Fat Albert

(sung to the Fat Albert theme song)

Hey hey hey, it's FAT ALBERT...
And I'm gonna sing a song or two...
And Tito's gonna teach ya a thing or two.

"Hey that's not funny guys...I am NOT FAT"

We'll have some good times will Tito and all the gang,
learning from each other,
while we do our thing.

"Hey, this isn't funny guys...I am Albers...NOT ALBERT"

Na, na, na, gonna have a good time...HEY HEY HEY'

"Hey, not funny. I am not fat...ah, can someone pass me the double order of fries."

Na, na, na, gonna have a good time!

(Setting...a junkyard)

Hey everyone, Tito Francona here. "Fat Albert and the gang's gonna play a baseball game today but the gang's gonna soon learn that just because you love the game, don't mean you have a clue how to play it."

(Setting...the Fat Albert gang walking to the ball field.)

"Hey, I am not Fat guys...that's so not fair." shouted Fat Albert

"Albert, you're like a broken record!" snorted Fat Papi

"What's a record?"

"Can't even do a Fat Albert joke if ya don't know what a record is because when it gets scratched it always says the same thing but you can't know that because you don't know what a record is!" shouted Fat Papi.

"Hey, did you eat all my double chocolate candy bars with caramel!"

"Papi, you're like a dead car...you never get started...ah that don't make sense, "said Theo Epstein.

"Ow, man I hate nails. I got another injury to my barefoot foot because that stupid nail went in it. Why do I always get nails in my foot when I don't wear shoes."shouted Drew.

"Drew, you like a carpenter!"

"What, I'm always getting nailed?"

"That's what I hate about you Drew...you always spoil the stupid Fat Albert jokes!" shouted Mark ScatterThrow.

"Blah, blah, blah, blah..."

"I am so sick of Dice-K...always blah, blah, blah.!" shouted Drew.

"He's talking Japanese Dumb Drew." shouted Jason Varitek.

"Hey, ain't ya supposed to do a Fat Albert Joke?" shouted Morales.

"Ah, I can't think of one...I know...Drew you're like a carpenter...always getting screwed!"

"Hey we already said that joke sat Youk and it wasn't funny the first time..."

(Setting a junkyard).

"Ya know, I can't believe anybody actually finds any of this funny."

(Scene... ball field)

"OK, let's play some ball. Timmy...you start."

"Timmy, he's nothing but a fist."

"Hu?"

"You know he knuckles under?"

"Lackey stick to your day job of being a road..."

"Hu?"

"Yah, ya always getting run over!" shouted Jon Lester.

"Hey...are we going to [bleep] [bleep][bleep] a [bleep]..."said Beckett.

"Beckett, you're like a bad 70's TV show...always getting bleeped."

"Hey are we gonna get this game started or do I need to contact Scott Boras and tell him my contract's run out, "shouted Papelbon.

"I don't get it, "said Morales. "I throw strikes...that's what I do but you Papelbon are a Bionic Woman episode...you're always getting cancelled."

(setting...a junk yard)

"OK, it's obvious that they're not going to start a game because they're too busy with stupid one-liners and totally retarded jokes that don't even make any sense. How this show lasted over 10 years on the air, I'll never understand. "


(Setting Ball field)

"Tito, you're like the Emergency Broadcast System...you're always interrupting us."

"You know, if we played the game...instead of telling these stupid jokes...we might have more fun, "said Dustin Pedroia.

"Hey, I got one, "said Carl Crawford. "These three blondes are in a restaurant and they like get a puzzle and they say it took them two days and that made them very happy but the problem was that the puzzle said '3 - 5 years.' Get it."

"Carl, you're like an automatic out with a big paycheck...ah I don't get it, "said Drew.

(Setting...junk yard.)

"OK, so today the gang learned that cracking one liners is different than playing the game of baseball where its all a big joke and...ah roll the [bleeping] credits..."

Na, na. na, gonna have a good time...with Fat Albert

"Hey when do we ever have a good time with Albert. He's always blowing games!"

"Oh real funny guys...ha, ha, you're like ah...ah...ah... " said Fat Albert

Na, na. na, gonna have a good time!!!!