Joe Derive at Arnies

"Hi, I'm Joe Derive. I'm at Arnie's restaurant in Colorado...oh Arnie!"

A clang of dishes and chit chat lingered in the background. Joe seemed relaxed and contemplative despite the stains of sauces and cheese surrounding his shirt.

"Ya, "said Arnie the host and best cook ever.

"Need another Arnie special. "

"Ya mean the two topping pizza, four cheese burgers and fifteen orders of fries?"

Arnie wrote down the order for the fifth time today giving Joe a strange look that almost questioned how his stomach could hold so much food.

" You got it! "

"Man, surprised you're not dead yet...Lugo, hands above the table this is a family restaurant. "said Arnie.

Arnie starred at Lugo until he shamefully moved his hands and rested them on the tablecloth.

" Anyway, I'm here with..."

Arnie grunted and reached over to pull Lugo's hands above the table.

"Stop consulting the professor underneath the table, "snapped Arnie. "I'll be back. "

Joe watched Arnie move away but then turn back.


"Drew, plastic spoons only. You know how you almost stabbed somebody in the face with that plastic knife of yours. "

"That was you wasn't it?"

"Oh ya, I forgot about that wound. "said Arnie rubbing his left cheek.

"Ow, my eyebrow hurts. Can you fix it Arnie?"

Arnie grabbed his forehead and proceeded into the kitchen. There were a few stares from the customers but Joe wondered if it was Zazu or his own ability to consume five Arnie dishes in one afternoon.

"Hey, I hate the Red Sox and the Dodgers and the Tigers and the Rays, "said Zazu, known as Manny Ramirez who was still sticking needles in his arms.

"Will you stop giving yourself steroids, its how you got fired in the first place!"

"Anyway, "said Joe Derive, "I'm here with Julio Lugo and Zazu Ramirez and J.D. Drew and we partake in baseball exchange and ask the fatal question -- what happened to the Red Sox. "

"Here's your order, "said Arnie putting down the dishes on the table. Lugo once again slid his hands under the table before Arnie grabbed them and placed them on the table.

"Zazu, put the needles away."

"Hey, Zazu's involved in future establishments of film production to express the more sensitive side of him."

Arnie shook his head and cleaned up the dirty dishes.

"I'll look for you on PainPerView.com, "said Arnie.

"Hey, how'd you know?"

Arnie gave a small laugh and said, "I honestly made it up but with you Zazu, I'm not surprised. " Zazu watched Arnie roll away and move into the kitchen laughing all the harder.

"Anyway, what's with the Red Sox Lugo?"

"I think they're losing a lot. If they win a lot then they won't lose a lot but that's just a thought. "

"Mr Zazu, can you sign my autograph, "said a small boy of about eight standing with his father.

"Sure, what do I say?"

"Steroids make Zazu a loser would work. "

Zazu handed the kid back the notebook and turned away. Joe Derive almost choked on his food giving out a loud laugh.

"Hey, are you Julio Lugo?"

Lugo gave out a gleeful smile and said, "you bet."

'How's that free agent thing working out for you?"

Lugo moved his hands under the table.

"Ah, not good. "

"Sorry, my dad told me it takes a lot of guts to go out there and play with your talent. I can imagine how tough that is."

'Nice kid, "said Lugo gritting his teeth. "

"Ow, my arm, "said J.D. Drew missing with his spoon in attempting to eat instead striking his arm with his spoon.

"Anyway, thanks kid...see ya later. "

Joe then leaned towards the camera.

"Anyway, with the Sox at 2 and 9, many are wondering how the Sox can come back. J.D. what do you think?"

"I gotta eat. I've tried for half an hour and I still can't scoop the food and I'm all bruised. I miss straws but I choke on them when I use them and I tried finger food but..."

Joe sighed and said, "it's OK Drew. We got a nurse for you."

Joe turned towards the camera.

"Anyway..."

"LUGO."

Arnie stormed up to him and said, "First you burn down the block with your FlameThrower restaurant and then you...Lugo, control yourself OK. "

Lugo nodded and started eating his food.

"OK, well maybe next time we'll get going and get something done. It's been great folks. "