John Henry Says Fan Alienation Number One Goal!

John Henry, principle owner of the Boston Red Sox, has stated today on a tweet he sent while cheering for the New York Yankees wearing a Yankee uniform -- that's right a Yankee uniform -- that the number one goal of rebuilding the Red Sox is to alienate the fans and he promises that he will do everything in his power to do so.

So far the strategy has worked. Fans boiled over the mishandling of the firing of Terry Francona which John called a work of genius. "I really liked it how I didn't show up or respond but instead watched a soccer game. I think a lot of fans appreciated my efforts. It was lots of fun when my wife sent that Twit as well. You know its not easy being a total ass. It takes effort."

Today everyone was expecting the Sox to fire third base coach Tim Bogar who really struggled in the position but instead fired life long fan and first base coach Ron Johnson. "It makes no sense if you want to rebuild a team, "said John Henry, "which is why we're proud of our efforts and let fans know that our incompetence will continue so they need not worry. I'm making no promises but I see the Sox in last place. It's not a guarantee and I hope fans won't be too disappointed if we fail because we tried our best. "

Today the Cubs requested to speak with Theo Epstein. The Sox have been incredibly silent. "I realize not saying anything makes us sound like idiots which is why we're doing it. We have to rebuild this team. I've already offered contract extensions to Dice-K and John Lackey while trying to dump dead weight like Jacobe Ellsbury and Daniel Bard. It's the 100th anniversary of the Red Sox and I plan to celebrate it in style. We're even working to create a run down atmosphere at Fenway so fans can relive memories of the 1974 Red Sox or the 1978 Red Sox. We're even running non-stop the last inning of game 6 of the 1986 World Series on NESN so that Sox fans will be reminded what makes the Red Sox great!

John Henry says he will continue to be a total [#$#$] and plans to continue his winning ways until every single fan in New England refuses to see a Red Sox game.

"I'd love to talk more but I'm attending tonight's Yankee game. I plan to attend all the Yankee games and root for the best team in baseball. I don't think that will upset fans too much but if they are I know I'm doing my job!"