Robert Bumm

Hi, I'm Robert Bumm. Joe Derive will be taking a small extended vacation after crashing his car into his bosses home, which didn't go over well with the boss for some reason. I probably shouldn't have suggested that to Joe but I wanted his job so that was OK.

Anyway, that gives me a chance to take over his column. I know you've never heard of me and please don't call me Bob Bum. I know I have the unfortunate reality of having just about the worst surname in human history (OK I could have had Weiner) so lets save time and not do a joke I've heard a billion times over.

Now on to the Red Sox.

The Red Sox are in first place having swept the Seattle Mariners They did it without J.D. Drew striking out fifteen hundred times or grounding into a thousand double plays. I am convinced J.D. thinks he can wear out the opposing team by sending every ball hit to the shortstop or second baseman tiring them out to exhaustion. Certainly it doesn't help he has a boat anchor for a bat. That thing alone would probably break his foot if he ever dropped it on it. J.D. probably needs to be told that strategy hasn't worked. Trust me, Julio Lugo tried it and for the entire length of his contract in Boston.

Then we have Clay Buckholtz who seems to forget he's in the major leagues and not playing pick up basketball with the over 50 crowd at the YMCA. Ya Clay, you have to play through pain and while lower back pain is a problem, look over at Kevin Youkilis and his sprained hand and banged up body and ask yourself "am I a total idiot." The answer is yes in case you didn't know so get back into game.

Then we have Dice-K. He's working out in Florida, his new workout facility for the past three years. Ya he took a bit of a break last year but he's back at it. I have to wonder why the Sox are paying him to do...what exactly? I mean is he contributing? So you're paying a guy over 55 million dollars to exercise. Oh, that's not good. Maybe he could sell Dice-K t-shirts or Dice-K toys at McDonalds or something. Or maybe he could sell popcorn during home team baseball games or help with that tarp during games or do some painting or something. Just a thought.

Then we have Daniel Bard, the most underrated player on the team. He's never allowing a run while Jonathan Papelbon seems to make blowing games an art form. Course now he doesn't blow the game, mostly. He just gives up a run or two to give the opposing team something to do instead of getting outs. Course next year he'll probably be wearing pinstripes with the Yankees. I hate Papelbon.

Overall, despite my complaining, I find the Red Sox an amazing team -- I do. I mean for all their setbacks they keep winning games. Course they win against Baltimore and Seattle and other teams but the real test is August when they face the toughest teams in the league with New York and the Rays and so forth. I just hope Clay is back and stops whining and Jon Lester is back and Tim Wakefield doesn't think wins with grand slams count. We'll see.

I'm Bob Bumm...oh now I'm doing it. See ya next time.