Theo's Gas station

Time to laugh again.

A car rolled up the driveway on Theo's gas station. A large complex with tons of equipment for repair and maintenance. Most if it useless and not functional. Theo Epstein liked it that way.
"Hey...anybody home."
Dice-K walked up to the person yawning.
"Ya."
"Look, we're stuck. We barely made it here. Our car broke down. Can you help us!"
Dice-K yawned and said, "Oh...ya...sure...I'm taking a nap now. Talk to you later. Ah....comfy."
Dice-K walked off.
"I hope they don't pay that guy much!"
"Nobody with brains would!"
Theo walked up.
"Wow, what happened."
The man sighed in relief.
"Our engine started overheating. Flames poured out. We downed it with water and drove here.
"Wow, looks like your car door has a scratch in it! This could be serious!", said Theo.
The man looked at him.
"Are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said?"
Theo sighed and said, "We should be able to take out the scratch. We should concentrate on scratch prevention!"
'What about our car!"
"Oh don't worry, we can sell it! We need to concentrate on car prevention!"
"How can you run this station when you can't even figure out where the problems are!"
Theo signed and said, 'look at that carpet stain. We need to concentrate on stain prevention."
"Hey Beltre!"
Beltre rushed out tripping over several hoses. He then spilled the wrenches he had in his hand making clanging sounds on the ground. He tried picking them up. One flung into the gas station window and smashed the glass. Another went on top of the roof. Beltre then walked over kicking over a can of gasoline and then two cans of oil.
"Ya boss!"
"He's not working on our car is he!"
"No of course not. I just wanted a flashlight Beltre!"
Tito ran out and screamed. "BELTRE! I'm only giving you fifty more chances before I fire you!"
Beltre went back into the gas station tripping over some paper towels and spilling the wrenches.
"Hey, I'm trying to sleep here, "shouted Dice-K.
The man turned towards Theo and said, "What kind of an idiot gas station are you running here!"
Big Papi came out.
"What's the problem boss!"
"Look at this scratch here David!"
David walked over. He look at the ground.
"I don't see a scratch!"
"No here, "shouted Theo.
David looked at the sky.
"On the door of the car David."
David walked over and looked at the glass.
Theo sighed.
"Another time David."
David nodded with frustration and walked back to the gas station. He mumbled, "Big Papi can't figure it out!"
David then slammed into the wall.
"The doors over to the left!"
"Hey, I'm trying to sleep here, "shouted Dice-K.
Big Papi then kept slamming into the door. The man just looked.
"Can you fix my engine or not!"
Theo nodded. He called to Tim Wakefield.
"What, "snapped Tim.
"Did you clean the bathrooms yet?"
Tim threw down his sponge.
"I was as good as any mechanic here. Why'd you do this to me. Why!"
Theo shrugged.
"Hey stop shouting. I'm trying to sleep here, "snapped Dice-K.
"So Dice-K gets to sleep all day when I bust my tail off. It's not fair Tito!"
Tito got out and said, "I'll give you 200 more chances to work things out." He then left.
Mike Lowell walked out and looked at the car.
"I can fix this. Obvious thermostat problem."
"No, "said Theo. "I want David to look at it."
Mike burned with anger.
"Fine...fine! This whole station is screwed up! David can't even find the DOOR and I'm the one who knows what he's doing and you're always trying to get rid of me. You're an idiot Theo!"
Mike stormed out.
"Hey, I'm trying to sleep here..."
"Aw shut up Dice-K. "
Papi walked out and looked at the car.
"Over here, "shouted Theo.
The man was burning with anger. David looked at the man and said, "Big Papi fix car. "
Papi then walked back to the station.
"He just walked back inside. All he does is walk around. Why can't you use Mike Lowell?"
shouted the man.
"He's a terrible mechanic. Papi is much better!"
"How!"
"Ow, "shouted Ellsbury. "You idiot. I broke a rib!"
Beltre apologized as he accidently waved his leg in the air and kicked Ellsbury.
"I'll give you fifteen more chances Beltre!"
The man shook his head.
"No baseball team would be run as badly as this gas station."