Red Sox New News

Things are not going well for the Red Sox. This is something that is on everyone's mind. John Henry especially felt the urge today despite the fact that I begged him to not talk to me.

"Today I have to have a colonoscopy. I'm really nervous. Have you read the form? I mean have you read the form!"

We Put the Fun in Colonoscopy!!!!

"Getting ready for the procedure takes much longer that you expect. According to one study, 16.5 hours, on average — than the actual time you’ll spend at a medical center the day of your colonoscopy. Preparing for a colonoscopy may be uncomfortable and time-consuming, but it needn’t be an ordeal. Actually it can be fun if you take the time to prepare yourself and have a serious fetish for the toilet (optional). Here are some things you can do to help it go as smoothly and comfortably as possible:

• Wear loose clothing...preferably a Moo-moo (nothing to do with cows). Stay near the bathroom. Better yet, once the preparation starts to work, stay in the bathroom — because when the urge hits, it’s hard to hold back. Consider setting up shop near the toilet with music, your laptop, shotgun or an automatic weapon (if you can't take it anymore), or better yet magazines, or books on colonoscopy treatments (preferably with photos).
• 
  You might also want to consider bringing in a mistress of mister depending on the situation -- preferably someone with a fetish for this situation. Following these simple tips can make your appointment both rewarding and satisfying and then you can flush those memories down the drain. Get it!
  

John also added that after reading this he felt that players such as John Lackey, J.D. Drew and Bobby Jenks were well deserving of a similar treatment. He felt that David Ortiz should receive two or three treatments as a bonus as it may change his attitude towards base running -- or strolling through the park as he calls it. He would even pay for Manny Ramirez's and Julio Lugo and offered me a treatment. I declined and ran away at high speed.


On other News, Tito Francona said that he was very excited about the team's future and felt that the month of September was the best yet for the team. Francona also added that LSD goes a long way in tough times.

David Ortiz stated that Alfredo Aceves should be a starter. Theo Epstein added that once David Ortiz knows how to run the bases he can consider managing the team. Until then run out ground balls, don't make stupid base running mistakes and stop looking like Rosanne on the basepaths.


Wow, things are getting tough in Boston! Until next time!