Press release from Julio Lugo

Hi, this is Arnie. Red Sox Humor has just received a press release from the representative for Mr. Lugo. We are reprinting it as it was sent to us.

My name is Zazu Zuluwitz and I'm representive for the Julio Lugo. Misster Lugo asking me say to all peoples of the Red Sockz Nation: We no needing no more porks chopz, ham, bacons, pork rinds, pork shoulderz, pigs trotters, pig lips, snouts, pork bellies, cushions, nor nothing coming from the pigs or the swines. Appreciating the generousity is Senor Lugo but enuff is enuff. As it is we felt compelling to rent the exztra refrigerator truck for the backs yard, but it broken now. Ay caramba, but them nieghbors they cause a stink. Haha, gets it you the joke? Zo please, if you wanting to be generous more for the Julio Lugo zend your monies to the Lugo Fund For Retarded Athletes. Itz tax deducktible and Mr. Lugo gets all the fundz. He'z kinda retarded, no? More jokez, you peoples got to learning to laugh! Tanks you berry mucho. Z. Zuluwitz.

There you have it. Frankly I'm a little uncertain why Red Sox fans would send Julio so much pork. It couldn't be the..............nah, that couldn't be it.