News from Red Sox Nation

This is Bert from Red Sox nation. We're on top of things so you don't have to be. We're here to give you the news that counts.

Manny Gets Busted
Manny Ramirez has stated that a ton of friends are there for him to support him through his recent arrest in Florida.

"Well, I contacted Kevin Youkilis and he told me to [bleep] myself. I couldn't believe that he remembered the time I slugged him in the back of the head. Ya, he's very unforgiving unlike myself. "

"Well, then I contacted Tito Francona and he told me to [bleep] myself. I couldn't believe that he remembered the time I wouldn't play because of my bad left (or right) knee. He's also very unforgiving. Not like I could remember which one it was.

"Well, I contacted Joe Torre and he told me to [bleep] myself. I couldn't believe that he remembered the time I failed a steroid test and whined and complained a lot and told him to [bleep] himself. That was very unprofessional of him...unlike myself of course. "

"Well, I then contacted Joe Madden and he told me to [bleep] myself. I couldn't believe that he remembered the time I failed a steroid test and told him to [bleep] himself and then I quit. He's not very forgiving and that confuses me. "

"Well, then I contacted our loving Red Sox press manager. He told me to [bleep] myself. I couldn't believe that he remembered the time I shoved him to the ground for a ticket issue. That was very upsetting to me so naturally I told him to [bleep] himself and told him the next time we meet I'll do more than a shove. I felt better but then I forgave myself for that transgression. I'm very forgiving. "

"Well, then I contacted Tim Wakefield and he told me to [bleep] himself. I think we were doing OK until I told him that his pitching [bleep] and I guess if you stick around long enough even someone with your talent can will 200. That didn't go over to well. "

This is Bert.

Denial is Healthy
Daniel Bard, who blew two critical games for the Red Sox is in complete denial and proud of it.

"I'm in complete denial. We lost despite my great pitching. It was all the moon's fault. Its aura is affecting my fastball. Just my opinion."

Daniel, who was once the next Jonathan Papelbon didn't admit to exhaustion or being overused. Instead he talked about reincarnation.

"I once dreamed I was Julian the Emperor of Rome fighting the Persians in a great battle that I eventually lost and got killed in and that told me I was once Julian the Roman Emperor. That doesn't like make me insane does it?"

Of course not. I'm Bert.

Tim Wakefield Gets 200 Wins
After trying eight or so times Tim Wakefield finally beat the Blue Jays to give the Red Sox the only win in what seems like years. Tim, who is really the greatest guy you will ever meet had this to say.

"So here I am celebrating and Manny Ramirez calls me all and tells me to [bleep] myself. Talk about a way to ruin an evening. "

I'm Bert.