Sox say losing strategy is working

The Boston Red Sox officially annouced their "Win to lose" strategy in hopes of turning around the season. I had to read the statement a few times over a couple of beers and it still doesn't make much sense to me.

Hi, I'm Joe Derive.

The Red Sox, still under .500 are trying everything to turn this team around. The Win to lose strategy essentially puts the team in a position to require losing all the time instead of winning. This of course begs the question -- what is the new strategy?

"It will save me the trouble of getting injuries to stay out of the lineup, "said J.D.Drew who has done little in the lineup besides grounding out into double plays. "I like to fake real injuries so that I don't shame myself in front of the crowds. "

Others take a different view such as David Ortiz.

"I'm not buying this approach. I'm going to keep pulling the ball and hitting into one double play after another until I start hitting. I mean my LOB, whatever that means, keeps going up and that's a good thing. I may have a new World's record. That approach has really worked for me so far."

You know, you have to wonder what medication(s) Tito Francona is on to cope. Still others feel tremendous frustration such as pitching coach Dave Madden.

"We have been facing some really tough teams. When we face easier teams we...well actually we lose against them too. Never mind. "

Many state that the biggest obstacle is Dustin Pedroia and Kevin Youk, who understandably, are very frustrated with their performances. Both feel they have to play better as stated in their comments.

"We're very frustrated. We have to play better. "

Still, perhaps it is the lack of consistency, more than anything else, that defines the 2011 team. Despite all their talent they lose on a regular basis making it a modern art form. Adrian Gonsalez has been very vocal about the situation.

"This team sucks. I'm hitting like mad and they keep grounding out into double plays. Even when I hit two home runs they suck. I mean I left San Diego for this? What was I thinking...what? Oh ya, I forgot about the money. Like I said, this team is great."

Whatever the reasons the Sox are hoping this strategy will work. Right now everyone feels desperate to get wins going and it isn't easy. The good news is that everyone is starting to improve in small but important ways. Perhaps the biggest improvement is Dan Wheeler.

"I throw strikes and give up home runs, "said Dan Wheller. "That's what they pay me for. Everyone likes my approach and I don't understand why the Sox are happy to see me on the disabled list. I don't give up walks. Home runs are much better. I really shouldn't have gotten this labotomy should I have?"

Still there are some highlights like Tim Wakefield being the oldest and nicest player still playing in baseball history. He may not get his wins but he's too much of a class act to feel anything but great.

"Now how in @#@) hell is that something to @#@) celebrate when I won't $(@# get the career wins I wanted and when I do $#@$# play well this teams #$)# it up for #$# me. F-k you Derive."

When we all get old Tim. Still the Sox are on the road and hoping for a losing victory. All I can say is that I'm glad I have a subscription to a mail order beer company. I'm going to need it.

Joe Derive.