The Lugo show

"Here comes Lugo...Lugo...Lugo and he's out of money at the end of this year!!!!"

"OK Everyone. Welcome to the Julio Lugo show! Having a great year with the Orioles. The manager said nobody washes underwear like I do. Anyway, we have our guest Theo Epstein! Hey Theo!"

"I'm writing!"

"OK I see you're on your medication again. So how do you feel this year has been for the Red Sox."

"It's been a goo...goo...good year!"

"Wow, I can see now why you hired me. So tell me any plans for next year?"

"I'm really planning hard. Do you like my Wookie?"

"I don't have to answer that do I?"

"My pants are wet!"

"Ah, there not actually paying you are they?"

"I'm going to the bathroom on your microphone! It's so shiny"

"You are just twisted Theo. That's a new microphone!"

(pause)

"OK let's take some calls?"

"Oh hey Lugo, my question is for you? Do you think with all that's going on...I mean like when I get up in the morning and examine my prostate do you think that this is...what I mean is that at work with my coworkers, we're all talking about layoffs and all but this year with the Red Sox in third place..."

"Sir, can you ask the question after you're done with your electro-shock treatments?"

"OK, we'll take another question!"

"Hi Lugo...I think big government is the big problem. If we had small government than we'd be better and therefore I propose tearing down the government buildings and rebuilding it so they're smaller."

"What has this to do with baseball! Man these 3:00 am shows are a bad idea! Listen, until next time...I'm Julio Lugo!"