. I’ll play it as long as I can and no I don’t think about retirement. I’ll coach or manage or whatever it takes. Maybe I’ll be the next Johnny Pesky. Who knows.

Alex Cora.

“There are guys out there…so much better than me. Every time I step out on the field…man, it’s great. It’s something and ya, I’ll be done someday and I won’t see the hall of fame. I know that…but I know there are a lot of guys out there that never made it so I’m…I’m grateful just to be here but I miss Boston. In New York, the fans hate the team when they play bad. Not in Boston. I wish I was still there.

Curt Schilling

“It’s the best game in the world. You do anything and I mean anything to be in that game. Ballplayers, we don’t think last day. We don’t. We just convince ourselves that we can play just one more season. Just one more season. That’s what you do and when you become the spectator…it’s the lowest feeling in the world because you know it’s over. That’s baseball.

J.D. Drew

Imagine you’re just doing your job where you’re at your computer and fifty thousand people are looking over your shoulder. They boo you…they boo you when you make a mistake. The more money you make the louder the boos get. It’s a curse. You scratch your head – what did I do? After a job they question you for half an hour – for what? You get hurt they’re all over you. Media, fans, media fans. You go play at different ballparks and suddenly they boo you if you do something right? It’s nuts. Then the season ends and you’re so into the baseball day, you don’t know what to do with yourself. It’s boring and when the season starts…you’re like – why am I doing this. I mean how do you live like that? You think you’re great, you get humbled real quick in this game.

Josh Beckett

It’s what I tell everyone, shut up, play the game and you’ll be OK. You don’t think about last day because that’s not baseball. Baseball is now. I play in the now.

Mike Timlin

“There will never be a better time in your life and I know it now more than ever. I know I’m gonna spend the rest of my life trying to make a life that was as good as baseball and I’m gonna fail. That’s baseball.

Mile Lowell

If I didn’t have the fans, it would be hard. If I didn’t have the media, it wouldn’t be crazy and if I didn’t have this team and this manager…I don’t know what I’d do. Team gets you through a lot and when a player focuses on himself and sacrifices the team – that’s low. That’s just as low as you can get. Baseball is sometimes like that.

Kevin Youk.

We lost a big, big part of our team last year in Manny Ramirez. He made us look bad and he made baseball look bad. Those who know this game…you don’t make excuses you move on but when you play this hard and someone comes along and thinks he’s better than anyone else…you have no idea how lousy that feels inside.

Jason Varitek

One player can bring down a game and bring it right back up. You have a lot of power as a player and you know it. It’s a responsibility and it’s a life lesson. If everyone really understood baseball and followed its rules…better world. Maybe that’s baseball. Who knows.

Jason Bay

The difference between a team that wins and a team that loses is salary, motivation and how much you can take. This team takes it. You win, you pay a price…a big one. I’m sure they all wonder if its worth it. I don’t because I’ve lived my life on that team. I’m willing to pay that price. Maybe next year…maybe it won’t be so much fun. Guys who win a lot – it’s a relief. Guys who don’t – it’s a miracle. All perspective.

Shaun Casey

Fan mail, love letters, media, lots of money to be made if you can do it, injuries, bench time, rules…crazy rules…crazy umpires and lots of leather and wood. I miss it but what a great ride it was retiring with the Red Sox. That was a great year. That’s baseball…now can someone explain it to me!

Jon Lester

You want that moment in the sun so badly. You’d do anything. I got so much attention and it’s great. I mean it’s really exciting but it’s weird. I mean…who am I? I’m just a pitcher for the Red Sox and then I think about that and say – ya, I get it now. Now I get it.

Clay Buchhotz

“You look in the mirror and see everything ahead of you. You see a career and promises and say, I made it. Then you blink and it’s like it’s over and you wonder what happened? You look back and count your mistakes and you can’t count that high. I hate it. I just want to make it. That’s baseball. That’s all baseball is.

Kevin Cash

Every fifth day I thought about Doug Mirabelli. Ya, I’m there now but when am I going to be the next Doug? I’m just a backup catcher. I’ll never have the talent to make it no matter how hard I try. Do you have any idea how that feels and don’t tell me you do…because you don’t. You got a guy who has all the talent in the world and he walks around like you’re nothing to him. I hate him for that because if I had that talent and that ability…jee…don’t you get it? Half the team wants what you have and you treat us like crap. Ya, I'm talking about Manny Ramirez. I just don’t get it. Nobody understands how precious this time is – nobody because now the Yankees just sent me down to the minors. It was great while it lasted.

Kason Gabbard

“Every time I get back to Boston, Terry is there to say hello. The guys amazing. I mean…when I was traded…I thought the world was over. I worked so hard to make it and I put up with a lot of injuries and now I’m in Texas but look again and now I'm in Boston. It’s been lousy. It’s been really lousy. I can’t compete and I know I may not make it. I hate baseball right now and I love it. I just want to make it you know. I just want to make it.

Jerry Remy

The hardest thing is to give it up. You spend you entire retirement…and you’ve got to have a job you know…and you try to get that back in your life and you can’t. I still, I still want to play on that field. I still and that’s baseball.

Bill Lee

Maybe that’s what heaven is about. God sets up the ultimate baseball team and you’re on it. Hell is the same thing…but you can’t throw a strike no matter how hard you tried.

Johnny Pesky

I”ll always be part of the Red Sox. I’ll die in a Red Sox uniform. That’s just my life. Maybe that’s baseball. I don’t know. I played in a different time and a different age. Back then you didn’t retire on baseball, you retired from baseball and worried about getting a job.

Dice-K (translated)

Can I tell you something? Can I say it without the world knowing it. When you have the talent, it’s not enough. It’s just the start and you’ve never good enough. Once you feel you have…they wonder why you can’t continue to do it. What’s wrong with you they say? That’s baseball.

Terry Francona

I have the pleasure of watching all these guys and forming a lot of close connections and let me tell you. They’re my family. They really are and like all families…you really want to call a time out on some of them but that’s baseball.

Carlton Fisk

I tell everyone I meet that when you’re in baseball, you’re going to have three things that are going to happen– You made it, you get hurt, and then you’re forgotten…but if you’re that handful, at least you know when you’ve retired…you’re still remembered and let me tell you…being retired and not forgotten…it’s better…but it’s still retirement. Retirement…bad word. That’s baseball.

Doug Mirabelli

When I look out there and see the lights and see the ball come at me and the pitcher wanting the next pitch – depending on me to make that decision for him…I love it…but I promised myself that I wouldn’t let it ruin me when my time came. I feel I’ve done that and that makes those times special to me but I tell you…I still want it back. That should answer your question because baseball is that incredible. That’s baseball.

Carlton Fisk

It’s all about moments. I hit that home run…game 6…that was an incredible moment. Game 7 and Yaz flying out. That was hard. There was no game 8. Guys who got that ring – one moment I’ll never know.

Fred Lynn

Rookie of the year and MVP. I’m not in the hall of fame. I never will be. Oh well…you move on. All you can do but ya, you miss it. Who wouldn’t? That’s baseball.

Louis Tiant. (rewritten a bit from actual comments -> Bill Lee documentary, and the book MoneyBall)

I think Bill Lee will be playing baseball till he’s 90 and good for him. For me, my family is everything. Baseball is just a game and it’s your family that makes life worthwhile. Baseball gave me my family. That’s baseball.