Red Sox News

Hello Red Sox fans. More news from around the world.

Manny and the Phone
Manny Ramirez is burning through his entire fortune in exhaustive phone calls to find someone who supports him. The latest batch didn't work out very well.



"What? Are you sure a big shot like yourself didn't create that TV series. I just figured you being so full of yourself....No! Look I'm sorry OK. I have no idea you didn't write the TV series Kung Fu. Like I said, let's move on here OK...but really are you sure you didn't do some technical advisement you know you people are good with fights and stuff? Hello?"


"Man I can't believe I offended the Dalai Lama. Thought he was supposed to be humble. "


"Ya, Manny Ramirez, all right. You think I'm cool. That's cool...hey are you related to Homer Simpson on the Simpsons since you two have the same last name...hello...hello.


"I can't believe I offended O.J. Simpson...this is depressing."


"Hello, ya, look I never said you were a crappy actor even though you are but that has nothing to do with what I'm calling about. Ya...hello!"


"Al Pachino...what a loser!"

I'm Bret!

Daniel's Denial
Daniel Bard praises the Red Sox and the support he received after the game. Daniel takes it in stride as he hung from Fisk Pole by his underwear most of the night while the team set his car on fire. Daniel had this to say in a very high squeaky voice.

"I...love the Red Sox....they are so nice to me..."

I'm Bret.

Fake Injuries

Thanks to an inside report, apparently all the so-called injuries on the Red Sox have to do with Debby the Hitwoman.

Bobby Jenks
I was new and wanted to fit in. Sox have a strange way of welcoming new people.

Dice-K
The entire team sort of cheered when we heard the ripping sound from my shoulder...I don't like the Red Sox no more.

Matt Albers
You know the team keeps trying to get me to see Debby but I've heard some stories man and right now I'm pitching at my peak so I don't want to risk it.


Jacobe
It was Scott Boras's idea. He said if I was crippled last year then this year if I tried at all I'll be drowning in money because this was the last year of my contract or something. I never understand this hard stuff. So Adrian and I faked a collision and when my rib healed Debby took care of it again with a sledgehammer. You're not gonna tell anyone this are you?


No problem Jacobe, you're secret it safe with me.