Red Sox Offer DL Fun Cruise

In an exciting move, the Red Sox offer a DL or Disabled List cruise including an ocean liner guaranteed to sink like the Red Sox in the loss column.  Special guests include:

Carl Crawford:
Carl is excited to be joining this cruise this year as he will demonstrate various injury techniques such as oblique tears, rotator cuff tears as well as various thumb and knee and shoulder injuries including his latest while changing his shirt.  Carl says fans need not worry about him financially as he makes more money than most people make in 140 lifetimes.

Andrew Bailey:
Andrew is very excited to be joining this cruise but admits that he's frustrated about his poor contract offering.  Still, he says he's learned a lot from Carl Crawford about how to collect a big fat paycheck and still get great free headphones.

John Lackey:
What John lacks in presentation, he more than makes up for in attitude.  John will hold some shock radio courses about how to swear, play badly and still make a heap of money. 

Jacobe Ellsbury:
New to the front, Jacobe is a bit nervous as Scott Boras told him that he needs to avoid the injuries until he gets his 10 year $560 million dollar contract from some sucker out there.  Jacobe says he plays hard and doesn't understand why you would purposely get injured but adds that J.D. Drew did make it an art.

Dice-K
Dice-K, who spent more time on the DL than off of it missing an entire two years and then some from his six year contract says he love America, the Red Sox and his big fat paycheck.  Only in America do you get paid to do nothing and not even get fired for it. 

J.D. Drew
J.D. spent the last year of his contract on the DL and most of it in between.  He loves the Red Sox and calls it the Prune Juice club of paychecks.  He wishes he had signed an even larger contract with the Sox.

So fans of baseball join us this year on this glorious ocean liner as it sinks into the ocean with the great Red Sox contracts of Theo Epstein.