stupid questions

Hi, I'm Joe Derive and this is sports!

Now last article, which I hope you all read, was about my memories of baseball. I was feeling old and worn out and its easy to do here when you're dealing with the show called baseball news.
Did you ever hear or read us asking questions to players. Of course you have. Most of the time they'll give the party line and frankly, the worst feeling in the world is heading into a locker room to ask players why they messed up. So how do we do it? Simple, we ask the dumbest questions known to mankind because we can't think of anything else to say and the players answer the dumbest questions with the dumbest answers. It's all in the game.

"Can you tell us what was happening on the mound tonight"
(translation...here's your chance now to answer this stupid question! Ya...not)

"How did it feel after so many successful wins to struggle out there like that"
(translation...apparently in sports we get confused when people are human so help us out!)

"What do you think you can do to solve this dilemma."
("translation...here's your chance to explain the unexplainable...again!)

Yes, after a while these questions get tiring but don't worry. The players themselves have it all figured out for us. Let's run these questions again but this time with the answers provided. If you're wondering why no names are attached, that's because they're all the same!

"Can you tell us what was happening on the mount tonight"
"I had my fastball but my breaking ball was off. The hitters were seeing it."

OR

"My shoulder was hurt. I've been pitching a lot lately but I'm for the team first."

OR

"I don't know. I had good stuff but they just kept hitting it..."

OR

"My fastball was off but I had a good breaking ball. The hitters were seeing it."

Ya, you got it. It all sounds like every single pitcher we've ever interviewed and that's because it is. There is no difference. Now its their turn!

"How did it feel after so many successful wins to struggle out there like that"
"You know my fastball was good but I had problems with my breaking ball. The hitters were just seeing it.

OR

"I don't know. I had good stuff but they kept hitting it..."

OR

"My fastball was off but I had a good breaking ball. The hitters were seeing it.

Are we seeing a pattern here???

"What do you think you can do to solve this dilemma."
"I'm working with (fill in the blank and vary the name) on some stuff"
OR

"My mechanics were off. I'm working with (fill in the blank and vary the name) on some stuff"
OR

"I feel good. I felt good out there...they just got hits but I'm working with (fill in the blank) on some stuff"

Ya, sounds familiar doesn't it. That's because its all a show. That's the inside secret. Now I'll admit once in a while you get the odd ones. Dice-K for one hasn't yet learned at all how to play the media game...and it shows...but in general that's how it works.
So I hoped you had a laugh. I know I did because after 162 games those questions could be stuck in a tape recorder and run back at full speed.

Next time we'll look at hitters.