Ryan Sweeney 2012 diary

March 12: 12:45 pm
Very hot day in Florida.  Fortunately there is a walk in freezer at the clubhouse.  I often lock myself in it to cool off rather than take a pointless shower.  Done it several times without a problem.

March12: 2:45 pm
Suffered severe frostbite and in Florida hospital.  Feeling much better after emergency treatment for third degree frostbite.  Doctors seem amazed that I'm alive. They advise I avoid using walk in freezer as a technology for cooling off the human body.  They suggest to use walk in freezer for storage of food instead.  I guess that makes sense. 

April 12
Began bashing into walls to practice catching hard fly balls.  Sometimes I go in head first to ensure I've practiced the entire routine.  Done it several times without a problem.

April 13
Recovering nicely from major concussion.  Doctors seem amazed that I'm alive.  Bad headache.  Ready to go.  Doctors asked a lot of questions.  I answered all of them like who is the President: Abraham Lincoln is our President.  Where am I: I'm in a hospital in Paris.  What year is it.  I said 1878.  Apparently doctors feel I need to be here a few more days.

June 12
Playing really well.  Often give strangers rides to the ballpark as a good will gesture.  Done it several times without a problem.

June 13
Police found my naked body on the roadside.  Doctors treated me with great kindness.  I told them I let a stranger into my car and drove him to the ballpark.  I had no idea he was going to rob me, my car and my clothes.  Doctors want too admit me for long-term electro shock treatment.  I refuse.

July 12
Begin self administered electro shock treatment using a car battery to ease doctor's heads about me doing stupid things.  I've done it several times before with no problem but I must admit I'm starting to smell like cooked port roast. May have to increase the number of car batteries to six.

July 15
Doctors refuse to let me go despite my full recovery from said self-administered electrocution -- as they call it.  Just because I have third degree burns and my heart stopped for 8 minutes is not a problem.   Doctors have advised me to discontinue self-administered electro-shock treatment just for the safety of whatever is left of my body.  .

July 30th
It's strange how doctors keep saying I'm a unique medical mystery.  Several doctors from around the world want to study me.  Very confusing.  Elections are coming up in November.  I have to remember to vote for Lincoln over Fredrick Douglas.  Still a frustrating day so I hit the door in frustration.  I have done it several times without incident. 

July 31th
Got on the disabled list for breaking my hand while hitting the door.  Dustin Pedroia just shook his head and advised I check myself into the nearest psychiatric ward ASAP.  I tell him I first have to vote for Abraham Lincoln in the upcoming election.

August 1st
Resting comfortably in the psychiatric ward after Dustin Pedroia drove me in in panic.  Never saw the man so panicked.  I suppose he to wanted to vote for Lincoln less Fredrick Douglas get into office.  Have to go now.