Joe Derive is BACK

The cameras were set in place and the director shouted "action."

"Hi, I'm Joe Derive back from vacation -- man, I don't even remember where that was -- but anyway, I'm eating at Arnie's restaurant with my guests Adrian Gonsalez and J.D. Drew. Say hello!"

J.D. Drew gave a barely audible grunt while Adrian nodded politely amongst the cadence of chatter in the background of Arnie's restaurant. Adrian was wearing a tweed jacket with a clip on bow tie and a clean white shirt. The pocket held a variety of pencils and a small slide rule. J.D. Drew wore a shirt that said "Prunes rock."

"Now, that the Sox are back I can quit drinking. After that horrible four game losing streak which I barely remember thanks to Jack Daniels, which I gave up by the way, but now I'm back and celebrating and like am I making any sense!"

Arnie came by and poured Joe more Jack Daniels into Joe's glass. J.D. took prune juice and Adrian drank a Shirley Temple with a small umbrella on the glass per request of Adrian.

"Anyway, let's start with you Adrian. You were written up in the Boston Globe with your deep and penetrating insights into the game of baseball. They practically called you an intellectual...which I guess isn't going to your head...sort of. Anyway, so let me ask you this, why are the Red Sox winning anyway?"

Adrian paused, almost shifting in his seat until he found the right virtual camera angle. He tapped his fingers to his cheek. "Well, I think the main reason is that the offense is doing well despite the pitching problems. I think also having such a great bench of players that can come in when the injuries pile up is very important. "

Arnie just shook his head while handing out the meals. Joe Derive got Jack Daniels marinated apples, J.D. got prunes soaked in cranberry juice and Adrian got a tonic with lemon water, shaken but not stirred. Arnie then began mumbling something about "The View is more interesting than this ham" while Joe gulped more Jack Daniels. J.D. grunted.

Adrian then paused and put on glasses while straightening his bow tie. "Now the main issue here is hitting. By generating hitting this team can win more games than other teams. This idea is based on the fact that hitting can help out struggling pitching. This insight is truly the reason why great minds can solve great problems. "

Arnie started laughing out loud and walked away while J.D. Drew grunted and Joe gulped more Jack Daniels. A slow ripple of laughter started to permeate the room as Adrian adjusted his glasses and started to put a fake pipe in his mouth.

"I think the main factors..."

"Oh shut up Adrian. " said Joe Derive who rolled his body around before finding focus and steading himself. J.D. Drew quickly bolted for the restroom shouting "gotta go, gotta go."

"Now, "said Joe, "I want to talk about the Red Sox winning streak. This, in addition, is also in the shadowy shadows of the Boston Bruins who win the Stanley Cuppers..."

Arnie burst out laughing and then grabbed the Jack Daniels and handed Joe a bottle of water.

"You really should consider curtailing your drinking Joe, "said Adrian.

"You really should stop making errors and stuff Adrian..." snapped Joe

Adrian, looking rather disgruntled starred down Joe before shrugging him off. He held up a copy of "The Iliad" and began reading it looking like he was clueless to its content. J.D. came back and sat down with a smile on his face. He then shifted to panic and ran to the bathroom again. Arnie shook his head as he collected dishes and handed out ice cream.

"OK, well, that's it for this edition of Joe Derive's TV thing. Join us next time as we discuss..."

It was then that Joe crash landed on the floor disrupting Adrian's confusion over "The Iliad". J.D. came back and sat down.

"Hello, I'm Dr. Adrian Gonsalez and this is Masterpiece Red Sox. Tonight, I'll be talking to you about the great literature of past ages. With me is my guest and comrade, J.D. Drew. "

"Cut."

The lights dimmed against Adrian's face. Adrian, looking stunned threw down his book and stormed out of the place. Arnie sighed but then smiled as a happy crowd could get back to its meal. Why he put up with this show was puzzling to him but as he pulled out the twenty thousand dollar check that he would give to the Jimmy Fund he remembered why.