Get SMART...NOT

John Henry sat down against his plush chair and leaned back.  Starring at him were Larry Luchhiano and Ben Cherington.

John:
WHERE is Bobby Valentine?  It's been an hour and the Liverpool game is on?

Ben:
Don't know.  It was only a twenty minute drive to the park.  Don't get it.

Larry:
Hey I was thinking pizza and beer.

John:
Larry, what has pizza and beer got to do with anything?

Larry:
My brain gets hungry on an empty stomach.

(MEANWHILE -- Bobby Valentine in his car)

GPS:
Rerouting.  Take exit 12...

Bobby V:
Dammit, I'm in New Hampshire.  Stupid GSP...or GPOS...GRRRR

GPS:
Take exit 12...NOT exit 14...what are you Bobby Valentine?

Bobby V:
Crap...I did it again!  I can't believe it.  Now it's exit 14 and I was supposed to take Exit 12.

GPS:
Take exit 14...oh I give up...

Bobby V:
What exit?  I don't see an exit sign...oh that one!

(MEANWHILE -- back in John Henry's office.)

John:
We'll he's fired anyway.  Ben...are we still salivating over John Farrell...the man who took the Blue Jays and barely made them better than us?

Ben:
Yes, yes we are chief because...

John:
Stop calling me CHIEF!

Ben:
I didn't finish.  I meant to say that John Farrell is as sure a bet, as SURE a bet as Eric Gagne.  I promise you!

John:
I'm SURE HE IS.  Larry!

Larry:
I told you Bobby Valentine would be great.  After all Ben's first choice is leading the Chicago Cubs into the cellar.  Can you imagine 90 LOSSES?  That's pathetic.

John (leaning forward)
I don't have to!  The Sox HAVE 90 losses.

Ben:
Don't take it hard Larry.  Just remember that when it comes to winning, I'm the man.

John (reaching for medicine)
OK who do we have that can cut it?

Ben:
Gee Chief, you sure do get a lot of headaches lately!

John:
I WONDER WHY!

Ben:
That's not very nice. Would you believe that the Sox, under MY leadership will win 100 games, would you believe that -- 100 games.

John:
I find that hard to believe!

Ben:
Would...you believe 80 games?

John:
Not really!

Ben:
How about 15 wins out of mercy!

John (getting up)
Oh why do I have such idiots running the show.  We were lucky that the Dodgers got suckered into our quartet of fools.  To think we found someone more STUPID than you two!

Ben:
Calm down chief.

John:
STOP CALLING ME CHIEF!  This is NOT control headquarters and we are not fighting KAOS!!!!

Ben:
OK, here is my plan!  JULIO LUGO!

John and Larry:
ARE YOU INSANE?

Ben:
OK...how about Tony Stark?  He's analytical, smart...

John:
Hold on...it's Bobby Valentine. 

John:
MAINE!  How in heck did you wind up in...never mind.

John:
You need a passport?  Bobby that's CANADA! 

John:
Ya now it makes sense doesn't it.  Man Bobby you missed our meeting...oh well we fired you anyway. 

John:
No that's the Atlantic ocean.  Don't Bobby...no wait...drive into it.  IGNORE the GPS. 

John:
Ya that's right.  Flooding will happen when you drive into the ocean.  Have fun!

John (hanging up phone)
You two sort it out.  I need some intelligent people to talk to!

Ben:
But we're here.

John (leaving room)

Larry:
Boy John looks worn out.  He used to have totally black hair.

Ben:
Hu?  I remember him with a full set of white hairs.

Larry:
Oh ya, you joined two weeks later.

THE END