Bud Selig's Day

Good afternoon and welcome to Spring Training with Bud Selig. We're here on a warm and sunny day in Florida watching the Red Sox vs. The Twins. Welcome Mr. Selig.

"Glad to be here in this family stadium."

So Mr. Selig. How are you enjoying today's ballgame?

"Oh my God. How can you ask me such a thing. I haven't done that in years!"

Mr. Selig, I realize you were never a ballplayer yourself but you are the commissioner.

"Of course I'm not. I would never do such a thing. Lowest trash on the planet!

Mr. Selig, are you saying that ballplayers like Carlton Fisk and Carl Yastremski are trash? Is that what you are saying!

"Anything done in the privacy of your own home is your problem but do it in public and that's when I get disgusted. "

Ok Mr. Selig, let's change the subject since I am totally confused here. Anyway, I understand the ballboy for today is here for his community efforts!

"Community efforts. Now we are rewarding ballplayers! Whatever happened to sports and community contributions...besides that of course!

Mr. Selig. He told me someday he wants to be a ballplayer himself! How can you take away his dreams like that!

"Oh that poor child. No family values that's what I say! That's what's wrong with America nowadays! They start them young and then they grow up to be fulltime ballplayers!

Well, Mr. Selig, those ballplayers pay your salary!

"My salary is based on filth! Oh what have I done. In my day we didn't become ballplayers until we were married for at least ten years"

Mr. Selig, I have no idea what you're talking about.

"How could you. You're a woman!

Mr. Selig, just because we don't have pro-ball out there we do have at least ball girls!

"How is this possible! I'm going to get sick. Of all the...are you serious!"

That is a sexist comment Mr. Selig. They can be at the ballpark like everyone else. They are very dedicated...

"Dedicated! They're dedicated and now we have entire parks donated to this...piece of entertainment. Oh no...it's over. The world is over.

Mr. Selig, so far I am totally confused! I am talking about baseball. I do not know what you are talking about but please keep it to yourself!

"Baseball...oh...ya...I get it...oh man, did I make a fool of myself...again. Is this live?