The Lugo Show

"Here comes Lugo now, Here comes Lugo now, Here comes Lugo now and its 3:00 am in the morning and he's out of money!"

"All right everyone. Welcome to the Lugo Show and I have no guest tonight so...like (yawn) we're going to go straight to the phones. Here's Joe. Hey Joe"

"It all makes sense now. I see it clearly. Don't you see it? The new Freedom Tower in New York City is going to hold the spirits of Elvis Presley and Michael Jackson. Don't you see it but I'll stop them...I'll stop them."

"Sir, because I'm considered sane, it really makes it hard for me to understand this conversation but have a nice night. Hello you're on the air."

"Hello...are...you...suffering...from...erectile...dysfunction...then...call...1 800...555.2312...and...we'll."

"OK ...ah...ya well...please screen those #$#$ calls better. Ah...did you guys write down that phone number? Ah...never mind. Anyway...hello."

"My toe...my stupid toe hurts. Please make the pain go away. WAAAA!"

"Drew, this is the Lugo show. Can't we talk about this another time! Hello, you're on the air."

"My son is not gay anymore. I can't take it. Ever since he broke up with his girlfriend he isn't gay anymore and I find that very queer. Do you have any advice?"

"Ah...do you know...what the word gay...means?"

"Yes of course I do. It means you're not happy! Anybody knows that one"

"OK so I see you're not 'gay' about this situation with your son right?"

"Heaven forbid. I've been married for ten years. I am not a homosexual."

"You know this is the type of crap you get when you get a 3:00 am radio show. Me the star of the Baltimore Orioles. Anyway, hello you're on the air."

"Lugo...how in #$#$ hell can you have this stupid show on the radio and still play baseball for the Orioles. No wonder you stink! You're not getting enough sleep! You might actually be a quality player if you bothered to get rest!"

"Boss...ah...do you honestly think that more sleep will make me a better player."

(pause)
"Good point. See you in the morning."

"OK, now how's everyone (yawn) doing. OK, next call."

(heavy breathing)
"I want you...I want you so...OW...my hangnail. I can't take it. It hurts so much!"

"Drew get off the phone and that was not funny! Let's take another call...perhaps a sane one this time. Hello."

"Hello...............did.................................you.................know............................................."

"Get to the point!"

"you're............................right.........................to.................................................................."

"What?"

"Oh ya, it's a telemarketererer. OK well I knew that. Hangup. Anyway next caller."

"own...,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,a.......................gun..........................................is.........."

"Hang the #$#$ phone up...someone. Are you sure? OK...next caller."

"but.....................................you.......................................................can......................"

"Oh for @#$#$ sake. HANG UP!"

"Mommy! I want my mommy! My underwear is itchy."

"Ok now you're getting gross Drew. I mean it. Hang up."

"OK that's it for the Lugo Show. See you next time.

"Lugo is gone...gone...Lugo is gone, gone...Lugo is gone, gone and he's gone back to bed."

"Portions of the Lugo show are paid by the Zazu fund. The Zazu fund, funding the arts and getting sweet tax writeoffs."