Tito's Day Off

8:30 AM
It had been a rather long time since Tito could just lie in bed while his wife got up and roamed the household. Tito stretched out his body and admired the sheets and the pillows and most of all the quiet. He could only hear birds and an occasional lawnmower in the background. Rest, that was his diet for today.

"OK, I'm going, leave the phone on in case I need anything but your job today dear is to get rest. I'll see you at 12:30."

Tito smiled and said nothing. Instead he rolled his head on the pillow and thought of nobody bothering him. Not 'Boy Genius' Theo Epstein, not David Ortiz or Drew or anyone else. No whining, no complaining, no injury reports or anything else. He rolled on the pillow waving his wife goodbye and fell asleep.

9:00 am
The knock woke up Tito. It was incessant and then the doorbell rang. Tito sprang from his bed unable to figure out where the door was until he faced it and opened it.
He saw a young girl, or young to him, looking about twenty seven with a bursting perkiness that made Tito wince.

"Hello Sir. I understand you are a Comcast subscriber and AT&T is here to..."

She just went on and on and Tito could only focus on the heat that was pouring into his air conditioned home.

"Ah miss, no thank you."

She paused and looked at him with that perky personality.

"Wait a minute, I know you..."

Her eyes were lighting up. Oh no, thought Tito. A star struck idiot.

"You're Joe Girardi. Oh man I am such a Yankee fan. I want you to know that I think Terry Francona and the Red Sox are a bunch of big shots and idiots. I will never be a Red Sox fan. "

Tito fell between laughter and temper.

"OK well..."

"Could I get your autograph."

It was then that Tito slammed the door and ran back to bed. If anything there was one less Yankee fan in the world. He crashed in bed and fell asleep.

9:15 am.
The doorbell banged on his head as Tito once again was forced to get up and walk to the door. A nice man with a tie and shirt, dripping with sweat was standing there as if he was about to die a slow and long death but was willing to give last rights to Tito.

"Hello Sir, are you having problems with your Comcast Service? I'm from AT&T and I'm here to..."

He went on and on and Tito felt nausea from the heat.

"Wait a minute, oh God, you're Patrick Stewart of Star Trek. Oh man I am...oh I hope I'm not bothering you and all. Make it so right?"

Tito nodded and smiled. He knew the 'Make it so' line from Star Trek.

"So what are you doing now? I take it you're too old for parts but there must be something out there. "

"Porn, I do porn."

Tito then slammed the door cursing the world and running back to bed. No more disturbances.

9:30 am
The doorbell rang and then Tito realized the sound was wrong. he ran back to the phone and picked it up.

"Hello?"

"Hello sir. I'm calling for the American Society to benefit Tie Wearers. We're a non profit organization designed to provide ties and bowties to the underprivileged. We're asking..."

Tito slammed the phone down and cursed the phone but then calmed down and put himself at bed.

9:45 am
Tito once again headed towards the door with a sledge hammer of a temper as he ripped the door open.

"What?"

He saw two people with white shirts and black ties. They were carrying black books on the side of the body. Tito knew exactly who they were.

"Hello sir. Can we talk to you a bit about..."

Tito slammed the door. He wanted sleep. He was desperate for sleep but as he approached the bed he heard himself curse. He laughed despite himself and fell back into bed.

10:01 am and 10 seconds.
That's 10 seconds that it took for a tired, worn out Tito Francona to run to the door.

"Hello Sir. I'm from AT&T and we're..."

"You are the third person today to disturb my sleep. Do you have any idea what its like to have phone calls and constant door opening..."

Tears dripped from her face. Tito felt terrible inside.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean..."

"It's OK, "she said. "I just thought that someone as famous as Gene Hackman would show a bit more compassion but I guess those roles you play in films are more than accurate.."

"Look, I'm sorry really."

Her smile returned. She perked right up.

"Good then you'll obviously want to drop Comcast and turn yourself over to AT&T and find.."

Tito wasn't sure how hard he slammed the door but it was enough to feel wind blow in his face.

10:15 am.
Tito picked up the phone.,

"Hello, I'm calling today for Representative..."

Tito hung up the phone.

10:16 am.
Tito picked up the phone.

"Hello, we seen to have been disconnected. I'm calling for representative..."

Tito smashed the phone with his hand. It would no longer haunt his very soul.

10:30 am.
Tito grabbed a sheet of paper and wrote the words "Do Not Disturb." Tito grabbed it and opened the door.

"Hello Sir. I'm with Rotten Roach and we're here to deal with your pest problems..."

Tito placed the sign on the door and taped it on.

"Don't worry, when it comes to best this Do-Not-Disturb sign will take care of everything."

Tito then grabbed the door and slammed it shut.

10:35 am.
Tito carried a large frying pan in his hand as he approached the door and waved it over his head.

"What?"

"Oh my god. Harry Morgan from MASH. Oh this is so cool."

"What...do...you...want?"

"I want to talk to you about your lawn. It really is in a state of agony crying out for attention don't you think?"

"I...want...to...kill..."

"Don't kill the lawn Mr. Morgan..."

Tito threw the frying pan past the man who ducked.

"That's it. Get out."

Tito slammed the door.

11:30 am
Tito was now on the verge of insanity. He grabbed a chainsaw and revved it as he approached the door. He opened it up. A young girl ran screaming from the door. Tito felt satisfied.

11:45 am.
Tito cursed again and ran to the door. Blasted doorbell he cursed.

"I want to talk to you about my daughter. You are a monster and I was such a fan of yours on Gilligan's Island. How can you call yourself the Professor and scare my little girl..."

"I am not the Russell Johnson or Gene Hackman or Joe Girardi or Patrick Stewart or anybody else. I am a man wanting a day off from being bugged."

Tito grabbed the chainsaw and cut apart the doorbell watching sparks fly into the air. He laughed as she ran down the street. He then cursed the place and ran back to bed.

12:30 pm
Tito felt the stroking of his wife. It didn't matter anymore. He could not go back to sleep.

"Honey are you OK?"

"What is it?"

"Well a frying pan in the yard for one thing, a torn up door from a chainsaw and you look exhausted. Tito, you did sleep didn't you."

Tito looked up.

"Honey, I can't wait to get back to the Red Sox. Trying to sleep is too exhausting. "