A Day in the life of a 3rd base coach

Tim Bogar was the 3rd base coach of the Red Sox. He got up from the floor and looked at the clock. It said 6:00 am. The alarm blazed in his ears. He rolled over on the floor.

"Wow, 6 pm already. I overslept."

He got up and went to the shower. He turned on the water and cleaned himself off and then got out of the shower. He wiped off himself and his clothes.

"Wow, my clothes are wet. How did that happen?"

Still confused, he went to the bathroom and grabbed a hairbrush. After applying shampoo he brushed his teeth. The hairbrush was quite large for his mouth and painful but Tim wanted to be good to his teeth.

"I always get so many cavities, " he thought to himself. "You would think they would make these toothbrushes smaller and toothpaste always makes me want to throw up."

He then grabbed a toothbrush, poured toothpaste on it and brushed his hair.

"This is taking forever. If they would only make toothbrushes for hair and hairbrushes for teeth. Wow, my brain is starting to fry. I'd better stop thinking. It hurts too much."

Before leaving the hotel room, Tim moved the mattress and the boxspring back on the bed. He didn't sweat since his clothes were so wet.

"Beds take up so much room. I wonder why they put them in a hotel."

Tim hated beds. They got in the way of a good nights sleep on the floor. Bogar walked out of the room and to the elevator. He pushed the button.

"My, I need food. I'll go to the topfloor."

Bogar pressed a button and once the elevator opened he walked inside. Dripping water soaked up in the carpet from his wet clothes. He watched the numbers get smaller until they reached one.

"Top floor. Wow, I'm hungry."

He walked to the breakfast area. The waiter looked at him strangely. He looked at the waiter strangely.

"Breakfast sir?"

"Yes."

"Help yourself."

Bogar, was so happy. He walked to the food on the tables and starting eating. He was so hungry.

"Sir, what are you doing?"

Bogar got confused. Everybody was confusing him today.

"Eating?"

"Sir, bring the food to the plates."

Bogar felt dumb. The waiter was right. He was rude. He grabbed the eggs with his hands in a big lump and dumped them on the plate. The waiter looked so stunned. Bogar thought he was dumb.

"Sir, use a spoon. For heavens sake, nobody can be this stupid."

"I can."

Bogar used a spoon and scooped up food. He put it on his plate and then dumped the eggs in his mouth with his hands.

"Sit down sir."

Bogar agreed. My there were so many rules. It confused him. He could feel his head hurt. Nevertheless he wanted to be nice. He sat on the floor and ate.

"Get out. That's it. I'll get you your check and you get out."

Bogar felt so happy inside. He was getting a check. This was so wonderful.

"Thanks for paying me!"

"What are you talking about?"

"You did give me a check!"

The waiter starred into his eyes.

"You're the third base coach for the Red Sox aren't you!"

"Yes, how did you know!"

The waiter smiled.

"Oh, just a wild guess. Now you run along to the ballpark. "

Bogar felt so happy. He got up and smiled and walked to the curb. He knew he had to get to the ballpark. He saw a cab and grabbed it.

"Sir, what are you doing?"

"I'm grabbing a cab!"

"Sir, get in the backseat. Wow, nobody can be that stupid."

Tim laughed. He could. He sat in the backseat and waited.

"Wow, its' already 1.20 pm. "

"No, that's the fare. "

"I don't want to go to the fair. I want to go to the ballpark."

He saw the cabdriver hit his head on the steering wheel. That must have really hurt he thought.

"Nobody can be this stupid."

They drove to the park. Tim liked the cab driver but worried. The time was not 6:00 pm when he arrived at the park.

"Six dollars sir."

"Wow, that's also the time. Here!"

He walked out and went to the park but felt the need for a hotdog. He walked to the stand.

"One hotdog."

The server handed him a hotdog. He looked at it.

"Wow, that doesn't even look like a hotdog yet it is a hotdog. I'm confused."

"3.00 sir."

"Does that look like a hotdog to you?"

"It's already 3:00 pm."

Tim saw the jaw drop on the waiter.

"Hey Tim."

He turned around. It was David Ortiz.

"Hey David Ortiz."

"That's Tito Francona sir. 3.00 sir."

"Wow, I'm confused."

"You're not the only one sir. 3.00 dollars sir. You got that?"

Tim felt better. He understood. After paying the money Tim walked on the field. He saw David Ortiz.

"Hey hit me some ground balls Tim."

"OK."

Tim took the bat and threw it at David Ortiz. It flattened him on the ground and knocked him unconscience.

"What are you doing!" shouted David Ortiz. It was Tim Wakefield but for some reason everyone on the team was David Ortiz to him.

"He said hit him."

"Ground balls. Hit some ground balls."

Tim now understood. He grabbed some balls and started wacking them with a bat. He hit them hard.

"Wow, "said Theo Epstein. "Tim thinks like me!"

Tim looked over at David Ortiz who was being treated by paramedics.

"Is that enough ground balls."

Tim saw a shocked look on everyone's faces but soon they all ignored him and went by their business.

"Stay away from ME!"

Tim couldn't figure out why David Ortiz was shouting at him and being carried away on a stretcher. It was Josh Beckett of course.

Tim smiled and said, "hello David Ortiz."

Josh, (David Ortiz) just walked away keeping his eyes on Tim at all times. He watched a reporter walk over.

"Hey Tim, hit some line drives for some photos. "

"NO!" shouted half the team but already Tim was throwing bats into the air and balls and helmets and everything else sending a shower of items that cracked skulls and broke bones. When he was done he wiped the sweat off his brow. Half the team was knocked out and on the ground.

"Was that OK?"

The reporter was on the ground unconscience. Tim didn't get an answer. He was confused. He then starred at Josh (David Ortiz) who was getting up from the ground.

"Hmm, I hate reporters. They ask you to do something and then they fall asleep."

Tim walked off the field. He wanted another hot dog and a nap. It had been a full day.