Superman's Insurance Company

(For Marcus)

A man storms into the building in long underwear and a cape that's still on fire. He sprinkles ashes on the floor before putting out the flame. He storms up to the insurance agent and slams a piece of paper in front of her.
"Ah...can I help you?"
The man burns with anger.
"I am having a real problem here!"
"Yes I can see that, "said the sarcastic insurance agent. She was dressed in a red tone that likened itself to fire and brimstone.
"I'm Superman."
She chuckles and says, "no you're not!"
The man says, "I am."
She leans back and says, "so where is your suit!"
The man grits his teeth and says, "that's what I'd like to know. Do you know how ridiculous I look saving people from a fire...in...Sears UNDERWEAR!"
The woman chuckles and says, "well I hope you got in on sale...oh you're not kidding are you?"
"No...I'm NOT"
The woman sighs and says, "oh I remember. That's the house on 4th street. We just canceled their insurance policy just after the first started. What a terrible coincidence isn't it."
The man leans down and says, "and I thought Lex Luthor was evil!"
The woman scoffs and says, "so you want your suit right?"
"And a reduction in rates. It seems to me that considering I do this for my love of people that I shouldn't have to pay $25,000 a year on a policy that was $1000 a YEAR AGO!"
The woman types on the computer.
"Well Superman, you have to understand that the suit we designed for you was not covered for things like large fires, code # 21232 and gun fights, code number #21233. We only covered it for small fires. code # 21231 and 22 caliber guns, code 22121. You can clearly see the information on page 2,125, paragraph 4. The one in fine print. "
Superman sits down and cracks the glass on the desk.
"Even my super vision can't read print the size of an atom!"
"Oh Superman, we really didn't mean to make the print that small! That was just a mistake"
"Don't insult me anymore than I already feel wearing long underwear on Sear's discount rack"
"Listen Superman, your suit will be ready soon along with the new stipulations as well. Don't worry, you're covered."
"What...NEW stipulations?????"
The woman paused and said, "fires in large buildings are only covered if limited to one floor."
"THAT's INSANE. "
"No, its insurance."
"What's the DIFFERENCE!"
A pause.
"Listen why don't we talk about this when you're calm. In the mean time you can enjoy our waiting area and have donuts and ...."
"I'd tell you to go to hell, but I can see you already live here!"
"Suit yourself...oh that was a funny pun wasn't it."
Superman smashed the desk and flies off.
{TWO DAYS LATER}
A call comes in on Superman's hot line.
"Superman...the building's on fire. HELP"
Superman paused with a smirk on his face.
"Don't I know you?"
"It's your insurance company...HELP will you!"
Superman leaned back in his chair.
"Ah, so you're saying you need me to put out the fire?"
"Yes..."
"Is it more than one floor because I can't cover you if its more than one floor. You know the contract and all. It's very technical but you can read about it...well at least until it burns up in the fire."
A pause.
"Listen, this is no time for this. We're all going to die here!"
"You know what's wrong with a bus load of insurance agents going off a cliff?"
A pause.
"Yes, it's bad of course but that's why we have Superman!"
Superman yawns.
"Ya...well I think you really need to talk to me when you calm down. Why don't you call me back later."
"We'll be dead later. HELP!"
"You know when I signed on to being Superman, I didn't expect to do things like fires. I mean small fires are OK but big ones are just not covered..."
"OK, OK I got the point. We'll talk about this but SAVE US!"
Superman hung up the phone and stretched his legs
"Today, I just made the world a better place."