What if Insurance Companies ran our lives

You are a driver. You want to step into the car. This is a new 'smart' car designed to decide for you telling you what you can and can't do in the car. Insurance companies are out looking for you! You unlock the car and open the door. You sit down on the seat. You place the key in the ignition.

'I'm sorry. Car will not start since unlocking car is not covered under our policy. Please enter and exit again'

You try to remove the key.

"Please remove the key before exiting car. "

You remove the key from the ignition and then exit the car and open the door, without a key, and then repeat the process. The key is in the ignition.

'I'm sorry but do to theft concerns, you must first lock the car with your key and then unlock the car before inserting key. Your use of a key is outside our policy requirements.'

You then smash the steering wheel with your fist.

'I'm sorry but a steering wheel can only be used once the car is started. This is not covered under our policy'

You scream loud at the car cursing.

"You seem to be having trouble. Please contact the nearest agent at 1 800 222-2123."

You feel better. You call the number.

"I'm sorry but our number has changed. Please call us at 1 800 222-2123"

You realize its the same number and call again. Your heart is now racing and sweat is dripping down your face. A maddening look is oozing from your eyes.

"Welcome to our insurance company. Please listen carefully as your menu options have changed. If you are experiencing an episode of mental collapse, press #1"

You press 1.

"Welcome. You are in the right place. Please hang up and dial 1 800 222-2124"

You curse and scream and start dialing the phone. You want to use the restroom. You try to open the door.

"I'm sorry but your door cannot be unlocked without first removing the key. This is a new feature installed in your car. Aren't you happy?"

You smash your head against the windshield.

"If you are experiencing a crack in the windshield, please note this is not covered under our insurance policy but you can always pay for it yourself, and if you don't your car will not start until you do pay for it."

Tears welt down your face.

"We want to remind you of the necessary rate increase due to you smashing your head against the windshield. "

You scream but bite your tongue. You can still get mental health by the insurance company. You can relax.

"Welcome. You are having a nervous breakdown. If you need immediate help, please call 1 800 222-2125, otherwise press #1.

You foolishly press 1. The phone hangs up. How did that happen? You dial the new number 1 800 222-2125

"Hello and welcome. Please understand that mental health services of your type are conveniently not covered under our policy and you should expect yet another courtesy rate increase of your services. Please only use our services after we drop you from our policy."

You try to open the door.

"You haven't paid your new rate increase and that means we can't let you get out of the car. However you can pay by phone by calling 1 800 222-2126

You call desperate to get this done.

"Welcome. You have experienced a new rate increase. Once you receive your bill in the mail, you can promptly call us back to pay the bill. If you need mental health services, call 1 800 222-2125. mental health is provided as an additional service. Since you have not hung up, we assume you need them and have automatically increased your policy rate as an adjustment.

You sit catatonic watching drool drip down your face. Isn't it lovely to have insurance