Umpires get questions

It seems the more you look at baseball's blame game, the more you look at umpires. They are the crux that drives everyone insane. I understand that sentiment. Consider the latest press interview with an umpire named Joe West. I'm Joe Derive.

"What? Of course we are con-sis...what's that word?"

Consistent.

"Oh ya, well we're that. People tell me we don't know what we're doing but we do! We know it at all times but I tell ya, it's stressful being an umpire Dale."

I'm Joe. My name is Joe...Joe Derive.

"OK Joe Dolt.."

Derive. I'm Joe Derive!!!!

"OK Fred, the point is...'

How in hell can you call a game when you can't get my name right!

"Look, Nancy, I told you over and over again, I'm not gay and I don't like playing with Barbie dolls."

Are you nuts?

"No I am not in Washington. I'm on Mars. I haven't been the same since the alien probe. Man that hurt. "


Do you know what a strike zone is?

"Strike zone? Of course I know. It's hard being an umpire not that I guess at it of course. I mean Gary what I'm trying to say is that..."

It's Joe and we need to end this interview Joe.

"Hey, my name's Joe!"

So is mine!

"Who's on first. I love that line. That's from Tim McCarver. He invented it after he invented the light bulb."

As you can see, I decided it was best to cancel our interview. Joe was plain nuts and I wanted to be as far from it as I could.