Lugo and Damon part II

"Lugo has a bruised rib, Lugo has a sore jaw, Lugo is injured but don't worry folks he still can't play any better....and now he has his show."

"Who writes these jingles? I mean if you never hear this show and hear this jingle, I sound like an idiot. I'm not an idioter."

"Anyway, we have Johnny Damon back again on the Lugo show talking about why he decided to stay with the Tigers. In case you hadn't heard, Damon was offered a place on the Red Sox but turned it down."

"Ya hey Lugo. Sorry about beating you up but someone I want you to know that ants can be challenging sometimes...just not with Johnny Damon."

"Just answer the question."

"OK well, I went to everyone in the clubhouse and they all begged me to stay on their hands and knees. I got lots of "please don't kill me and my family" so I decided that it was best that I stay with the team since I was their most popular player. Besides when I'm on the team I can bring them to a world series easily and besides, I hate to have the rocker launcher get overheated. "

"Ah...did you threaten them?"

"No what gave you that idea...LUGNUTS! Ha, Johnny Damon makes jokes. Ha, I'm sending this show into the sky with high ratings."

"Ya, you're high all right. OK well you still feel angry at the Red Sox."

"No I'm over that. Just because they didn't want me back offering me a $40 million dollar contract...I mean the average loser American makes about $25 million a year so why should Johnny want more than that?"

"Ah...the average American makes about $50,000 a year...if they're lucky."

"Holy #$#$. Are you serious? Man how can you live on $50,000 a year? Do they live in caves? Wow, that's so sad. I had no idea most Americans live in poverty."

"That's average."

"Ah...ya...Lugnuts...so tell me, how can you live on $50,000 a year?"

"Do you even know what average means and stop calling me LUGNUTS!"

"If the name fits?"

"ANSWER the question!!!!"

"I make tons of money every year. I can hire people to figure that out. "

"So you don't know what average means in math!"

"Of course I do Lugo. Average means the average...guy. It means that...you know what everyone makes that isn't Johnny Damon...like...is that it?"

"I can't believe I'm smarter than you."

"Ya, neither can I Lugee."

"OK...let's take some calls for Johnny Damon since I've had it with this moron."

"Ya, Johnny. I think you're a #$#$#$ and a #$#$#4 and a #$#$#. BYE!"

"Well he makes $50,000 a year and I make millions. Bored!"

"That's it Damon. They're still people who work their asses off. I'm breaking your head open with this pencil!"

"Oh...the ant fights again...BORING"

"Lugo is going, Lugo is going, Lugo is going to the hospital now."

"Portions of this program are brought to you by the Damon fund. His funding is not average, it's ABOVE average like his Grand Canyon ego."