Steven Drew Meets with the Press

In an unparalleled move, Steven Drew was admitted to the Red Sox organization.  The older brother of J.D. Drew (often called Nancy Drew) took time out of his busy medical schedule to take with Joe Derive. 

One minute later Steven was admitted to the back clinic for a minor checkup.

STEVEN DREW:
AHH...THE PAIN.  I'm be ready for opening day.   Oh this back pain could put me on the DL for months...but I do get my paycheck right?

Ben Cherington of the Red Sox said he was not the least bit concerned.

BEN:
I'm not the least bit concerned.  I mean take away all of last season, all my bad choices and you have an amazing record. Ah...I want to say I'm working on it.

Meanwhile, after the back clinic, we set about our interview.  Then Drew also complained of headaches.

STEVEN DREW:
My head, oh my head.  Send me to the DL... I'll still get paid right?

Ben Cherington had this to say...but then started to talk into his Shoe Phone.  Verizon suggested that Ben continue to take his medication.
Meanwhile, Drew suffered yet another setback -- a bad knee.

STEVEN DREW
It throbs when I walk and the pain...oh the pain is horrible.  I fear I may miss one season on the DL -- but I'll still get paid right?

Ben Cherington had this to say:

BEN CHERINGTON:
I refuse to believe that he won't be ready for opening day.
After all, I don't make mistakes -- would you believe that -- NO MISTAKES.
Would you believe one mistakes?
How bout a train wreck of reasoning?
Oh...you believe that. 

Meanwhile the woes continued as Drew suffered dizzy spells.

STEVEN DREW:
I'm dizzy and I have a bad knee and a bad back and I want a check.
Dammit, I want another check!
Dammit just keep em' comin'

 BEN CHERINGTON
Boy, mess up on ONE purchase and the world is all over you!

 Meanwhile Drew's problems continued until I saw him next in a wheelchair.

 STEVEN DREW:
I'll be ready for opening day...2015...oh of course...with my back, knee, shoulder, arm, fingers, tendons, cartilage, dizzy spells, broken bones, gray hair, lost teeth, did I mention dizzy spells...but where's my CHECK. 

I'm Joe Derive