A Message to Season Ticket Holders

Dear Season Ticket Holder:


As we cross the midpoint of our 2012 season, we thank you for your loyal support and beg you to stop demanding refunds.  My email box is now full every day and frankly I didn't appreciate the fan who was willing to trade his season tickets for a bag of dog food.  Now we met many of you at our new spring home, JetBlue Park at Fenway South, and renewed more acquaintances as we opened the 100th Anniversary season at Fenway Park and could see right away our relationship really wasn't working anymore.  I think the tomato throwing event gave us a big clue. Now we sensed that the nostalgia we planned didn't help matters and we hope to continue to avoid further celebrating this special anniversary throughout the year because because frankly distractions like this we don't need! Sadly we have events coming that are too late to cancel such as:

'Remember 2004 and 2007'


We know you're going to love that event but there is more:


'Just Try to Forget Completely'

All 100 years besides the following years of  2004 and 2007

 Now our play on the field has at times tested the mettle of the faithful. It could be maddening one day, and even more maddening the next day. However, along the way, we have seen our bullpen gel, young players emerge and then fail, and veterans who whine a lot but we'll ignore that statement for the moment . We have watched the team coalesce into a really whiny bitter group and honestly that wasn't quite the plan. No matter, for some personalities are enhancing the chemistry, such as the cheerful Cody Ross, the friendly Mike Aviles, and the inspiring story of Daniel Nava who can't hit his way out of a beanbag latelly. Jarrod Saltalamacchia has shown power in the clutch, worthy of a...ah...well, despite his unbelievable strikeout count and did I mention the passed balls -- no I did not so you don't have to remember that either. Hey we could have a 'forget Jarad Day'  And let's not forget the talented Will Middlebrooks who forced his way into the lineup as we bade farewell, with gratitude, to Kevin Youkilis, who helped us win two World Championships and is now hot again while Middlebrooks sits on the DL.  Boy that was a dumb move on my part.  .

Anyway, the one constant on the field has been our beloved Big Papi, David Ortiz who I wish would just shut up. How really big a headache I got when our really whiny leader reached the 400-home run plateau in a career only to whine about management.  Nevertheless we hope he will forever be with the Red Sox -- unless he wants more money of course.

The one constant off the field is that we have had a veritable All-Star Team on the disabled list. As we begin the second half, we look forward to the return of the “varsity,” including Jacoby 'Scott Boras' Ellsbury (who we're going to dump ASAP), Carl Crawford (who we can't dump ASAP), Andrew Bailey (who I wish we could dump ASAP), and the ever-dirty Dustin Pedroia (who I'm glad we're not dumping ASAP).

While this infusion of such talent in late July or August or maybe just next year which may make other General Managers grateful this sack of #$#$ is not on their team.  Now you can be sure that Ben Cherington and his Baseball Operations Staff (The Three Stooges) will approach the July 31 trading deadline hoping they won't make yet another blunder like Bailey for Reddick or Lowrie for Mendelson -- or however you spell it).  Now if someone can further help this club, and if the deal makes sense, you can be sure it won't cross our minds.  We seem to be really drawn like a magnet to players like John Lackey or Julio Lugo so I think a freeze on trades can only help us and therefore I ordered our baseball staff to just watch reruns of Andy Griffith and order take out.  That should keep them out of trouble.  I told Ben he reminds me a lot of Barney Fife.  That man has one great right cross let me tell you.  Now we want to play September Baseball this year  and checking our schedule that means we can all forget this team by October because really, at this point we just want to stay out of the cellar.

Keep the Faith, Larry Lucchino