Christmas is Smart

Ben Cherington sat down with the press today and we have your coverage on the Joe Derive show.  Welcome!

JOE:
Welcome Mr. Cherington.  First, what do you think of Dempster.  Many are calling him Dumpster since you spent so much money on him. Dempster’s ERA was more than twice as high in the AL in 2012 at 5.09 and the man is 36 years old. 

CHERINGTON:
That is one great question.  You know the Chief of the Red Sox asked me the same question but he had a few extra words thrown in...the four letter variety.  Anyway, sorry I have a phone call from my shoe.

JOE:
Did you say you're talking to your shoe?

CHERINGTON:
AH...yes well cellphones are...ah...anyway, yes well we feel that the days of buying junk players with outrageous salaries for long term contracts are OVER.  Instead our strategy is junk buying players with outrageous salaries for short term contracts.  NO MORE Long term contracts.  How about that!

JOE:
Could you repeat that?

CHERINGTON:
I don't think so.


DEMPSTER:

Hey wait you said I was good Ben!  YOU SAID I'd kill them out there.

CHERINGTON:
And I stand by that Dumpster...ah...Dempster.  You will get killed out there.

JOE:
OK moving on. 

DEMPSTER:
You hear him!  Hey Gomes...take a slug at him.  You're good at that!

JOE:
OK, speaking of which, let's talk about Gomes. Gomes is getting $10 million over two seasons.  I mean the Rangers paid him $1 million last season with Oakland. The man also punches people in the back for fun.  I mean...

CHERINGTON:

Wait...one Million.  They paid him on million?  Chief we overpaid!  Good thing it was for a short term contract.  Boy if I didn't know better I'd say I made a stupid move.  Fortunately I happen to be an expert on stupid and I would know if I made a stupid move and I did not make a stupid move because that would be stupid. 

Gomes:
Ready when you are Dempster!  Just give me something to hit.  Backs, arms, legs.  Ya that's me.

JOE:
OK...moving on what about Napoli?  This guy is a drought hitter with a career average of .260 and he has health problems.  I mean really?

CHERINGTON:

Ah...easy Chief John Henry.  It really was a smart move.  I mean if we look at my past choices...

JOHN LACKEY:
DOUBLE FIST!!!!!!!!!!!!

CHERINGTON:
OK but if we look at my present choices...

CHERINGTON:
But if we combine my past choices with my present choices we have...

JOE:
Quit while you're ahead Cherington.  Anyway thank you for your...insight.

CHERINGTON:
Wait I haven't told you about Jon Lackey and his power arm.  He's over his drinking issues with Bobby Jenks and he is going to...ah...not now John.

LACKEY:

I'm gonna prove you...ahh...gonna...what...I...DOUBLE FIST.

JOE:
I'm Joe Derive.  Arnie start cooking dinner because I AM OUT OF HERE!!!