Joe Derive and Theo Epstein

Hey Red Sox fans,

OK, nothing to cheer about but there is hope for the future. Recently, I interviewed Theo Epstein and got the inside scoop on the Red Sox and then had a few drinks afterwards.

"Theo, there is lots of talk on what happened with Julio Lugo."

"Well, we felt we had a great shortstop that just failed to perform up to expectations. Julio certainly gave his all and we're sorry that it didn't work out for us which sometimes is a pattern that we have to come to terms with."

(Translation: Lugo sucked no matter how hard he tried, and we're still paying him. Boy did I mess that up...again)

"Many are certainly questioning David Ortiz and his role in the Red Sox uniform. What is his future?"

"It's far too eary to answer that question. David is exhibiting great struggles at the plate but the Red Sox are fully behind him. David's role reflects our role so we want him to succeed. "

(Translation: David's time is over, and he sucks as much as I do right now and he's making me look bad but how hard is that."

"Mike Lowell has given so much to this organization and its so hard to see him struggle the way he has. Is there a role for Mike."

"Unfortunately, Mikey has not succeeded the way we hoped and I just can't see a future role for him in this organization but Mike is certainly capable of retiring in a Red Sox uniform and we will miss him. Our main concern right now is finding someone as D.H. if David fails to live up to his end of the bargain."

(Translation: I'm too stupid to see Mikey as the next D.H. and would rather see him retire and do nothing than give him a chance to succeed."

"What are plans for Dice-K and how dissapointed were you when he failed to pitch the entire season.'

"Our organization strives to get the best 25 players on the field. Sometimes that doesn't always work out that way. It's so easy to explore a few minor descrepencies and overlook two world championships and certainly Dice-K fits into that mix.

(Translation: Have mercy on me. I know I suck and make really stupid decisions and I should be fired, but that's not my problem...oh ya, we were talking about Dice-K."

"Do you guys keep up with players like Justin Masterson and Victor Martinez or Jason bay who have moved on to other teams and makde great carreers for themselves."

"We are certainly happy for the contributions that these players have given to the Red Sox organization. Sadly we were unable to keep them despite their great talents and that is always an unfortunate situation in the world of baseball where the Red Sox has only so much room and money for this talent. It's certainly not my fault that these people were unable to stay but consider Eric Gagne. We offered him a contract and he turned it down."

(Translation: I don't even realize the fact that these players are superstars and am much more content to talk about Eric Gagne who was about the biggest disaster in the history of my stay but what do I know. I'm still trying to get the air out of my brain so I can think again."

Whew, anyway you wonder why the Sox are struggling right?