John Henry's Interview

John Henry gave an interview on WEEI and I can't believe that John could say what he said with a straight face. My little romp will not be written with a straight face. It is of course complete fiction.

Q: Do you think that Theo Epstein is the right man for the job after all these years.

John Henry:
Yes, yes I do. He may have nearly broke the finances of the club with incompetent moves but we support him 100% but you know, having said that, there is a shelf life to GM's. They can only take it for so long and we feel when Theo starts say...wearing gorilla suits...that may be time to have him depart. Fortunately he hasn't done that yet.

Larry Lucchino expressed:
Ya not forever. Ya that's the ticket. Those things are supposed to be like kept private and we have a policy of not discussing anything to anyone unless we know that somebody has permission to discuss something that you're not supposed to discuss. In fact, every year we get requests for people and things and stuff and we never discuss them or the people unless we're the people doing the discussing that we can't discuss about if that makes any sense which is OK since I never make any sense. Does that make sense?

NOTE: Lucchino also added this tidbit...that made no sense:

"A few years ago Theo got an offer from another team but we never discussed it because those things are secret -- which makes no sense of course since I'm discussing it with you now so I guess our policy doesn't make a lot of sense -- except for the people who won't discuss why it won't make sense to the people obeying the policy. Got all that?"

Q:
Epstein was candid last week when he said most, if not all, of his free agent signings were bad. Any comment?

John Henry:
Well...ah...you can't predict the future...that's a good answer right? I mean who could have known that J.D. Drew, for example, was a washed out has been with horrible problems at staying healthy -- which we knew about but ignored. Who could have known that Eric Gagne, after having surgery -- that was fully documented -- and that he was a disaster for the Rangers -- and that was fully documented -- would be a complete fiasco for us. Those things are just very confusing to me. Take Carl Crawford. According to his spray chart he was completely the wrong choice for Boston -- but why would that be a problem? I still can't figure that out? Or John Lackey. Everyone knew he was a disaster yet we got him anyway. I don't know why but Theo used these numbers and charts and I'm a sucker for flowcharts and graphs that make no especially when Theo puts all those nice colors on them. They are so pretty when he creates a gradient effect on the purple. I just can never say no. What can I say?

Lucciono added:
Not that we talk about such things with the public. I mean if Theo say wants to go to Chicago and stay there -- we're not going to say publicly like 'please do it for heaven's sake' because that's something that's private but if he were to go -- I'd be OK with that. Does that make sense? Hey, that actually does make sense.

NOTE: Then Lucciono just jumped in with his usual ramblings. My head started to hurt.

Lucciono: We're actively engaged in that search for a new manager. We're not sitting around twiddling our thumbs or playing video games like Grand Theft Auto -- which I just beat by the way," Lucchino said. "There's a lot to be done. Theo is actively engaged day to day in that search sometimes working over an hour. We just had a meeting with him the other day going through a list of candidates, possibilities. That process is moving ahead. It's not going to happen overnight. Maybe it will never happen. We're not sure. Maybe Rosanne might be the next manager...again that's not something we're going to talk about. I will say that there is nothing to say. I am knee-deep in that thinking."

NOTE: Then It was all about conditioning:

John Henry:
This is the second straight year that on Aug. 1 we looked great and looked like we were headed for a potential World Series, and the second straight year that the team broke down physically," Henry said. "Maybe allowing beer in the clubhouse, maybe letting J.D. Drew be morale officer or perhaps unlimited donuts and coffee...I have NO idea. "

Q: Is it conditioning?

Luccino:

It's certainly an issue that's important to us, physical conditioning," Lucchino said. "I for one don't do it and am overweight with a heart problem but I won't talk about that right now since that's private and only discussed..."

Oh will you shut up, "screamed Henry:

Q: What about drinking in the clubhouse.

John Henry:

Zero tolerance. The last thing we need is to have beer parties in the clubhouse...although I have to admit, John Lackey can't hold his alcohol especially during the strip poker games he and I play...ah...can we talk about something else.

That's it folks!