Joe Derive is BACK

Hi, I'm Joe Derive. You know me and if you don't that's OK. I'm your regular Red Sox reporter coming to you from Florida. Ya, Red Sox training where I get to sit around all day and ask stupid questions while eating a pizza and watching my belly giggle. What more can you ask for?

Anyway, here are some stories from the sunshine state that I thought you might enjoy.

CC. Sebastia

Looks like old CC lost some pounds. I asked CC why he did it (problem with his knee) and what he gave up (huge amounts of staggering fats and sugars allowing him to live longer and burn through his money on something other than food.)

“The hardest thing was giving up coco-puffs. I'm koo-koo for coco-puffs. First I add like chocolate milk and chocolate syrup and then I top it with coco-puffs in a large salad bowl. “

I then asked him why a salad bowl. I thought I people ate out of dishes.

“Oh, I don't know. The entire box required a large container. I started with a bowl but was never filled up. Then I discovered Sam's club. I mean it catered to my special eating needs. You could get these giant size boxes like three times the size of a normal box and with some work I managed to finish those off in a meal or two. It was cheaper that way.”

I wanted to ask him how often his stomach expanded and exploded on a regular basis but I instead asked him what else.

“Oh, I also like chocolate wafers. They're real small so you don't have to eat many. I find it best to put them in a large garbage and buy them by the freight truck load and munch on them during the day. With the garbage can it can last oh, two or three hours at least. “

I had that 'holy crap' thought in my head but asked him what the ultimate meal was.

“There's a local deli down the street. I get this taco with meat and cheese and they wrap it in a large pizza. Then they deep fry it and add a cheese sauce and sprinkle it with more meat and cheese. Then they cover it with mushrooms and bacon strips before wrapping it in a large pizza again. It's double the fun. That fills me up for the entire ball game. “

This guy could fill the grand canyon with one bowel movement. No worries Colorado River, here comes C.C. Sebastia. I then asked him what about desert.

“Oh, that's easy. A Carvel Ice Cream cake. Oh man I can finish that one off in fifteen minutes. “

“A slice, “ I asked.

“No the entire cake. Sometimes I get sick but I wash it down with Neslie Quick. “

Well, that's enough of that. Amazing this man doesn't have heart attacks on a regular basis.

Anyway, join me next time as we talk with Kevin Youk about third base and Julio Lugo about his prospects for free agency (that's baseball is free of Lugo) and finally we'll sit down with J.D. Drew, the guy who designed the stunts for Spiderman, Alone in the Dark about how he took his injury free approach to Broadway.