Red Sox fan appreciation day at Fenway

Joe Derive
Hi, I'm Joe Derive and you probably are just as 'excited' as I am about fan appreciation day at Fenway.  The Boston Red Sox, in conjunction with many fine Boston area restaurants are proud to offer free food day at Fenway.  That's right, all the food is free and all you can eat...so why do I smell a rat.  Nah, Red Sox ownership loves their fans,

Larry Lucchino:
'We're very excited about all-you-can-eat food at Fenway.  This is an amazing way for us, the Fenway owners to thank the loyal fans.

Joe Derive:
Ya, thanks for looking directly at me Larry!

Larry:
I also excited for the Fenway fateful as we feel 'green with envy' at what lies ahead.

Joe:
Are you even listening to me?

Larry:
Of course Joe. I always listen to the press and our fans.  Now, let us present some of the food. 

 Joe:
 I can't wait Larry. All this free food.  Gonna be awesome!

Larry
I know what you mean Joe...now let me put on these heavy industrial gloves so-as I don't contaminate the amazing food we have to offer on Free Food Day. 

Joe:
Ya whatever, let's see the FOOD!

Larry
First we call this the snowjob hotdog.  Oh man can you smell it!

Joe:
Holy #$#$#$!!!!

Larry:
Come on Joe.  It's an exciting delicacy.  You know food mold has great nutrition and tastes so good with a beer and we're giving away the first five for only $4.00 a piece.

Joe:
So you actually are CHARGING for this!

Larry:
Of course.  Our fans want to pay through the nose.  Now, in addition we're really proud to present our all natural dip for nachos.  Made from a garden...of excellent nutrition...ah...fans will drop dead over this delicious worm pie and it's available to any fan that can sit through an entire game.  The cost is only $20.00 and it's a great family friendly treat!

Joe:
You've got to be kidding Larry!  That food would be condemned by the poorest of the poor.

Larry:
Now Joe, don't worry about quantities because we have TONS of food to feed the fans.  Just look at our refrigerated section that I am just DYING over.  I mean who wouldn't die over this yummy treat and it's all for the fans whom we love so much.  That's why we dumped Tito Francona and got Bobby Valentine and it wasn't his fault.  It was the fans who drove this generous man out of town.

Joe:
No, get me out of here...or at least get me away from this food. 
 
Larry:
Come on Joe.  This is fan appreciation day.

Joe:
And I'm sure they'd appreciate if you resigned!


Larry:
Wait I have to eat too.  Here is my meal.  It's gross compared to our fine food we're serving to our fans but we put them first -- NEVER ourselves now if you'll excuse me I have to eat on my boat then it's off to Liverpool. 

Joe:
No way are you enjoying this while the fans suffer!

Larry:
The fans are NOT suffering. 

Joe:
They will be if they eat this food!!!

Joe:
I'm Joe Derive and boy...do I need a real job!