Andrew Bailey, the new Boston Red Sox closer has big shoes to fill in replacing long time fan favorite Jonathan Papelbon while adjusting to the Boston atmosphere but Bailey says he's not worried.
"No, not at all. The fans in Boston clearly state that its all about letting the New York Yankees win at Fenway. They're apparently huge fans of the club and its OK I win once in a while but never against the Yankees. I promise I'll live up to that bargain."
Apparently Bailey is already on his way to doing that. When asked about his shaky start he said:
"Oh Salty told me before the game to pitch well and I didn't but I wasn't worried. We got all the little things out of the way like the uniform, ah, where first base is and so forth and that was huge. I didn't know where first base was before this. When the season starts, you're looking at Papelbon number two...ah...assuming I'm not on the DL too much this year...which is kind of unlikely. Just saying."
Before the next question was asked, Andrew continued on as if nobody was asking him questions.
"I want to add the most fun I had was when Salty and I had conversations and talked Milton. It was very stimulating for me. You know Milton is really hard poetry. It's really hard to pitch and think Milton. I wouldn't recommend it. "
I'm Joe Derive.
In other news, major league umpires are demanding seeing eye dogs at all games from now on to improve efficiently.
"We're mostly blind anyway so we're entitled to that feature. My dog Tubby is already trained to call balls and strikes with barks leaving me time to enjoy fried chicken and beer. One bark for a strike and two for a ball...or is it two for a strike...ah I forget. Anyway, so far it ain't workin too good I think, but catchers say its way better accuracy than ever so ya know...ya gotta let them in.
Here tubby...come and get the Ding-Dongs...good boy...yum...wow you sure do wobble around a lot now...good boy."
Meanwhile, on the other end of the spectrum, David Ortiz stated he has great motivation to get home runs.
"It's exhausting actually running to first base. You have no idea. I never had to do it before. Usually I do the King's walk but now I'm running like everyone else. You have no idea how desperate I'm getting. I'm hitting about .167, nothin gonna be left of me by the time I'm through. I want home runs...then I just have to stroll around the bases and sniff the grass. I miss sniffing the grass."
I'm Joe Derive and I'm done here.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Bobby Valentine Most Impressed with one person in particular
Welcome to Red Sox News:
Bobby Valentine says today that he is most impressed with Bobby Valentine.
"When you run down the list of incredible talent, Bobby Valentine certainly tops the list by a lot and that matters if the Sox are going to make it to sixth place or even higher."
When asked what impressed Bobby Valentine most about Bobby Valentine he had this to say.
"I think fans will really appreciate Bobby Valentine most when we head back to Bobby Valentine Park (formally Fenway Park) in Boston and we see those balls fly over the Valentine Monster (formally the Green Monster). Certainly team owner John Henry feels that when the games on the line, Valentine will be there to save them...and I plan to talk to John Henry a lot once he gets back from Liverpool one of these days."
Bobby Valentine, who took over for Terry Francona, feels confidence about himself as exhibited by various wall-sized posters located in various locations throughout Valentine Park in Florida, some personally autographed by Bobby Valentine in honor of his favorite team mate.
"I like Bobby Valentine. While Valentine Park in Florida may be too small a place to keep such a great talent as myself, I feel with time fans will appreciate the legend that was born in the great city of Valentine Florida."
Until then Bobby can relish in himself.
Pedro Ciriaco relishes big game moment in game that didn't count for anything. Credits hard winter work for getting nowhere fast.
Pedro Ciriaco says that he really enjoys winning big games that don't count for anything.
"When you hit a walk off home run in a game that doesn't count, it really reminds me how worthless my efforts were this offseason considering that they'll soon dump me back into Pawtucket while those overpriced crybabies can get money rained on them by stupid owners. Ya, that's where its at."
Pedro has worked extra hard this winter forcing himself to show everyone around him that he's yet another ignored superstar that will be traded away for some washed up has-been.
"Ben (Cherington) and I have talked about how I can get unloaded for some injury prone superstar that will collect a paycheck while watching reruns of the Golden Girls on his private jet that the Red Sox will provide when the whine factor gets high enough as he heals up from the inevitable injuries that will carry him through to the end of the contract. That's called the J.D. Factor by the way. Meanwhile I should be thankful that they wash the uniforms properly in Pawtucket. I say @#RT# Cherington."
Still Pedro says he isn't bitter.
"Nah, I know the story. I look at Dice-K. He's lounging around for most of his contract watching Fresh-Prince of Bel Air and other 80's TV or borrowing John Henry's boat while I sweat my tail off to impress so they can say I'm not ready yet but may be trade bait for Eric Gagne or some other wash out. I say #$#$ Cherington. "
Until then Pedro will impress until he's forgotten until the trade deadline where the Sox will look for a superstar with multiple injuries, poor performance and a huge price tag.
"One day someone thought I was Pedro Martinez. I'd laugh if it wasn't so pathetic. Ya I say...#$#$ Cherington. "
I'm Joe Derive.
Monday, February 27, 2012
Freshest Air
From National Public Radio, its 'Freshest Air' with Terry Gas.
I'm Terry Gas and my guest today is Terry Francona, formally of the Boston Red Sox who now serves as a Sunday night commentator for FOX. Terry, welcome to the show.
"Thank you Terry."
No, I'm Terry...
"We both have the same first name."
Right, I forgot that Terry...sorry.
"That's OK...but you can call me Tito if that's easier. "
OK Terry Tito, I guess my first question...
"No, Tito instead of Terry."
Ah...right, Tito Terry...anyway, my first question to you is that you left the Red Sox in utter disgrace having lead to the team to two world championships in 2004 and 2007 but failed to bring the team into the post season the last two years encouraging and perhaps demanding both beer heavy intoxicating drinking and fried chicken eating until the team became grossly overweight and unable to walk on the field without exposing their baggage of fat, wobbling while they walked while sipping on beers and scratching their fat driven bodies to the utter disgust of the fans who had to watch this pathetic excuse for a team...how did that make you feel that you failed so miserably and now can't even find a job and stuck in the announcer's chair making excuses that you need to step back when in reality you became a complete failure and disgrace to the game?
"Ah...am I supposed to answer that because most of what you said wasn't true and what was true was told in a patronizing and vial manner. I mean the players did not wobble on the field and they didn't slosh beers down and frankly I'm really offended."
OK, so you won't answer that question. My next question is that now beer is banned from the Red Sox, you stated it was a publicity stunt. Isn't it because you won't admit to yourself that you are washed up in the game and have become what is wrong with the world in general and are the true causes of poverty and global warming?
"Terry, are you on drugs?"
I'm glad you brought that up because admitting to yourself that you're on drugs even if its a form of a question can go along way in solving the problem. So what drugs are you on?
"OK I think this interview is over. I'm walking out!"
My guest has been Terry Tito Tito Terry Francona who admitted to heavy drug use and being a washout with little hope of a future.
My next guest is Manny Ramirez who has yet to serve a 50 game suspension for illegal steroid use after first failing the first set of tests. While facing a domestic violence case Manny still remains a much beloved member of the game despite these minor issues. Manny, local American legend, welcome.
"Glad to be here Terry."
Manny, having been the greatest and most liked player in the game, a legend among all, how do you deal with the smear campaign against you accusing you of violently pushing down a Red Sox staffer, doing illegal steroids, spousal abuse, lying about knee injuries, refusing to play to get another team and then storming off that team joining another team only to be thrown off that team...the greatest player of the game...it must be hard.
"Forgive me...I'm crying so hard. Finally someone understand's Manny Ramirez and what a legend he is. All this is not true and I humbled myself accepting with the Oakland A's just to get into the game to help the poor and starving in the world. I can barely get up in the morning without some smear. I love life and give to the poor and hug trees and save lives with my cancer research fund and help people read from around the world. "
That is so amazing Manny...you are a legend in your time.
"And in my mind!"
My guest today is Manny 'Legend' Ramirez who Tito Terry Tito Francona once called you the worst human being alive...how did that make you feel?
"I only cry hard trying to ease the pain in my heart from weeping. He smears a saint of a human being. I do all I can for my team and they smear me. Boo Hoo...I feel so bad."
You are a saint Mr. Ramirez and thank you for coming on Freshest Air and I'm Terry Gas.
"Thank you Terry...thank you!"
This is NPR
I'm Terry Gas and my guest today is Terry Francona, formally of the Boston Red Sox who now serves as a Sunday night commentator for FOX. Terry, welcome to the show.
"Thank you Terry."
No, I'm Terry...
"We both have the same first name."
Right, I forgot that Terry...sorry.
"That's OK...but you can call me Tito if that's easier. "
OK Terry Tito, I guess my first question...
"No, Tito instead of Terry."
Ah...right, Tito Terry...anyway, my first question to you is that you left the Red Sox in utter disgrace having lead to the team to two world championships in 2004 and 2007 but failed to bring the team into the post season the last two years encouraging and perhaps demanding both beer heavy intoxicating drinking and fried chicken eating until the team became grossly overweight and unable to walk on the field without exposing their baggage of fat, wobbling while they walked while sipping on beers and scratching their fat driven bodies to the utter disgust of the fans who had to watch this pathetic excuse for a team...how did that make you feel that you failed so miserably and now can't even find a job and stuck in the announcer's chair making excuses that you need to step back when in reality you became a complete failure and disgrace to the game?
"Ah...am I supposed to answer that because most of what you said wasn't true and what was true was told in a patronizing and vial manner. I mean the players did not wobble on the field and they didn't slosh beers down and frankly I'm really offended."
OK, so you won't answer that question. My next question is that now beer is banned from the Red Sox, you stated it was a publicity stunt. Isn't it because you won't admit to yourself that you are washed up in the game and have become what is wrong with the world in general and are the true causes of poverty and global warming?
"Terry, are you on drugs?"
I'm glad you brought that up because admitting to yourself that you're on drugs even if its a form of a question can go along way in solving the problem. So what drugs are you on?
"OK I think this interview is over. I'm walking out!"
My guest has been Terry Tito Tito Terry Francona who admitted to heavy drug use and being a washout with little hope of a future.
My next guest is Manny Ramirez who has yet to serve a 50 game suspension for illegal steroid use after first failing the first set of tests. While facing a domestic violence case Manny still remains a much beloved member of the game despite these minor issues. Manny, local American legend, welcome.
"Glad to be here Terry."
Manny, having been the greatest and most liked player in the game, a legend among all, how do you deal with the smear campaign against you accusing you of violently pushing down a Red Sox staffer, doing illegal steroids, spousal abuse, lying about knee injuries, refusing to play to get another team and then storming off that team joining another team only to be thrown off that team...the greatest player of the game...it must be hard.
"Forgive me...I'm crying so hard. Finally someone understand's Manny Ramirez and what a legend he is. All this is not true and I humbled myself accepting with the Oakland A's just to get into the game to help the poor and starving in the world. I can barely get up in the morning without some smear. I love life and give to the poor and hug trees and save lives with my cancer research fund and help people read from around the world. "
That is so amazing Manny...you are a legend in your time.
"And in my mind!"
My guest today is Manny 'Legend' Ramirez who Tito Terry Tito Francona once called you the worst human being alive...how did that make you feel?
"I only cry hard trying to ease the pain in my heart from weeping. He smears a saint of a human being. I do all I can for my team and they smear me. Boo Hoo...I feel so bad."
You are a saint Mr. Ramirez and thank you for coming on Freshest Air and I'm Terry Gas.
"Thank you Terry...thank you!"
This is NPR
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Cubs sent right-handed reliever Chris Carpenter and a player to be named later to the Red Sox for a player to be named.
(Thanks Arnie!)
With the resolution over the Theo What's-his-name situation finally over, the Boston Red Sox still have unfinished business as they are frantically trying to pick a player to be named. Ben Cherington stated "we have to name an unnamed player but we think we'll just leave him as unnamed in celebration of the 40th anniversary of the Gong Show."
Theo What-ya-ma-call-it felt sympathy for the situation. "Naming a player is hard. I often refer to them as 'you there' or 'what's your name' or 'something or other' and I get by with that very well but having to give a player a name is a hard issue that I often resolve by thinking about stuff. '
Dustin Pedroia had this to say: 'what the **** is that all about. I mean I have a name and why do the Red Sox have to name a player when we're all born with names. This is about the dumbest thing since the Sox signed Julio Lugo...no, actually Drew...nah, I think Lugo. Ya, Lugo...then again there was Eric Gagne...whew this is tough."
John Henry though had an explanation. "Everybody in baseball is unnamed until they're named and then they have a name because before they were unnamed and then it gets really confusing and complicated because it involves naming the unnamed but right now I have to make the Liverpool match as that's my main interest right now but we'll name someone after I get back or something like that. "
Until then the Sox have to wait and name someone. Fan reactions are mixed but most say that the Sox should name Unknown Player in celebration of the 40th anniversary of that 'what-ya-call-it show' with that host to be named later.
I'm Arnie, reporter for the Food Court :)
Monday, February 20, 2012
Joe Derive in Florida
Hi, I'm Joe Derive and I'm in Florida and the weather is just gorgeous and the food is great. Actually sitting down against the warm sun is the favorite thing for me to do...but I did do my job, in between sun bathing.
Johnny Damon.
Johnny Damon can't figure out why the Yankees haven't called him despite the perfect match. Here is what I think:
Johnny Damon, if the Yankees haven't called you don't take it personally. You're 38 and while a great player and a good hitter you have an ego the size of Mt. Rushmore and your comment didn't help your cause -- just a thought but sounding stupid doesn't earn you brownie points.
Carl Crawford:
Carl Crawford doesn't like what John Henry said about him but he was OK with what Valentine said since that's TV (referring to his stance.) Now I have nothing against Carl, he's a great player but it was a bad deal for the Sox and everyone knows it. Here are my thoughts:
Carl, this isn't ABOUT YOU. I know that's hard to believe but it was about Theo Epstein and his bad move to get you into the organization when you were not a fit. That's what it's about. Then you get injured and cost the team more time and money solidifying John Henry's case NOT going against it.
Your batting stance: Carl, when you're paid several million dollars and don't perform, don't expect warm fuzzies. If you're paid $10 dollars an hour, then whine...really its OK but you're not -- you're being paid more than most American citizens will make in 100 lifetimes so stop whining and start playing.
Tim Wakefield
Jerry Remy said it was hard to give up the game well Tim Wakefield proved it and frankly I was moved to tears and I haven't cried that hard since I saw The Champ (that's our little secret guys OK!) Anyway, we'll miss ya Tim and all you gave. You did the right thing and did a class act. I'm proud. It wasn't easy to do but necessary and I'm sure it wasn't easy. We'll miss ya Tim!
Manny Ramirez
There is no question that Manny will be a great asset to the Oakland A's. He'll annoy everyone in the clubhouse, do steroids, commit criminal acts and still get a paycheck...wait Oakland -- what we're you thinking!!!
Julio Lugo
Lugo was all set to sign with the Cleveland Indians but the contract was not signed. Yet you'll all be glad to know that Julio has a web site. I'll post the link but first I have to reboot my browser since it crashed it..which is actually appropriate because it was crashing reality when I read it. Talk about spin!!!
http://www.mergepoint.com/juliolugo/bio.html.
Anyway, we wish you well Julio. Really...OK on to other topics.
Food Combinations
For all you guys out there, three beers, two large bottles of red wine, fifteen hot dogs, a slurpee, two bowls of ice cream, four ding-dongs and three apple pies are not conducive to a good night's sleep...not that it has anything to do with me of course. I might also add that three pizza's and an entire box of Oreo's with whole milk...not good but it was so good at the time.
I'm Joe Derive.
Johnny Damon.
Johnny Damon can't figure out why the Yankees haven't called him despite the perfect match. Here is what I think:
Johnny Damon, if the Yankees haven't called you don't take it personally. You're 38 and while a great player and a good hitter you have an ego the size of Mt. Rushmore and your comment didn't help your cause -- just a thought but sounding stupid doesn't earn you brownie points.
Carl Crawford:
Carl Crawford doesn't like what John Henry said about him but he was OK with what Valentine said since that's TV (referring to his stance.) Now I have nothing against Carl, he's a great player but it was a bad deal for the Sox and everyone knows it. Here are my thoughts:
Carl, this isn't ABOUT YOU. I know that's hard to believe but it was about Theo Epstein and his bad move to get you into the organization when you were not a fit. That's what it's about. Then you get injured and cost the team more time and money solidifying John Henry's case NOT going against it.
Your batting stance: Carl, when you're paid several million dollars and don't perform, don't expect warm fuzzies. If you're paid $10 dollars an hour, then whine...really its OK but you're not -- you're being paid more than most American citizens will make in 100 lifetimes so stop whining and start playing.
Tim Wakefield
Jerry Remy said it was hard to give up the game well Tim Wakefield proved it and frankly I was moved to tears and I haven't cried that hard since I saw The Champ (that's our little secret guys OK!) Anyway, we'll miss ya Tim and all you gave. You did the right thing and did a class act. I'm proud. It wasn't easy to do but necessary and I'm sure it wasn't easy. We'll miss ya Tim!
Manny Ramirez
There is no question that Manny will be a great asset to the Oakland A's. He'll annoy everyone in the clubhouse, do steroids, commit criminal acts and still get a paycheck...wait Oakland -- what we're you thinking!!!
Julio Lugo
Lugo was all set to sign with the Cleveland Indians but the contract was not signed. Yet you'll all be glad to know that Julio has a web site. I'll post the link but first I have to reboot my browser since it crashed it..which is actually appropriate because it was crashing reality when I read it. Talk about spin!!!
http://www.mergepoint.com/juliolugo/bio.html.
Anyway, we wish you well Julio. Really...OK on to other topics.
Food Combinations
For all you guys out there, three beers, two large bottles of red wine, fifteen hot dogs, a slurpee, two bowls of ice cream, four ding-dongs and three apple pies are not conducive to a good night's sleep...not that it has anything to do with me of course. I might also add that three pizza's and an entire box of Oreo's with whole milk...not good but it was so good at the time.
I'm Joe Derive.
Monday, February 13, 2012
Joe Derive and Truck day
Hi, I'm Joe Derive and we're here on Truck day where a bunch of insane fans are braving the cold to watch a tracker trailer truck head out to Florida for the start of Spring training. I talked to some fans and the truck driver. Here's what happened.
Truck driver
"Oh about one third of the truck is baseball equipment. We also got an X-Ray machine as well. Most of the rest is dirt bikes, golf clubs, frozen fried chicken, beer, caviar, fine jewelry, cheese and wine, ah...a variety of cold cereals, pop-tarts, adult movies, you know stuff the players need to get them in the mood to play baseball. "
"Wait...did you say pop-tarts?"
"Ya, got that and massage equipment, a hot tub, hair dryers, Italian suits, expensive headphones, custom designed golf shoes...lawn equipment, art supplies, you know essentials..."
"OK, well good luck on your trip and we won't take up anymore of your time...I hope."
I then talked to a bunch of fans starting with this family.
FAMILY
"Daddy I want to go home... I can't feel my feet."
"We came all the way from Austrialia to see this and we're going to see this stupid truck leave and we're going to like it because we're Red Sox fans...GOT IT"
"Yes Daddy...but I can't feel my toes..."
"Honey, she has a point...we're standing here in the cold to watch a tractor trailer truck drive away..."
"You would think that they would hand out Hot chocolate or something!"
OK well, that was pleasant...and yes I got them some hot chocolate...man the Sox management is cheap. Here the fans are waiting out in the cold to watch a truck leave the stadium and they won't even buy them hot chocolate...I asked Larry Luchino about this.
Larry
We have such loyal fans,..some family from Australia, New York, all over the world come to see this truck leave...its a tradition Joe.
"How about handing them some hot chocolate?"
"Well of course. Fans can purchase hot chocolate and if they buy it now it's only $14.00 a cup plus we're giving away free cups with the hot chocolate signed by the truck driver."
Of all the outrageous ideas Larry! How can you be this cheap!
"Look Joe, we're also handing out autographed hats and gloves that fans can purchase at $75 for the hats and $95 for the gloves. They were worn heavily by Josh Beckett while he worked out in the winter so you get his stinking sweat as well. Its a bargain...and did I mention if you have an extra $126, we're selling J.D. Drew's diarrhea underwear as well as Tim Wakefield's kidney stone underwear...."
No!!!!
OK, Sox fans. You need to write a bunch of letters to these nutcases so we can take back our team...
"Hey Joe have you seen where they're selling Josh Beckett's gloves and hats...!"
I'm Joe Derive and get me OUT OF HERE!!!!
Truck driver
"Oh about one third of the truck is baseball equipment. We also got an X-Ray machine as well. Most of the rest is dirt bikes, golf clubs, frozen fried chicken, beer, caviar, fine jewelry, cheese and wine, ah...a variety of cold cereals, pop-tarts, adult movies, you know stuff the players need to get them in the mood to play baseball. "
"Wait...did you say pop-tarts?"
"Ya, got that and massage equipment, a hot tub, hair dryers, Italian suits, expensive headphones, custom designed golf shoes...lawn equipment, art supplies, you know essentials..."
"OK, well good luck on your trip and we won't take up anymore of your time...I hope."
I then talked to a bunch of fans starting with this family.
FAMILY
"Daddy I want to go home... I can't feel my feet."
"We came all the way from Austrialia to see this and we're going to see this stupid truck leave and we're going to like it because we're Red Sox fans...GOT IT"
"Yes Daddy...but I can't feel my toes..."
"Honey, she has a point...we're standing here in the cold to watch a tractor trailer truck drive away..."
"You would think that they would hand out Hot chocolate or something!"
OK well, that was pleasant...and yes I got them some hot chocolate...man the Sox management is cheap. Here the fans are waiting out in the cold to watch a truck leave the stadium and they won't even buy them hot chocolate...I asked Larry Luchino about this.
Larry
We have such loyal fans,..some family from Australia, New York, all over the world come to see this truck leave...its a tradition Joe.
"How about handing them some hot chocolate?"
"Well of course. Fans can purchase hot chocolate and if they buy it now it's only $14.00 a cup plus we're giving away free cups with the hot chocolate signed by the truck driver."
Of all the outrageous ideas Larry! How can you be this cheap!
"Look Joe, we're also handing out autographed hats and gloves that fans can purchase at $75 for the hats and $95 for the gloves. They were worn heavily by Josh Beckett while he worked out in the winter so you get his stinking sweat as well. Its a bargain...and did I mention if you have an extra $126, we're selling J.D. Drew's diarrhea underwear as well as Tim Wakefield's kidney stone underwear...."
No!!!!
OK, Sox fans. You need to write a bunch of letters to these nutcases so we can take back our team...
"Hey Joe have you seen where they're selling Josh Beckett's gloves and hats...!"
I'm Joe Derive and get me OUT OF HERE!!!!
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Joe Derive's Book Club!!!!
Hi, I'm Joe Derive and in my latest drinking binge I had this idea for some videos. I'm really glad that some baseball players decided to promote their books in order to promote their pocket books. Now I know its after Christmas but so what.
Bobby Jenks - $24.95 with a 20% offer
Hi, I'm Bobby Jenks. My new book available from Barnes and Noble Nook is called
'How To Work Out And Get Multiple Back Injuries Requiring Surgery' by Bobby Jenks
This new Nook edition takes you through the steps needed to complete this successful weight loss and fitness improvement program. In this book, I'll show you the steps needed to really get the look you want and still get multiple back surgeries probably ruining your career. This Nook edition is great since you get to read it and work out at the same time. I'll show you how to eat French fries, Twinkies, lots of lard producing processed cheese and all of this while watching the White Sox on your couch watching your blood pressure go through the roof and still get a back injury so run out today...well actually wheel chair out if you follow my plan and get one today.
Manny Ramirez - $36.95 with 10% offer
Hi, I'm Manny Ramirez. My new book available from Amazon.com in hardcover is called:
"How to ruin a Hall-Of-Fame career With Extensive Drug Use and Jail Time" by Manny Ramirez
This new edition takes you through my career and shows you the steps needed to remove a talented career in favor of a washed up retirement. I show you the steps to success including pushing old people to the ground, faking injuries, taking steroids while claiming you were taking Viagra as well as showing a constant immature attitude...but there's more. I'll also show you how to be a complete ass as I dig my own grave of shame and smile about it. So get your book today and do it before you get into too much trouble by following my plan!
Theo Epstein - $134,749.24 with a 1% offer
Hi, I'm Theo Epstein. My new book is available from Borders on its closeout rack in a warehouse somewhere. I think this is actually why Borders went out of business. Anyway, it is called:
"How My Amazing Education Failed to Remove My Stupid " by Theo Epstein
Now don't get discouraged if the title confuses you. Just remember that just because I went to a terrific school I still can add 200 million plus no talent equals total team failure. I did it to Boston and now I take that great talent and bring it to Chicago. I'll show you how to buy a gorilla suit and wear it without ECT treatment and I'll show you how to buy a house (variable mortgage and basement floods with a roof that needs replacement and a crumbling foundation). All these things and more like buying stuff and throwing it away or drill holes in your head for better holistic thinking...some come on down and buy this.
John Henry $23.23 with a 100% discount
Hi, I'm John Henry and run down and get my book at your local book store:
"How To Put Your Foot In Your Mouth Every Time You Talk Because You Can't Help It "
I know this is a book for anyone's Christmas list and I certainly want you to run out and get this book because its about how you talk to people and learn to duck as they throw things at you for sounding like a total idiot. I'll show you my own life examples like buying headphones for my overpriced ballplayers or spending tons of time on a soccer team as the Red Sox collapsed or how I let Theo Epstein go before I settled with Chicago loosing any leverage I had. Wow, get this book and Theo Epstein's book and you're sure to have success in life. So get your butt off the couch and start living the John Henry lifestyle which includes calling talk shows on the radio so you can sound stupid too like me do.
OK, that's it folks...see ya soon!
Bobby Jenks - $24.95 with a 20% offer
Hi, I'm Bobby Jenks. My new book available from Barnes and Noble Nook is called
'How To Work Out And Get Multiple Back Injuries Requiring Surgery' by Bobby Jenks
This new Nook edition takes you through the steps needed to complete this successful weight loss and fitness improvement program. In this book, I'll show you the steps needed to really get the look you want and still get multiple back surgeries probably ruining your career. This Nook edition is great since you get to read it and work out at the same time. I'll show you how to eat French fries, Twinkies, lots of lard producing processed cheese and all of this while watching the White Sox on your couch watching your blood pressure go through the roof and still get a back injury so run out today...well actually wheel chair out if you follow my plan and get one today.
Manny Ramirez - $36.95 with 10% offer
Hi, I'm Manny Ramirez. My new book available from Amazon.com in hardcover is called:
"How to ruin a Hall-Of-Fame career With Extensive Drug Use and Jail Time" by Manny Ramirez
This new edition takes you through my career and shows you the steps needed to remove a talented career in favor of a washed up retirement. I show you the steps to success including pushing old people to the ground, faking injuries, taking steroids while claiming you were taking Viagra as well as showing a constant immature attitude...but there's more. I'll also show you how to be a complete ass as I dig my own grave of shame and smile about it. So get your book today and do it before you get into too much trouble by following my plan!
Theo Epstein - $134,749.24 with a 1% offer
Hi, I'm Theo Epstein. My new book is available from Borders on its closeout rack in a warehouse somewhere. I think this is actually why Borders went out of business. Anyway, it is called:
"How My Amazing Education Failed to Remove My Stupid " by Theo Epstein
Now don't get discouraged if the title confuses you. Just remember that just because I went to a terrific school I still can add 200 million plus no talent equals total team failure. I did it to Boston and now I take that great talent and bring it to Chicago. I'll show you how to buy a gorilla suit and wear it without ECT treatment and I'll show you how to buy a house (variable mortgage and basement floods with a roof that needs replacement and a crumbling foundation). All these things and more like buying stuff and throwing it away or drill holes in your head for better holistic thinking...some come on down and buy this.
John Henry $23.23 with a 100% discount
Hi, I'm John Henry and run down and get my book at your local book store:
"How To Put Your Foot In Your Mouth Every Time You Talk Because You Can't Help It "
I know this is a book for anyone's Christmas list and I certainly want you to run out and get this book because its about how you talk to people and learn to duck as they throw things at you for sounding like a total idiot. I'll show you my own life examples like buying headphones for my overpriced ballplayers or spending tons of time on a soccer team as the Red Sox collapsed or how I let Theo Epstein go before I settled with Chicago loosing any leverage I had. Wow, get this book and Theo Epstein's book and you're sure to have success in life. So get your butt off the couch and start living the John Henry lifestyle which includes calling talk shows on the radio so you can sound stupid too like me do.
OK, that's it folks...see ya soon!
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