The Madness of Lowell

"HI, I'm Mike Lowell. Maybe you know me from the obvious pain I put up with every day to be in this game. Hip pain, thumb pain, I don't care. I can take body pain...but him...and you know who I mean right! I can't take it anymore but..."
Mike stops screaming.
"But I got a part-time job. Something to keep my mind off of things. I'm a Limo driver! You see the regular driver is tied up at the moment at my house...ha.ha.ha.ha.ha.ha!"
Mike settles down.
"But I'm not MAD"
Mike drives down the street.
"You know, what's important is to be cool about it you know. Just get your mind out of baseball...even though I almost got traded to the Ranger...AHHHH"
a pause.
"Anyway, I wonder who my first client is going to be. Surely I didn't arrange this."
Mike smiles at the window.
"Thank you driver...Fenway park."
"No problem...sir."
A pause.
"What happened to Wally?"
"Wha...ah...he threw up this morning so they ah...got me from central. Ya"
A pause.
"Oh, OK."
Mike grinds his teeth.
"OK, whew tough day."
"Really, must be that trading that total loser Mike Lowell has got to be killing you!"
A laugh.
"Ha, Mike's still with us. Even Texas turned him down."
Mike grinds a mad look on his face!
"Ya, the guy's washed up. What a pain in the butt hu!"
Mike grips the wheel harder.
"Ya, well, I suppose you could go there and all. He's not like J.D. Drew. That's a winner!"
Mike smashes his head against the steering wheel."
"Driver, you OK?"
"Oh...ya...ow...just need to tighten up the seat belt and all. Ya...Drew a winner. Ya."
Theo sat back.
"Ya, he's our rock. I love J.D. Lowell is so not Drew."
A loud scream came out the window from Mike Lowell. He huffed and puffed.
"Driver, are you OK?"
"Ya, "said Mike. "Just celebrating Drew. Ya, extended contract. Rock on DREW!"
A sigh.
"Ya, another one that was hard to let go was Julio Lugo. What a great player. I still miss him. So much better than Lowerll."
Mike slams the breaks and hits the stop sign.
"Excuse me sir. I need to step out for a second. Little....stomach flu. Go Lugo!"
"Oh sure."
Mike stepped out of the car hitting his head against the wall.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
He then calming went back in with a cracked skull, busted fingers including a thumb and a mad look on his face.
"Jesus driver, you don't look so good!"
"Ya, like that loser Mike Lowell hu. The guy who turned down a higher salary for loyalty."
A pause.
Theo signed and said, "well, we'll dump him soon enough. Hey, it's kind of fun making fun of Mike Lowell hu!"
Mike smiles like a madman.
"Let's take a trip...to the country!"
Mike grinds the transmission and bullets into the country.
"Wow this car has speed all right. Ya, like Lugnuts Lugo!"
"Lugnuts Lugo...oh shit you're Mike Lowell!"
"Ha, how long it take you to figure that out Elmer FUDD! I'm going to kill you. You're dead Theo...DEAD."
A pause.
"OK Mike, how about I buy you a burger. You like burgers."
"Oh ya, that's not going to work this time Theo!"
"OK Avatar...front row seats!"
The car stops.
"Really?"
"Of course. Let me make a ....'call' and get tickets.
Mike sat back and smiled and then stepped out of the car.
"Mike where are you going?"
The car blows up.
"Now Avatar will be a sweet deal!"