Johnny Damon on the LUGO show!

"Lugo is a loser, Lugo is a loser, Lugo is a loser and now he has his own show!"

"Evening everyone. Fortunately, I'm not upset by these stupid theme songs. Anyway, Johnny Damon is here with us in the studio. Hey Johnny."

"Glad to be here Julio. I know you're probably in awe of me and all, most people are but I'm just a regular guy."

"Ya well...anyway, are you going back to the Red Sox for six weeks."

"Well I don't know. I keep thinking that the Sox giving away a top prospect will help out the Tigers and then I look at the Red Sox. If the Sox want to win the World Series this year, they will need me aboard. I'm the only reason why any team will get to the playoffs but that's just my opinion based on the obvious facts."

"So ya well, you really have a lot of confidence in yourself."

"Hey, when the Yankees decided that they didn't want to win a World Series in 2010, there were so many other teams that wanted me to get that goal. "

"Ah the Tigers aren't even playing at 500. Does that tell you something?"

"Hey, they would have won one game and lost 161 games this year if they didn't have me on their team. Don't you understand...and its not like Julio "loser" Lugo does anything but collect paychecks and ask stupid QUESTIONS!"

"I'm just asking a question...MORON. I can see why you wouldn't play in Boston. The plane wouldn't be BIG enough to hold that swelled head of yours to land at Logan Airport!"

"Last time I checked, who is playing for the WORST team in baseball...STUPID LOSER"

"You know Johnny, I have a .306 OBP"

"Oh wow! J.D. Dumbbell Drew gets an OBP of .357 and he's had 376 at bats. You have 214 at bats and everyone knows DREW SUCKS!"

A pause.

"Aw...did I hurt little Lugo's feelings. Do you need your MOMMY now!"

"I'm going to bash your head in Damon. You're dead meat and when I get through with you I'll D.L. the rest of the season and collect my pay...#$#$"

"Oh wow, do I detect that Julio Lugo is being a dunce!"

(fight ensues)

"Lugo is going, Lugo is going, Lugo is going and the hospital welcomes him."

Portions of the Lugo show were brought to you by Johnny Damon's ego. An ego to cover the world and save humanity."