John Henry had had enough. He grabbed Theo Epstein and said, "this is it idiot. I'm going to kill you."
"But why Mistah Henwy. I was always so good for you. Ha ha."
John blasted his eyes at Elmer and said, "so why did we forgo Gonsalez for an incompetent, idiotic shortstop who won't stay healthy!"
Elmer paused and looked at the camera and said, "he's got me there folks!"
Elmer pulled himself away from Henry as Henry reached for his wifle...or rifle in our case and scrammed out of the building against the blasts of shotguns. he ran through the forest until he flew into a rabbit hole. A rabbit flew out to face Mr. Henry.
Henry was huffing and puffing.
"Get out of my way Lugo Rabbit."
"Ah...what's up doc."
Henry slammed his face against the rabbit and said, "do you know how much I HATE that STUPID line!"
Bugs Lugo leaned in and said, "listen Doc. Do you know how much Warner Bros. pays me for that line. I've been saying it for over fifty years and frankly it pisses me off to hear you degrade it!"
Bugs Lugo leans towards the camera and says, "sorry about the swear folks but I gotta keep up with the times."
"You got it doc!"
Henry leans in and grinds out, "where he is. Where is Elmer Epstein!"
"Ah, personally doc...he's not in that hole!"
Henry leans in and said, "so that's where he is!"
Bugs Lugo leans down and says, "would I throw a tear gas container down that hole if Elmer was in there."
Henry smiled and said, "I would."
"Funny doc, "said Henry. "But would I drop dynamite down that hole if Elmer were down there!"
Henry smiled and said, "oh I like it!"
Bugs Lugo said, "well would I light a match and drop it down that hole!"
Henry smiled and said, "stop it! I'm enjoying this too much!"
Bugs lugo looks at the camera and said, "these pictures are too violent aren't they!"
Henry jumped up and down and said, "light it...light it!"
Bugs dropped the match down the hole and it exploded.
"OK rabbit. I guess he's not here."
Henry walked away. Bugs looked at the camera and said, "ain't I a stinker."
Elmer looked up covered in ash and said, "ya...I would agwee."
THE END.
Monday, December 7, 2009
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Elmer does it again
Elmer Epstein walked into the office of John Henry. He sat down which is what you do when you're in trouble.
"So...we don't have a shortstop."
"No Mistah Henwy."
"We don't have a left fielder."
"No Mistah Henwy."
"We LOST our shortstop."
"Yes Mistah Henwy but I have a weally gweat idea. Let's use Dustin Pedwoia on showt stop."
"Oh good. So I suppose Dice-K is going to be our new left fielder!"
"Oh, that's only when he's not pitching of course!"
A long pause.
"Excuse me Elmer. I have to get my gun out! A double barreled shotgun with a full round. "
"It's a weally nice gun.:"
(Seconds later)
Elmer walked out of the office covered in black powder.
"Wow, Mr. Henwy doesn't seem to like my ideas!"
"Ah...what's up doc!"
Elmer grabbed his gun.
"Why you waskly wabbit. It's youh fault that I'm in this much twouble."
"Ah doc...confidentially."
"Yes."
"You're an IDIOT"
Elmer then turns toward the camera and says, "he does these types of things to me throughout the picture."
Long chase scene develops. Elmer smashes into Kason Gabbard.
"Well, hewwo Jason Gabbawd. I hope you'we not upset for twading you."
(A few seconds later and an explosion)
"Gee Jason Gabbawrd is a weally good shot"
"IT's KASON!"
Elmer see Bugs Lugo and runs again before slamming into Gonsalez.
"Well, Hell0 Mistah..."
(A few seconds later and an explosion)
"Gee, Mistah Gonsalwez is a weally good shot too. Something twells me we should have signed him."
Elmer then runs further chasing after the rabbit before running into Orlando Cabrera.
"You're not going to..."
( a few seconds later and an explosion)
"Gee, I think somewon is twying to twell me something. Oh boy."
THE END
"So...we don't have a shortstop."
"No Mistah Henwy."
"We don't have a left fielder."
"No Mistah Henwy."
"We LOST our shortstop."
"Yes Mistah Henwy but I have a weally gweat idea. Let's use Dustin Pedwoia on showt stop."
"Oh good. So I suppose Dice-K is going to be our new left fielder!"
"Oh, that's only when he's not pitching of course!"
A long pause.
"Excuse me Elmer. I have to get my gun out! A double barreled shotgun with a full round. "
"It's a weally nice gun.:"
(Seconds later)
Elmer walked out of the office covered in black powder.
"Wow, Mr. Henwy doesn't seem to like my ideas!"
"Ah...what's up doc!"
Elmer grabbed his gun.
"Why you waskly wabbit. It's youh fault that I'm in this much twouble."
"Ah doc...confidentially."
"Yes."
"You're an IDIOT"
Elmer then turns toward the camera and says, "he does these types of things to me throughout the picture."
Long chase scene develops. Elmer smashes into Kason Gabbard.
"Well, hewwo Jason Gabbawd. I hope you'we not upset for twading you."
(A few seconds later and an explosion)
"Gee Jason Gabbawrd is a weally good shot"
"IT's KASON!"
Elmer see Bugs Lugo and runs again before slamming into Gonsalez.
"Well, Hell0 Mistah..."
(A few seconds later and an explosion)
"Gee, Mistah Gonsalwez is a weally good shot too. Something twells me we should have signed him."
Elmer then runs further chasing after the rabbit before running into Orlando Cabrera.
"You're not going to..."
( a few seconds later and an explosion)
"Gee, I think somewon is twying to twell me something. Oh boy."
THE END
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
What if Insurance Companies ran our lives
You are a driver. You want to step into the car. This is a new 'smart' car designed to decide for you telling you what you can and can't do in the car. Insurance companies are out looking for you! You unlock the car and open the door. You sit down on the seat. You place the key in the ignition.
'I'm sorry. Car will not start since unlocking car is not covered under our policy. Please enter and exit again'
You try to remove the key.
"Please remove the key before exiting car. "
You remove the key from the ignition and then exit the car and open the door, without a key, and then repeat the process. The key is in the ignition.
'I'm sorry but do to theft concerns, you must first lock the car with your key and then unlock the car before inserting key. Your use of a key is outside our policy requirements.'
You then smash the steering wheel with your fist.
'I'm sorry but a steering wheel can only be used once the car is started. This is not covered under our policy'
You scream loud at the car cursing.
"You seem to be having trouble. Please contact the nearest agent at 1 800 222-2123."
You feel better. You call the number.
"I'm sorry but our number has changed. Please call us at 1 800 222-2123"
You realize its the same number and call again. Your heart is now racing and sweat is dripping down your face. A maddening look is oozing from your eyes.
"Welcome to our insurance company. Please listen carefully as your menu options have changed. If you are experiencing an episode of mental collapse, press #1"
You press 1.
"Welcome. You are in the right place. Please hang up and dial 1 800 222-2124"
You curse and scream and start dialing the phone. You want to use the restroom. You try to open the door.
"I'm sorry but your door cannot be unlocked without first removing the key. This is a new feature installed in your car. Aren't you happy?"
You smash your head against the windshield.
"If you are experiencing a crack in the windshield, please note this is not covered under our insurance policy but you can always pay for it yourself, and if you don't your car will not start until you do pay for it."
Tears welt down your face.
"We want to remind you of the necessary rate increase due to you smashing your head against the windshield. "
You scream but bite your tongue. You can still get mental health by the insurance company. You can relax.
"Welcome. You are having a nervous breakdown. If you need immediate help, please call 1 800 222-2125, otherwise press #1.
You foolishly press 1. The phone hangs up. How did that happen? You dial the new number 1 800 222-2125
"Hello and welcome. Please understand that mental health services of your type are conveniently not covered under our policy and you should expect yet another courtesy rate increase of your services. Please only use our services after we drop you from our policy."
You try to open the door.
"You haven't paid your new rate increase and that means we can't let you get out of the car. However you can pay by phone by calling 1 800 222-2126
You call desperate to get this done.
"Welcome. You have experienced a new rate increase. Once you receive your bill in the mail, you can promptly call us back to pay the bill. If you need mental health services, call 1 800 222-2125. mental health is provided as an additional service. Since you have not hung up, we assume you need them and have automatically increased your policy rate as an adjustment.
You sit catatonic watching drool drip down your face. Isn't it lovely to have insurance
'I'm sorry. Car will not start since unlocking car is not covered under our policy. Please enter and exit again'
You try to remove the key.
"Please remove the key before exiting car. "
You remove the key from the ignition and then exit the car and open the door, without a key, and then repeat the process. The key is in the ignition.
'I'm sorry but do to theft concerns, you must first lock the car with your key and then unlock the car before inserting key. Your use of a key is outside our policy requirements.'
You then smash the steering wheel with your fist.
'I'm sorry but a steering wheel can only be used once the car is started. This is not covered under our policy'
You scream loud at the car cursing.
"You seem to be having trouble. Please contact the nearest agent at 1 800 222-2123."
You feel better. You call the number.
"I'm sorry but our number has changed. Please call us at 1 800 222-2123"
You realize its the same number and call again. Your heart is now racing and sweat is dripping down your face. A maddening look is oozing from your eyes.
"Welcome to our insurance company. Please listen carefully as your menu options have changed. If you are experiencing an episode of mental collapse, press #1"
You press 1.
"Welcome. You are in the right place. Please hang up and dial 1 800 222-2124"
You curse and scream and start dialing the phone. You want to use the restroom. You try to open the door.
"I'm sorry but your door cannot be unlocked without first removing the key. This is a new feature installed in your car. Aren't you happy?"
You smash your head against the windshield.
"If you are experiencing a crack in the windshield, please note this is not covered under our insurance policy but you can always pay for it yourself, and if you don't your car will not start until you do pay for it."
Tears welt down your face.
"We want to remind you of the necessary rate increase due to you smashing your head against the windshield. "
You scream but bite your tongue. You can still get mental health by the insurance company. You can relax.
"Welcome. You are having a nervous breakdown. If you need immediate help, please call 1 800 222-2125, otherwise press #1.
You foolishly press 1. The phone hangs up. How did that happen? You dial the new number 1 800 222-2125
"Hello and welcome. Please understand that mental health services of your type are conveniently not covered under our policy and you should expect yet another courtesy rate increase of your services. Please only use our services after we drop you from our policy."
You try to open the door.
"You haven't paid your new rate increase and that means we can't let you get out of the car. However you can pay by phone by calling 1 800 222-2126
You call desperate to get this done.
"Welcome. You have experienced a new rate increase. Once you receive your bill in the mail, you can promptly call us back to pay the bill. If you need mental health services, call 1 800 222-2125. mental health is provided as an additional service. Since you have not hung up, we assume you need them and have automatically increased your policy rate as an adjustment.
You sit catatonic watching drool drip down your face. Isn't it lovely to have insurance
Monday, November 30, 2009
Duck Season -- Part II
When last we left our...idiot, Elmer Epstein was trying to hunt down the dreaded Bugs Lugo.
"All right wabbit, say youw pwayers!"
Bugs Lugo lifts his carrot and said, "look there's Matt Holliday!"
Elmer Epstein turned around and slammed into Daffy Drew Duck.
"Ow!"
"Sowwy Mr. Dwew. I thought you wewe Matt Holliday"
"Do I LOOK like Matt Holliday?"
"Yes!"
Daffy leaned down and said, "and you wonder why nobody wants to play for the Red Sox anymore!"
"ha, ha...wait a minute. I fohgot. It's wabbit season!"
Daffy leaned down and said, "no, it's idiot season and excuse me. Slamming into me puts me on the DL ...again...ow my back!"
Elmer turned around and says to the audience, "wasn't Daffy Dwew wohth evewy penny! That was won of my bettah moves! Ha ha ha ha"
Epstein turned towards Bugs and said, "all wight wabbut. Say youw pwayers!"
"OK, God bless Ellen and God bless Gary and ..."
"Oh no you don't. I won't get fooled twice because fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice shame on me too...ah...how does that go?"
Bugs Lugo got up and said, "doc...it's duck season!"
"Oh no you don't Lugo, "said Daffy Duck. " It's wabbit season"
"Duck season"
"Rabbit season"
"Duck season"
"Rabbit season"
Bugs leans to the camera and says, "rabbit season"
"Duck season"
"Wabbit season!"
"Duck Season so shoot the duck...shoot the duck!"
A large explosion goes off.
"Now you know why I'm always on the disabled list. You're despicable!"
Daffy leans towards Elmer Epstein.
"OK...do it before he gets wise. It's duck season so shoot!
A large explosion goes off.
"O...K.....it's rabbit...duck...ah...."
Daffy Duck falls to the ground.
"Ah...so anyway doc, it's not rabbit season!"
"It's not?"
"Doc, it's hot stove season..."
"Oh...of course."
Bugs walks over to a burning hot stove.
"So step in here and start the hot stove season.'
"Gee mistah wabbit...that sounds awfully stupid of me to go in there."
"No more stupid than not signing Gonsalez!"
Elmer smiles, "ha, ha...that was a smaht move, ha ha...you see (whispering) if we dump Bay then we'll have Holliday instead."
"Ah doc, who's your left fielder and shortstop then."
Elmer laughs and says, "ah..."
'Doc...step into the oven. "
"Ok Mistah Wabbit but only because it's hot stove season."
A large scream is heard.
"HELP!"
"Hang in there doc. All of New England is cheering for you right now!"
THE END
"All right wabbit, say youw pwayers!"
Bugs Lugo lifts his carrot and said, "look there's Matt Holliday!"
Elmer Epstein turned around and slammed into Daffy Drew Duck.
"Ow!"
"Sowwy Mr. Dwew. I thought you wewe Matt Holliday"
"Do I LOOK like Matt Holliday?"
"Yes!"
Daffy leaned down and said, "and you wonder why nobody wants to play for the Red Sox anymore!"
"ha, ha...wait a minute. I fohgot. It's wabbit season!"
Daffy leaned down and said, "no, it's idiot season and excuse me. Slamming into me puts me on the DL ...again...ow my back!"
Elmer turned around and says to the audience, "wasn't Daffy Dwew wohth evewy penny! That was won of my bettah moves! Ha ha ha ha"
Epstein turned towards Bugs and said, "all wight wabbut. Say youw pwayers!"
"OK, God bless Ellen and God bless Gary and ..."
"Oh no you don't. I won't get fooled twice because fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice shame on me too...ah...how does that go?"
Bugs Lugo got up and said, "doc...it's duck season!"
"Oh no you don't Lugo, "said Daffy Duck. " It's wabbit season"
"Duck season"
"Rabbit season"
"Duck season"
"Rabbit season"
Bugs leans to the camera and says, "rabbit season"
"Duck season"
"Wabbit season!"
"Duck Season so shoot the duck...shoot the duck!"
A large explosion goes off.
"Now you know why I'm always on the disabled list. You're despicable!"
Daffy leans towards Elmer Epstein.
"OK...do it before he gets wise. It's duck season so shoot!
A large explosion goes off.
"O...K.....it's rabbit...duck...ah...."
Daffy Duck falls to the ground.
"Ah...so anyway doc, it's not rabbit season!"
"It's not?"
"Doc, it's hot stove season..."
"Oh...of course."
Bugs walks over to a burning hot stove.
"So step in here and start the hot stove season.'
"Gee mistah wabbit...that sounds awfully stupid of me to go in there."
"No more stupid than not signing Gonsalez!"
Elmer smiles, "ha, ha...that was a smaht move, ha ha...you see (whispering) if we dump Bay then we'll have Holliday instead."
"Ah doc, who's your left fielder and shortstop then."
Elmer laughs and says, "ah..."
'Doc...step into the oven. "
"Ok Mistah Wabbit but only because it's hot stove season."
A large scream is heard.
"HELP!"
"Hang in there doc. All of New England is cheering for you right now!"
THE END
Duck Season
Elmer Epstein ran to John Henry's desk with excitement.
"Ah...Mr. Henwy...I'm going to kill the wabbit!"
John looked up sulking and said, "Elmer, can't you wait until I've shot myself in the head. I find having half my head missing very relaxing when I talk to you. You should try it...really!"
Elmer laughed and said, "ha, ha, ha...gee Mr. Henwy, you never used to shoot yourself in the head before I got hired."
John leaned his eye upward and said, "and what does that tell you Elmer?"
"Ah...ha, ha, you don't support gun contwol!"
John sighed and said, "Elmer you really should consider blowing your head off. Might do you good. Now go hunting Elmer. Let me know when you get shot! I haven't had a party in a while!"
Elmer smiled and said, "if it makes you happy Mr. Henwy, I'll get shot twice!"
It was the first time that John had smiled in days.
(LATER)
"Be vewy quiet, I'm killing fwee agents...ha, ha, ha...it's wabbit season!"
Elmer snuck through the woods.
"I won't fail. I made won mistake with that scwey wabbit and I won't do it twice!"
Elmer looked and said, "oh hi Mr. Gwagme. How ya doing!"
"ahhh, a lot better since that sucker deal!"
Elmer walked on and then said, "hey...the Gwagme deal was bad too. But that's only two!"
Elmer trekked on.
"Oh hi Mr. Schilling!"
"One year of free pay! Thank you Mr. Elmer!"
Elmer walked on.
"Hey...that was a weally bad deal as well!"
Elmer walked on.
"Oh hi Mr. Jason!"
"It's KASON"
Elmer walked on and said, "hey why did we buy him bwack anyway!"
A walk forward for Elmer.
"Oh hi Mr. Gonsalez!"
"Go JAYS!"
Elmer walked on.
"Wow, that was a weally bad deal too. Hey...maybe I'm an idiot after all!"
Bugs Lugo walked at Elmer and said, "Ah...I didn't say it...but its TRUE
TO BE CONTINUED....
"Ah...Mr. Henwy...I'm going to kill the wabbit!"
John looked up sulking and said, "Elmer, can't you wait until I've shot myself in the head. I find having half my head missing very relaxing when I talk to you. You should try it...really!"
Elmer laughed and said, "ha, ha, ha...gee Mr. Henwy, you never used to shoot yourself in the head before I got hired."
John leaned his eye upward and said, "and what does that tell you Elmer?"
"Ah...ha, ha, you don't support gun contwol!"
John sighed and said, "Elmer you really should consider blowing your head off. Might do you good. Now go hunting Elmer. Let me know when you get shot! I haven't had a party in a while!"
Elmer smiled and said, "if it makes you happy Mr. Henwy, I'll get shot twice!"
It was the first time that John had smiled in days.
(LATER)
"Be vewy quiet, I'm killing fwee agents...ha, ha, ha...it's wabbit season!"
Elmer snuck through the woods.
"I won't fail. I made won mistake with that scwey wabbit and I won't do it twice!"
Elmer looked and said, "oh hi Mr. Gwagme. How ya doing!"
"ahhh, a lot better since that sucker deal!"
Elmer walked on and then said, "hey...the Gwagme deal was bad too. But that's only two!"
Elmer trekked on.
"Oh hi Mr. Schilling!"
"One year of free pay! Thank you Mr. Elmer!"
Elmer walked on.
"Hey...that was a weally bad deal as well!"
Elmer walked on.
"Oh hi Mr. Jason!"
"It's KASON"
Elmer walked on and said, "hey why did we buy him bwack anyway!"
A walk forward for Elmer.
"Oh hi Mr. Gonsalez!"
"Go JAYS!"
Elmer walked on.
"Wow, that was a weally bad deal too. Hey...maybe I'm an idiot after all!"
Bugs Lugo walked at Elmer and said, "Ah...I didn't say it...but its TRUE
TO BE CONTINUED....
Kill the Wabbit
John Henry sat at his desk, brimming with hate as the meek and stupid Elmer Epstein sat squirming at his feet.
"You know Elmer, you're an idiot. We know it, I know it and even you must have some idea, some perverse idea that you are a dolt!"
"Gee thank you Mr. Henwy. That's a vewy nice compliment!"
Henry then smashed his head against the desk. It hurt. Ow!
"I'm going to give you one more chance to KILL Lugo. Can you do it?"
"Oh couwse Mr. Henwy. I won't let you down. I'm a twained killah! ha ha ha ha ha."
"Right, well here it is. An AK-47. It will only take one round. I have Bugs Lugo locked in the back room. Go back there and LET HIM HAVE IT!"
Elmer smiled and said, "It's done!"
"DO IT!"
Elmer locked himself in the room seeing Bugs Lugo sitting with a carrot.
"Ah...what's up doc!"
"Say your pwayahs Wabbit!"
"My Prayers...OK"
Bugs Lugo sat down and said, "God bless, Ellen and Greg and Gary and Bob and David and Jacobe and Johnny and Daemon and Scott and Bors and Fred and Barney and ..."
(two hours later)
"...and Betty and Jules Verne and Albert and Einstein..."
Elmer looks towards the camera.
"Gee...Mistah wabbit has a lot of pwayahs."
"AMEN. I'm ready doc."
Elmer aims the AK-47 at Bugs Lugo.
"Now I'm going to let ya have it wabbit!"
"OK doc, give me the gun. You heard Mr. Henry , let me have it."
Elmer Epstein looks towards the camera.
"I have a weally bad feeling this is going to turn out like the Gag-me twade."
(one minute later)
Elmer walks out with gun powder all over his face.
"Gee Mistah Henwy...that hurt!"
Bugs walks out and says, "ain't I a stinker!"
"You know Elmer, you're an idiot. We know it, I know it and even you must have some idea, some perverse idea that you are a dolt!"
"Gee thank you Mr. Henwy. That's a vewy nice compliment!"
Henry then smashed his head against the desk. It hurt. Ow!
"I'm going to give you one more chance to KILL Lugo. Can you do it?"
"Oh couwse Mr. Henwy. I won't let you down. I'm a twained killah! ha ha ha ha ha."
"Right, well here it is. An AK-47. It will only take one round. I have Bugs Lugo locked in the back room. Go back there and LET HIM HAVE IT!"
Elmer smiled and said, "It's done!"
"DO IT!"
Elmer locked himself in the room seeing Bugs Lugo sitting with a carrot.
"Ah...what's up doc!"
"Say your pwayahs Wabbit!"
"My Prayers...OK"
Bugs Lugo sat down and said, "God bless, Ellen and Greg and Gary and Bob and David and Jacobe and Johnny and Daemon and Scott and Bors and Fred and Barney and ..."
(two hours later)
"...and Betty and Jules Verne and Albert and Einstein..."
Elmer looks towards the camera.
"Gee...Mistah wabbit has a lot of pwayahs."
"AMEN. I'm ready doc."
Elmer aims the AK-47 at Bugs Lugo.
"Now I'm going to let ya have it wabbit!"
"OK doc, give me the gun. You heard Mr. Henry , let me have it."
Elmer Epstein looks towards the camera.
"I have a weally bad feeling this is going to turn out like the Gag-me twade."
(one minute later)
Elmer walks out with gun powder all over his face.
"Gee Mistah Henwy...that hurt!"
Bugs walks out and says, "ain't I a stinker!"
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Elmer Epstein Strikes Again
John Henry stormed into his private dining room.
"EPSTEIN!"
"Yes, Mr. Henwy...is there something I can get for you!"
"I've had it, "snapped John who begin rolling his body around the table. "I want Bugs Lugo on my dinner plate tonight. Of all the stupid things. Hiring a rabbit to play shortstop and a Daffy Drew Duck to play right field. We're the laughing stock of the league!"
Elmer Epstein burned.
"OOOO That waskly wabbit. I'm make him into wabbit stew!"
Elmer stormed off hearing "you have twenty minutes" from John.
"Be wevy quiet. I'm killing Fwee Agents...ha, ha, ha!"
"Ah...what's up doc?"
That strange familiar sound grate Elmer Epstein's throat.
"Wabbit stew that's what's up!"
"Wabbit stew...mmmmmmmmm...I love wabbit stew...but it's nothing with a contract from Scott Boras!"
Elmer burned.
"What's Scott Big-ass got to do with Wabbit stew!"
"MMMM" kissed Bugs Lugo before storming off.
"Hey...that was the wabbit!"
"Pathetic, isn't he? " smiled Bugs.
Elmer threw a large coconut cream pie which Bugs Lugo easily missed. A large plop sound was heard as John Henry walked into the room with fire in his throat and said with a pleasing calm,
"Oh Elmer...why did you throw a coconut cream pie at me?"
"AH..."
"You have five minutes!"
Elmer grabbed his gun and started firing at missing badly. Elmer looked around and noticed Bugs Lugo who was dressed as Eric Gagme.
"Oh Mr. Gagme...how pwivilaged it would be to have you on the Wed Sox"
"Ah...it'll cost ya!"
"How much, 'drolled Epstein.
"Ten million for another four year even if I don't play a single game...!"
Elmer grabbed the contract and signed it. He turned towards the camera.
"A few more deals like this and the Wed Sox will be a totally diffwent team! Ha!"
Bugs Lugo looked at the camera and said, "Don't you hate it when they fall in love with last place!"
"Ah...what's up doc!"
Bugs ran off as Elmer Epstein sat there and said, "hey...that was the wabbit...and he tricked me again. With my intelligwece too!"
Elmer ran off before slamming into John Henry who looked like a man who was ready to kill.
"Elmer, did we just sign an extension to Bugs Lugo for another four years?"
"Yes Mistah Henwy!"
"Elmer, why did we sign an extension to Bugs Lugo for another four years?"
"Ah...kindness."
John grabbed Elmer and pulled him up to his face.
"Kindness???"
"But I thought I was signing Erig Gag-me. I didn't know!"
John put him down on the ground.
I'm going out for a ham sandwich. I don't have the money now for rabbit stew!"
Elmer looked towards the camera and said, "Hey...I won. He didn't fire me!"
"You're fired!"
"Dwat that scwewy wabbit!"
"Ah...it's a living!"
"EPSTEIN!"
"Yes, Mr. Henwy...is there something I can get for you!"
"I've had it, "snapped John who begin rolling his body around the table. "I want Bugs Lugo on my dinner plate tonight. Of all the stupid things. Hiring a rabbit to play shortstop and a Daffy Drew Duck to play right field. We're the laughing stock of the league!"
Elmer Epstein burned.
"OOOO That waskly wabbit. I'm make him into wabbit stew!"
Elmer stormed off hearing "you have twenty minutes" from John.
"Be wevy quiet. I'm killing Fwee Agents...ha, ha, ha!"
"Ah...what's up doc?"
That strange familiar sound grate Elmer Epstein's throat.
"Wabbit stew that's what's up!"
"Wabbit stew...mmmmmmmmm...I love wabbit stew...but it's nothing with a contract from Scott Boras!"
Elmer burned.
"What's Scott Big-ass got to do with Wabbit stew!"
"MMMM" kissed Bugs Lugo before storming off.
"Hey...that was the wabbit!"
"Pathetic, isn't he? " smiled Bugs.
Elmer threw a large coconut cream pie which Bugs Lugo easily missed. A large plop sound was heard as John Henry walked into the room with fire in his throat and said with a pleasing calm,
"Oh Elmer...why did you throw a coconut cream pie at me?"
"AH..."
"You have five minutes!"
Elmer grabbed his gun and started firing at missing badly. Elmer looked around and noticed Bugs Lugo who was dressed as Eric Gagme.
"Oh Mr. Gagme...how pwivilaged it would be to have you on the Wed Sox"
"Ah...it'll cost ya!"
"How much, 'drolled Epstein.
"Ten million for another four year even if I don't play a single game...!"
Elmer grabbed the contract and signed it. He turned towards the camera.
"A few more deals like this and the Wed Sox will be a totally diffwent team! Ha!"
Bugs Lugo looked at the camera and said, "Don't you hate it when they fall in love with last place!"
"Ah...what's up doc!"
Bugs ran off as Elmer Epstein sat there and said, "hey...that was the wabbit...and he tricked me again. With my intelligwece too!"
Elmer ran off before slamming into John Henry who looked like a man who was ready to kill.
"Elmer, did we just sign an extension to Bugs Lugo for another four years?"
"Yes Mistah Henwy!"
"Elmer, why did we sign an extension to Bugs Lugo for another four years?"
"Ah...kindness."
John grabbed Elmer and pulled him up to his face.
"Kindness???"
"But I thought I was signing Erig Gag-me. I didn't know!"
John put him down on the ground.
I'm going out for a ham sandwich. I don't have the money now for rabbit stew!"
Elmer looked towards the camera and said, "Hey...I won. He didn't fire me!"
"You're fired!"
"Dwat that scwewy wabbit!"
"Ah...it's a living!"
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