Theo Epstein's day...Part II

Two and a half hours later Theo found Fenway park. It's really hard for him to find the park. Those green walls block his view of the city and prevented him from looking for the green walls that are Fenway Park.
Theo finally drove to the front gate. The guard stopped him.
"Morning Mr. Epstein."
Theo looked at the clock.
"I'm late. It's 2:30 am."
The guard chuckled and said, "Theo you have to tell the clock what time it is and it an't 4:30 am."
Theo looked at the guard and said, "the clock tells me what time it is. Why have a clock if I have to tell it what time it is."
The guard nodded and said, "You know there is a certain logic to what you say and that's what worries me."
The guard opened the gate.
"Can you turn off those stupid harzard warning lights Theo. They hurt my eyes!"
Theo ignored what he said and found a spot. He wanted to get out of his car but the seatbelt was locked in place.
"Why don't they make a way to get out of a seatbelt!"
Theo then heard a thump on the door. He waved and opened the door. The guard came in and unlocked Theo's seatbelt.
"Thank you, "said Theo.
"Do you have a drivers license Mr. Epstein."
"Only to drive, "said Theo.
The guard paused and then smiled and waved him goodbye.
Theo walked into the building and then upstairs to his office. He knocked on the door. Nobody answered.
Theo knocked on the door again.
"hello!"
He then sighed and said, "Theo Epstein is not in there so I must go in there so Theo can be in the room. That is logical."
Theo opened the door and walked to the desk and sat on the desk. He logged into his computer on the chair. He wanted chairs (his desk) to be smaller and desks (his chair) to be larger. It was beyond him to figure it all out.
"Hello."
The phone rang. Theo picked up the receiver and put it back down again.
"Why do they make office phones that make noisy rings. Only my house phone should do that. Office phones can't!"
John Henry walked in.
"Theo...why didn't you answer the phone!"
Theo looked up and said, "it didn't ask me a question. How can I answer it?"
John smiled a nervous smile and backed into the hallway.
"Bye!"
"Bye!
Theo heard the phone ring again. He picked it up and felt the urge to answer this time.
"I am the key, "said the strange voice on the phone.
"I am the lock, "said Theo Epstein.
"You have done well Theo. I couldn't have predicted that you could properly destroy a team so quickly in two years. Had I known you were this stupid I would have just let you do your
thing."
"I am the lock, "said Theo Epstein.
"You need next get Jonathan Van Every. He will be your new outfielder. "
"I am the lock."
A sigh was heard on the phone.
"Get Jonathan #$#$ Every for your team!"
Theo nodded to the phone and said, "I am the lock."
The man hung up.
"Have a good day Mr. Steinbrenner, "said Theo.
Theo then looked at his computer.
"We should get Jonathan Van Every. That seems like a stupid move. "
Theo looked at the wall. Theo then fell on the desk and fell asleep. Such was the long day of Theo Epstein.