Dice-K Writes Tell All Book!

Dice-K was in New York today to celebrate his new book "In My Life, My Greatness Speaks" at Barns and Noble book store. He was rather frustrated at the lack of fans signing his book and spoke frankly about it. I was rather grateful.

"I don't understand why the #$#$ people refused to want me to sign my book. I sat there for two hours and got one kid who wanted to know where the bathroom was. I only told him IF he bought a copy of my book! Mom wasn't happy but this could change the kids life."

Dice-K was frank about his experience with the Sox and it wasn't always kind.

"I think I had to be first and foremost honestly about my experiences. The Sox only won in 2007 because I played. Sure others helped but when you're that talented its really hard to admit how you pale in comparison to me. I think a lot of guys felt like they could never show how good they are because I could outshine all of them. I mean I try to keep humble but when you're that good do you need to!"

Dice-K talked about 2009 and his struggles as well as his struggles in 2010 as well as his struggles in 2008 and 2007.

"The Sox had no patience with me. Their training techniques, baseball design and park design all contributed to ruining me as a pitcher. I know a lot of Japanese players will come to America and struggle and there is a long list of people to blame. I have spent most of my time blaming everyone because when I look at myself I only see perfection so it has to be everyone else. "

Dice-K was frank, in a delusional sort of way about his experiences with the team.

"Sometimes Tito felt he couldn't manage the game and it was hard managing the team and playing in the 2007 World Series but I had to take over. He was just too stupid to figure things out. He needed me. I was willing to help but it was his fault that I was unable to pitch well because he did it. I also blame the audience for shouting too loud and the cold temperatures and Jason Varitek and Theo Epstein and television and the old spill and global warming and nuclear power and pollution for bringing me down. Its time America see that its all their fault and not mine. "

Dice-K described his pitching techniques.

"As a future Hall Of Famer and the greatest pitcher the game has ever known, I can encourage kids that if you can survive these impossible conditions in America you can achieve some greatness that is pale compared to mine of course. Look at me, even when I don't pitch at all they pay me money. That shows that its my presence alone decides if the team wins or loses. They treated me bad this year. My back pain happened because David Ortiz shouted too long and threw the back muscles off. I had to take a long vacation just to recover. I'm not sure how long I can survive in this league.

Dice-K also talked about what he needs to succeed.

"First, I need to own the team and make all decisions. Second, I need a permanent home on the water. Third, I need a personal jet and a personal chef. Fourth, I need to be worshiped as a deity. Finally, it is Dice-K and the rest. That is how you need to know me. "

I'm Joe Derive and I'm going to leave before I personally kill this idiot.