Under New Management

If John Henry had any worries they were in the far distant past.  He would be addressing, well actually it was good-old-Larry, but who cares.  The Sox fired Bobby Valentine, their pitching coaches and their bench coach.  This was a new day. 

"Good morning, "said Larry Luchinano.  " I am pleased to announce the new management of the Boston Red Sox.  First, let us meet the new bench coach.  "

John smiled.  He only knew of the new manager.  He was excited about the new bench coach.  This would be a new day in history.  He and Ben both agreed on this.  This had to be good.

"Please welcome, one of the best shortstops of the Boston Red Sox, a team leader and someone that inspire and excite..."

John paused taking in a smile that swelled.

"Julio...LUGO"

John's smile disappeared and was replaced by sweat.

"Julio Lugo...are you out of your mind.' snapped John in Larry's ear but Lugo walked on stage.  The clapping faded with each second as Julio Lugo, the disaster of a free agent walked on stage.

"Thank you...I'm really glad to be here with everyone.  I'd like to thank...ah...these guys.  I don't know what a bench coach does but if its sitting down and stretching my legs -- I'm there."

John's jaw fell towards the floor.  He grabbed it quickly and tried to place it back in his mouth.

"Ah...just kiddin'.  I know what a Red Sox coach is all about and I want to be the best -- especially since I spent all my money on Curt Schilling's business and I'm broke.  Was I stupid or what.  "

John grabbed his face and tried to hide it moving slowly towards the shadows. Larry continued to speak as Lugo sat down on the floor missing the chair.  He squeaked like a girl then got up and found the chair before knocking over the water container.  As he tried to grab it he knocked over the microphone on the floor.  Lugo tried to grab it then went crashing to the ground falling on the water.

"I'm OK...yup."

"Well thank you Julio...but don't look now for we have our new pitching coach.  You know a lot of problems on the Sox but they will be solved by the SpaceMan himself -- Bill LEE"

"holy #$#$#$" shouted John Henry before he quelled his shock and walked off of stage.

Bill Lee walked on stage and smiled at the audience before sitting down and kicking his legs on the table.  Lugo was now properly sitting down thanks to some stage hands.

"Well, I never was an All Star, but I love the game.  I love baseball and I love the Red Sox..."

John sighed.  He felt better.

"Even if Ben Cherington is the biggest idiot on the planet.  I like to call him 'Stupid-light' in honor of his complete moron of a former boss Theo Epstein."

John felt himself unable to speak, think or communicate.

"Hey, its gonna change with Julio Lugo."

"You can't even change your diaper Lugo so shut up."

Bill relaxed.  The sweat on Larry's face shimmered against the spotlight.  Cameras went off flashing endless photos and everyone was texting.  Larry seemed to look like he had wet his pants.

"And finally...our new...manager..."

Larry whispered it so silently that John couldn't make out anything but as the bulky presence went on stage John saw the fireworks coming.  The liberal Bill Lee vs the conservative.

"Listen you flaming libtard -- move your ass or I'll move it for you."

Curt Schilling directed it firmly in Bill Lee's face.  Ben and Larry slowly edged towards the curtains.

"Doubt it Curt.  You the hypocritical corporate welfare queen who got an extra year on his contract while doing rehab, broke his game company and spent every last dime he ever had, owes Rhode Island a ton of money, and now will break the Red Sox.  Man this is gonna be fun."

Curt swung hard but Bill Lee ducked and the fist went directly into Lugo's jaw sending him to the ground.  Lee got up and smiled.

"Go on...make my day."

Curt cursed and swung again but again Lee ducked and Curt sent his fist into the microphone.  Curt let out a pile of obscenities that covered all the classics before he started to combine them to make new phrases -- which we can't repeat here.

"Had enough fat-girl."

Curt grabbed his glass and threw it in the air.  It flew past Bill Lee smashing near Bobby Jenks.

"What in hell!!" shouted both Curt and Lee.

"I'm the new assistant pitching coach.  Once I get out of jail I'll be a great asset to the team...wow when you mix Vadka and beer...it rocks."

Curt cursed the air.  John Henry saw the disaster.  Bobby Jenks who smashed his car up while drinking in a bar and running from the scene.  Why did we hire this guy!

"Of all the dump moves, you got lib-tard Lee and how...ah..."

"You're brain just can't handle two puns in a row can you Curt? " smiled Bill Lee.

"AHHH " screamed Curt.

"AHHH" screamed Bobby Jenks.

"What are you screaming for, " shouted Curt.

"I just done smashed my head with a beer bottle.  Just called to me.  Guess I need to make another public apology.  No prob -- I made some YouTube videos to cover all my stupid moves."

"Wow you made 1 billion videos Bobby? " snapped Bill Lee.

"You are asking for it you..." shouted Bobby Jenks as he ran forward with his wobbly stomach bouncing in the air. 

With that the three tore into each other as John Henry shook his head and thought about selling his organization to anyone who would buy it.