Clay's Day

Hello, I'm Clay Buckholtz and this is my day. You see, I'm a good pitcher but I have a serious problem with reading social situations, but don't believe me, just listen to my story.

Today I was asked to give away Boston Red Sox tickets at a local bank. It seemed simple enough. The meeting with John Henry went well.

"Now remember Clay, don't come back until you give away fifteen tickets! If you don't, you're fired!"

I was so excited and I thought it was an easy day but they put me in the loans department of the bank and I sort of didn't handle that well. I was just trying to add a little humor.

"Are you Clay Buckholtz?"
"Yes, I'm giving away free tickets to the Red Sox. I mean that's better than a loan denial isn't it?"

OK, that was just one bad attempt.

"Are you Clay Buckholtz?"
"Ya and I'm giving away Red Sox tickets which is great because this bank never gives any loans out. "

For some reason the bank said they didn't have any more time for me to give away tickets...but I still had to give away tickets and then I thought of Arnie so I called him.

"Hey Arnie."
"Oh hey Clay, what can I do you for?"
"I was wondering if you'd accept some Red Sox tickets...free?"
A long pause followed. Arnie pauses a lot when I ask him stuff.
"Hey, I'd love em but I just can't make it. How about you call Garry, a friend of mine but whatever you do, don't praise John Farrell. he's kind of against him."
"OK, no problem."

I was really excited and I was glad that Garry was a John Farrell fan.

"Hello Garry?"
"Who is this?"
"Clay Buckholtz from the Boston Red Sox. Look, I was wondering if you'd like some tickets for the Blue Jays. I mean its like a reunion with John Farrell. Man what a great pitching coach he was hu? I heard you were a real fan of his. I mean I can tell you all about him and stuff..."
For some reason our conversation didn't last long after that. So I called Arnie back.

"Hey you didn't mention John Farrell did you?"
"Ah, no...of course...not. That would be...insane, so like you got anyone else?"
"Sure, Greg. Call him and if you know something about Rome, he loves that stuff!"

So I called Greg and gave myself a cram course on Rome.

"Hey Greg!"
"Hey who is this!"
"Clay Buckholtz of the Red Sox."
"Great."
"I hear you know about Rome and I'm an expert."
That was probably not a good thing to say.
"Ya I know some. What period do you study?"
"Ah, the Rome...period actually."
Oh boy I was starting to panic here.
"I know but Empire, Republic, Eastern, you know."
I should have shut up at this point but I didn't. I don't know why. It's just me.
"Ah, all of the...above...especially ah...the time of ah...George Washington, stuff...."

We didn't talk much after that. I realized I needed a place that didn't exactly know what was going on in my head. I had the perfect idea!

"Hey everyone, I'm here to give out Red Sox tickets. Red Sox tickets just raise your arm up...or toe or something."

That didn't go well and it was such a great idea. I guess the intensive care patients of a hospital might not be the best place to offer tickets.

So anyway, John Henry calls me on the phone tearing into me. I decided that desperate times called for desperate actions and I was at a hospital anyway.

"OK, you want one, great. "
"I have...ah..two left...oh you...great"
Within fifteen minutes I had unloaded all fifteen tickets, like one a minute. Who says Clay doesn't rock!
"Sir, the morgue is closing now...and you realize you're talking to dead people right?"
"Oh ya, sure...ah...like some Red Sox tickets."


So anyway, that's how I got rid of fifteen Red Sox tickets. Great hu.