Yankees Red Sox Press Conference

The Yankees trashed the Red Sox 10 - 3.  Hang out here for the after game Press Conference with Ben Cherington and Bobby Valentine and others.  I'm Joe Derive.

Oh wait, here comes Bobby Valentine with what looks like Jack Daniels in his hand.  Can't be...must be Iced Tea.

"Oh...okay...let's...do this."

OK, its Jack Daniels.  Ya, that's clear.

"First, I like this teamer.  They are going in the rightly directional way....ah...wow is it hot in here?"

Smashing honestly Bobby.

"OK...so we lost tonightly but we'll get em' tomorrow.  I love Jon Lester.  He's a great...great pitcher and facing C.C. will be greatly for...ah...it sure is hot in here isn't it.  Wow, I need...hey can I have a refill."

OK this is just sad.

"OK...Aviles...boy he's one dang greatly shortstop.  I mean...we could have had someone else but fart-face got ...oh should I have not said that...what I meant was...it was ha...oh crap who cares at this point.  This team couldn't beat the All Zombie pick up basketball team.  Oh man we're going national TV tomorrow.  I don't think I can handle this...hey Ben any 'genius' ideaslys..."

I never thought I'd see this happen.  Somebody broke Bobby Valentine.  I see some guards are carrying him off stage.  He's singing off key 'Sweet Carline' Man this team is really hurting today.  Oh here comes Ben Cherington.  Man does this guy ever smile?

"Good morning.  Bobby Valentine is simply going through a rough spot right now.  Management of course is behind him. "

Boy it took some effort for Ben to utter that last line.  I swear he looked like he was passing a kidney stone.

"Before we talk about the Sox, let me remind you also that Liverpool soccer is the place to be, the Patriots are in summer camp and the Celtics and Bruins will be here soon.  You know, with all that going on -- did I mention the Olympics and Batman Dark Knight Rises.  That's an amazing film.  I mean you have to see the ending and the Olympics only comes every 4 years and face it people -- when is the last time you saw Star Wars.  I mean who can resist R2-D2.  That always makes me laugh.  I can mimic the beep sounds now..."

Wow, how the mighty have fallen.  Next he'll be talking about Arnie's restaurant.

"Finally, I just want to mention Arnie's Restaurant in Colorado.  Head out and enjoy some great cooking.  I mean who wants baseball when you have that.  OK I'm done."

Well I see Ben sweat more from that conference than an hour of Richard Simmon's Sweating to the Oldies.

Oh here comes Dustin Pedroia.

"We just have to play better.  We have to get on a winning streak.  We have a great team.  We are going to play better.  Thank you."

I can't believe he used his IPhone to play that back to the audience. 

Oh here comes Jon Lester.  What's he doing here.

"I just want to talk about today's game.  I just need to execute my pitches better.  I feel great and my arm feels great.  I will let my team mates down and its hard to look at them, as usual, but CC will pitch a great game and the Sox offense will do great against him getting the requisite 3 runs. I just failed again and when I give up 25 runs or so, I'm never sure but that's a good figure to start with. Now I will be very sad but it was all the umpires fault. Thank you and I look forward to my next pitching assignment when I will again fail to execute my pitches with no fear of losing my position...here that Frankin Morales.  I just will do better when I talk to you before I don't do better.  "

If Jon Lester spent as much time in getting his pitching in order...oh here come the two pitching coaches.  As you know one was hired by Valentine -- our assistant coach and one was left over from the Tito error.  I'll just refer to them as TweetleDee and TweetleDum.

TweetleDee:
The problem with the pitching staff is the assistant pitching coach who is clueless and I tell my pitchers to ignore his advice. Thank you.

Tweetledum:
The problem with the pitching staff is the head pitching coach and I tell my pitchers to ignore his advice.  Thank you.

OK I think we have a clue what the problem is.  Now I'm Joe Derive.  Get me out of here.