Mike Lowell and Ellen

Mike sat comfortably in his psychiatrist's office with a gleaming and heartfelt smile that he had not done in a long time. His doctor, who sat down on the chair, watched him intently,

"Mike, I haven't seen you this happy in a long time. Did you finally take my advice and take a vacation. "

Mike, who folded his hands together nodded and said, "you know after retiring from baseball and taking on a radio show -- I was just depressed but then something happened to me that changed everything."

"I can't wait to hear it."

"It all started simple enough. I was doing my radio show -- which I hated -- but it gave me something to do -- when out of the blue, this person calls up. I mean, so what right! Well, I hear her breathing on the phone. I could tell she was nervous and I kind of sighed. I got one word out of her though. Hi. "

Mike paused and smiled.

"That hi meant everything to me. I mean...I was almost in tears when I heard that."

Mike's psychiatrist nodded with a confused look on his face. "uh-hu, "he said.

"No really. This went on for a week. She would call in, sputter and stumble and then say hi. Every day my heart filled with happiness at that moment. I knew it was Ellen."

"Ellen? She just said...hi."

"Yup."

"Mike are you on any medication?"

"Come on, "laughed Mike. "This woman changed my life but it wasn't the hi that was it. It was the food. She's one hell of a cook."

"Oh, "said the doctor. "I see. "

"Ya, "said Mike who leaned back and starred into the memory of the first taste of her food. "

"One day she had enough courage to email me one of her favorite dishes. I tried it out and I gotta tell ya. When I took that first bite of her Meatloaf....I began to understand why life was so precious to me and why I needed to live it to the fullest."

Mike's psychiatrist leaned forward unable to speak. "OK, let me understand this right. You found the meaning of life...from meatloaf?"

"I like to call it Ellen-Loaf but ya, it changed me. When I first bit that meatloaf covered in worchester sauce, I just felt like Washington, the day he defeated the British and signed the peace treaty to end the Revolutionary War. It was that profound."

"Mike, are you sure we don't need to get you on some medication?"

Mike laughed and smiled with a gleam out of a toothpaste commercial.

"Come on...I'm fine but there's more. Lots more!"

"OK, "said the psychiatrist.

Mike leaned forward giddy with excitement.

"I felt lost after the end of my career. I felt really lost. I mean I wasn't Mike Lowell anymore. Baseball was my life but one call on the show from dear, sweet, loving Ellen who told me about a two for one sale with an online coupon at Sears on Polo Shirts...the tears that flowed down my face... you can't imagine the feeling I had. When she told me that, I knew I had to go on living. I knew I had a purpose in life. I mean, when Neal Armstrong stepped on the moon, until she told me about that coupon and special...I couldn't even imagine what Neal felt...now I do."

"Mike...are you insane!"

"I am not insane...come on. It was a special from Sears and let me tell you those shirts are so comfortable and I saved so much money. In addition I did it between the hours of 1:00 am and 3:00 am so I saved an additional 10%. It was like I got them for free but would I have had this happen were it not for loving, tender, warm Ellen -- I don't think so!"

"OK Mike, "said the doctor. "I really think a new regiment of medication will be very helpful to you at this point."

"Come on...oh did I tell you about what Ellen did for me."

"Must you?"

"Come on. Did you know that I needed a good heartwarming cry. I did and Ellen told me about this amazing show from the 60's. It's called Gilligan's..I cry every episode. This moving series about seven people trapped on an island...those poor people. If they would only kill Gilligan and...but they have such love for him. This series has such complexity and depth. It's so moving to me...what love and compassion they have for each other. It reminded me that friendship and love are what makes life worth living."

Mike's open tears dripped on his Sear's polo shirt but he didn't care. He grabbed a hankerchief that he got at Sears on the buy one get one free special...Ellen -- every time I wipe my eyes I think of you thought Mike.

"Mike, I'm going to schedule for Electro Shock Treatment but is there anything else."

"Ya, "cried Mike. "Ellen... she emailed me...she told me about season tickets for the Rays available at the Grocery store with purchase of fifteen boxes of Chex and twenty five boxes of Orville popcorn and fifty bottles of Excedrin and I got a free cowbell. I love her...Ellen is all that matters to me now..."

Mike wiped his eyes.

"Can we finish this later. I need to get home and make some Pork Fried Bacon Bits. I need to feel Ellen in my heart and that dish always...gets to me..."

'OK Mike, I'm going to call the men in white coats and you're going to go with them..."

Mike sighed and smiled.

"Have you ever tried a...Twinkie..."

The doctor silently called 911.

Mike picked up the phone. I have to call Ellen...tell her about my day. Mike waited and smiled as the phone rang.

"hello?"

"Ellen, Mike Lowell..."

'Mike...I'm at work now...can this wait?"

"I can't Ellen...I can't."

" Mike, you've got to learn to live on your own...without me! Stop this incessant calling!"

"Ellen...this is Mike Lowell...you're friend...you're..."

"Mike...get a hold of yourself. It's bad enough that Tim Wakefield calls me for physical exercise tips, Terry Francona needs my therapy, Theo Epstein needs my math help, John Henry needs my help on Calculus, David Ortiz needs my help on physical training, Adrian Gonsalez needs my help on religious matters, Jason Varitek needs help on affordable life insurance, Carl Crawford needs my help on self confidence and to top it all off, J.D. Drew keeps calling me on pain management. I've had enough. I only have so many hours in a day. I am not the Red Sox therapist!"

"Ellen..."

"No Mike..it's over. I can't take the time. Jonathan Papelbon really needs my help right now on discovering that the Smurfs are not real and that he has not been butt probed by aliens from Mars. That is consuming a lot of my time. It ain't easy!"

"OK Ellen but..."

"No butts Mike...ha no pun intended...anyway I have to go. I'm dealing with Ozzie of the White Sox and anger management lessons. So far I've gotten him to avoid burning down his house. I've got to go."

Mike hung up the phone and sighed.

"Ellen is the best!"

THE END