Epstein Reboots team!

John Henry, President of the Red Sox and currently at the Boston Center for the mentally insane had no comment when Theo Epstein dismantled the entire Red Sox organization in what he calls "a moment of genius" and rebooted the organization. Theo Epstein took the idea from the new Spiderman film.
"They fired Toby McGuire and everyone and started with a new cast and I thought...why not the Red Sox! After all why can't you just reboot the Red Sox. I never cease to amaze myself. "

Theo, who is known for making horrific moves that cripple teams talked about the new lineup.

"Carlton Fisk is a bit out of shape but Fisk is our catcher. We need his leadership from the 1975 World Series team and are confident in his abilities to handle our pitching staff at age 63."
Carlton who ruptured a spleen and was sent to Mass General after getting hit in the gut with a foul ball says he was confused about the idea. "I figured it was a charity thing or something but you know...Theo's kind of insane...anyway I have to worry about my health now."
Eric Gagne, who signed a five year contract was excited about playing first base and has only made 19 errors in 3 games. Julio Lugo will resume shortstop (121 errors in one game) and Bill Buckner will pitch.
"It will give me a chance to redeem myself and the idea of a two million dollar contract to basically get injured was something I couldn't pass up. Anyway, I got to sign papers now. I'm on the D.L."
Other fan favorites include Rob Reiner of All In the Family fame.
"I really liked Rob directing movies and I thought he can easily play left field with those abilities. "
Nobody understand what Theo meant especially since Rob broke his back trying to catch a line drive. He is resting comfortably and suing Theo Epstein.
"I also like the idea of Leonard Nimoy playing third base. As Mr. Spock he has a much longer lifespan than humans and should be OK with the position."
Nimoy, who suffered a concussion from the first line drive was not available for comment.
Other ones include a man named Iceman who was a hitman for the Mafia. Iceman just got released from prison and while not executing enemies (several New York Yankee players remain missing) is really enjoying his new role as second baseman.
"Sebastia was the easiest. Gotta love Twinkies but A-Rod can run but you know with...hey are you taping this?"
Theo Epstein said manager Dick Cheney, who suffered a heart attack during the game was probably not a good idea and will go with William Shatner of Price Line fame. Shatner took the money and ran wished the Sox well.
So far the Sox are 0 and 110 but Theo says good times are ahead.