Welcome to Chicago Theo

Thanks Arnie for this one!!!!

Theo Epstein breathed in the salty air of Lake Michigan -- until he realized it was a fresh water lake and he was inside so he couldn't smell the outside -- and sat down on the chair. He then moved the chair over to the window. The money...the money.

"Sir, you busy?"

"No Arnie, come on in. "

Arnie, the passionate cook and restaurant owner sat down with a notepad. Theo leaned against the desk and dropped his feet on the desk.

"Arnie, how is it I spent $450 million over the past three years, put the Red Sox in third place and still Chicago hires me at 18 million. "

"Well sir, the Cubs have been called the Mets of the Midwest."

"No matter, " said Theo. "What have you got for me today Arnie!"

" "Let's see, "said Arnie. "A double keg cooler, extra large, with a tap for the clubhouse and another for the dugout..."

"The beer?"

"Bud light?"

"Curses, "said Theo. "This is the Cubs. We live in style."

"Rolling Rock?"

"Much better. "

"OK, " said Arnie. "A deep fryer, a flat top grill, pizza oven. Nothing fancy, no saute' station or garde manger setup. Of course, the big expense should be and will be the hood and Ansul system, but hey, it's worth it. "

"So far so good! What's an Ansul system?"

"How did you graduate from Harvard and not know this?"

"They don't call me Elmer Epstein for nothin'."

"And you're proud of that....OK."

Arnie paused and composed himself.

"Now we're taking out the fried chicken and beer from the clubhouse and upgrading it to include some nicer dishes that reflect your good taste. So I think a nice Cubs Clubhouse Brunch is in order: Eggs Benedict, Smoked Trout and goat cheese Omelet, Clams Casino, Grape and Fennel Focaccia, Blintzes, Lox and Bagel plate..... Mimosas, Champagne and Chambord, Red Beer. Bloody Mary.........and my signature Chocolate Truffles, Key Lime Pie, Creme Brulee, heck, maybe I'll spring for Baked Alaska..."

"Arnie, I think I wet my pants."

"You can keep that to yourself Theo."

"OK."
Just then Lugo walked in and started to plaster Red Sox wallpaper on the windows."

"Good job Lugo."

"Yes sir."

Arnie shook his head in confusion and Theo laughed.

"Why Arnie, what confuses you about me."

"That would take to long to explain and my $2 million dollar salary isn't enough to make me explain it. "

"Suit yourself -- get it...suit yourself?"

"Not really?"

Theo got up and walked to the window before slamming into it.

"Dammit Lugo. I can't tell when I hit a window unless you paper it with Red Sox wallpaper. Hurry up."

"Sorry boss...trying my best."

"I heard, "said Arnie, "that you're making Drew the team doctor. Good choice."

"Yes, "said Theo. "Drew knows more about ailments than anyone else. Vertigo, pulled muscles, spasms, bad teeth and hairstyles, broken fingernails, cuts bruises, back problems -- his specialty by the way. I am sure that within a few weeks the DL will be filled with his patients. I just hope Chicago has deep pockets...ha.ha.ha..ha.'

Arnie shook his head as the hysterical laughter of Theo filled the room.

"OK, enough of that. I've appointed Gagne as team manager and John Lackey -- if I can convince Chicago of this -- to be the pitching coach. Yes Arnie, the great ruler of baseball will take Chicago and put them in the World Series as victors next year. Yes I will."

"Seriously???"

"Na, "said Theo. "They'll be lucky if they get into fourth place for the next ten years. "

"Whew, "said Arnie. "You were scaring me for a second there."

"OK that will be it for now. Have a good day Arnie."

"You too Theo."

Arnie walked out as Theo felt wet wallpaper stick to his back.

"The window Lugnuts, the window."

"Not the computer you idiot. I'm not talking Windows, I'm talking the Window."

"Yes sir."

Theo shook his head and wiped the wallpaper paste off his back. He sat down and fell asleep.