Here's Johnny

"Hello, my name is Johnny Damon. I'm so happy to be getting so many offers to make a team better. My wife and I...we're by the phone listening to lots of offers. Why you can check my phone records."
"Johnny, McDonalds called and said that they can't pay you $14 million for flipping burgers! Did you really ask for that much?"
"Hey, I'm on the #$#$ TV so shut up!"
(Johnny turns towards the camera)
"Sorry about that. Anyway, I'm also working with the New York Yankees as well."
"Johnny, remember the Yankees put a restraining order on you for phone harassment."
"Hey, didn't ya here what I said. Shut up!"
(Johnny turning towards camera)
"Of course the Yankees gave me lots of offers...ya."
A long pause.
"OK, now I'm being realistic here. I really am. There is a slight possibility that Johnny Damon may have priced himself out of the market. "
"Slight! Johnny the German league said they wouldn't even take you as water boy. What should I tell them?"
A short pause.
"Hey, will you please stop interrupting. People might think of me as a complete idiot!"
"Ya, can't imagine why!"
(Johnny turns towards the camera)
"Now, I could blame myself but I want you to know, I have an alternative deal already set up and here is the pilot."

"Introducing the Johnny Damon Power Hour, with your host Johnny Damon."
(audience clapping hard)
"Hey everyone. Welcome to the Johnny Damon Power Hour!"
(audience cheers)
"What...I'm fired!"

"OK, so I overpriced myself...so can anyone please give me a job!"