Joe Derive and Clay

"Hi, I'm Joe Derive and I'm here with Clay Buckhotlz or however you say it at Arnie's restaurant."

Arnie is seen in the background, a plate of dishes crashes on the ground wincing his eyes.

"Joe, for goodness sake, this is a small restaurant. Please stop using so many spotlights. I almost burned my eyes out, "shouted Arnie the owner.

"Ah, sorry Arnie. Anyway we're here with Clay as his current back injury. How ya doing Clay.

"Ya, its queer Joe. I mean I'm erect and I feel fine but when I bend over I get this stabbing pain. It prevents me from handling the ball properly. "

Joe drops his plate

"Ah, Clay, ah, say what?"

"Its no big deal 'says Clay. "The thrusting action really sets off some pain. If I just get hard on the ground I'm fine. "

Arnie walks over to Clay

"Clay, this is a family restaurant, "said Arnie

"Ya Clay. I mean this is the Joe Derive show...right so talk differently. Anyway, is it worse in rain?"

"Well, when I'm moist or wet I really don't feel any more pain. I tend to stroke myself dry anyway. The friction helps."

Joe drops his glass on the floor.

"With a towel. You dry yourself with a towel, "said Joe.

"Oh ya, I do use a towel to rub and stroke until I dry off. I mean we all do that when we're hot and wet. "

Arnie almost starts to laugh but holds it in.

"You must have some luck with the girlfriends Clay, "said Joe.

"Of course, I mean what are you guys talking about? I mean I'm just desperate to get it on."

Joe stars to hit his head on the counter until he felt a stabbing headache.

"I'm told that bending injuries like that can be a problem. Its not like I can change positions because that takes away my thrust. Any ballplayer will tell you that. You don't make adjustments like that. "

Clay pauses.Joe felt he was going to die a slow death soon.

"Mr...Clay, ah, when do you think you might return?"

"Well, "said Clay. "I don't know. I want to perform again soon. I feel I perform well and am fully into it. I did get a shot. They stuck it in there and squirted the stuff so I think I'm feeling so much better after that. "

Arnie walks over to Joe.

"Shut this guy up Joe."

"Anyway, the most important thing is to return quickly and keep this team going. I plan to thrust forward and harden this team. Tito said to take my time and be slow about it. Sometimes when you thrust too fast into the situation you get a premature outcome. "

The entire restaurant is now starring at Clay. Silence is in the entire place.

"OK, that's enough questions Clay, end this show Joe."

"Get me back. That's a great pun. Get it back and back, "said Clay with an innocent smile.

"Don't say anymore Clay. Please..."

"OK, "said Clay. "I'm not really good at this press conference thing. When they try to shove that hard mike in my face and wiggle it around it really makes me get all hot and sweaty."

"OK, "shouted Arnie. "Clay, stop talking. Joe, I changed my mind. I want Julio Lugo as a regular guest on this show. "

"You called me Arnie?"

Arnie turns around.

"Get back in the freezer and stay there until you've counted all chocolate chips you spilled all over the floor. "

Lugo returns, his entire body shivering.

"Can I go now. I have to eat and nothing excites me more than..." said Clay.

"Clay, they're playing all six Star Wars films at the multiplex and you get a free plastic light saber to go with it."

"I am so there!"

Clay bursts out of the room. Conversation returns to normal. Arnie sits down and rests.

"You know Joe, I do not want your job."

Joe leans back.

"I can't imagine what Clay will say when he gets his free light saber."

Arnie and Joe both give out a big laugh and sip tea together.