The dreams of Bobby Valentine

Bobby Valentine finally crashes in the bed.  The stresses of the job have gotten to him.  He begins to dream...

(THE DREAM)
As the game entered the 2nd inning, Dustin Pedroia was pulled from the game.  His so-called home-made brace failed to protect the muscle in his thumb.  The Sox were in a tie game.  Bobby, rubbing his chin and saw the light in his head.

(Announcer Don Orsello)
"And we have...Bobby Valentine heading out to replace Dustin Pedroia at second.  Donning his glove, Bobby bends down and holds his position.  An entire crowd of people stare blankly at the sight.

(Announcer Jerry Remy)
"This has got to be the craziest stunt I have ever heard of in my entire life. What is that man thinking?"

(Announer Don Orsello)
"Ground ball, hit sharply to second.  Bobby...dives, he's got it.  Turns and throws to first in a brilliant play.  I don't believe it."

(Announcer Jerry Remy)
"This type of play, is something even Dustin Pedroia couldn't do.  That man has a bullet for an arm and that ends the inning with Dustin Pedro...err...Bobby Valentine coming up.

[TOP OF THE THIRD]
(Announcer Don Orsello)
"Here's Bobby Valentine facing David Price.  Runners at the corners.  Big chance for the Red Sox to break out but tough...there goes a long drive, deep center field, over the American flag and out of here.  My goodness, he hit it out of the park."

(Announcer Jerry Remy)
"That ball was absolutely crushed.  That may be the longest home run EVER in Fenway park.  First he makes an absolutely brilliant play to save a run, then he hits a three run home-run and still manages the team.  That man is a legend in his own time.

{Bobby tosses and turns in bed as the dream continues}

[TOP OF THE NINETH]
(Announcer Don Orsello)
"Well, Sox ahead 15 to 5 thanks to Bobby Valentine who hit three grand slam home runs in addition to a three run homer.   Every time they think of walking him nobody takes him seriously and then he hits a major blast over the fence...and now Bobby is in the closer role of the game.  Bobby may be a great second baseman and a great hitter -- spectacular hitter but he is no pitcher"

(Announcer Jerry Remy)
No question Don, he is not a major league arm.  While he could already get in the hall of fame in this game, Bobby Valentine cannot pitch.

(Announcer Don Orsello)
"Here's the first pitch...wow...115 mph four seem fastball.  That is unbelievable.  "

(Announcer Jerry Remy)
"I can't believe it.  This man is a legend in his own time."

(Announcer Don Orsello)
"Curveball,  95 mph for strike two.  That pitch was unhittable.

(Announcer Don Orsello)
"Slider, 99 mph and he is out on three hard swings. Bobby graciously bows to the crowd as a standing ovation is beginning that is deafening."

(Announcer Jerry Remy)
"This is amazing.  The man is probably the greatest baseball talent of our time and he gets better when he's older.  Now I thought his arthritis was going to give him a problem especially with his aged heart but he shows no signs of slowing down.

(Announcer Don Orsello)
 "WOW...unbelievable...95 mph sinker and there he goes again, 97 mph cut fastball.  Now a knuckleball.  He threw a knuckleball.  Bobby Valentine knows all the pitches.  I don't believe it.

(Announcer Jerry Remy)
"Don, I tell you Bobby is going to get a highlight reel that will be the definition of talent. 

(Announcer Don Orsello)
Strike three.  Bobby Valentine struck out a .353 hitter with a...with a knuckeball and he makes it look easy.

(Announcer Jerry Remy)
One more out to go and a .353 hitter coming up.  This is it.  Bobby's finest hour...


Bobby tosses and turns before the alarm goes off.  He slams it shut.

'Dammit, ' he says.  'Just when I was about to win the game.