The News from Florida.

Hi, I'm Joe Derive.  A lot has been happening in Florida -- some of it actually good.  With two pitches and an arm that gave up five runs, Daniel Bard says he's ready.

"Take away the five runs and this is a great performance.  I am the KING!"

OK, Daniel, that's like saying, take away the accidental explosion of the power plant and it was a complete success.  Can you say delusion?


Speaking of self-inflicted delusion, Bobby Jenks, everybody's favorite fall guy was arrested after smashing into two cars, getting drunk and leaving the scene of the accident.  Bobby said he was sorry.


"I'm sorry."

I said you were SORRY

"Oh ya, I'm really sorry.  That was bad.  "

Much better.  OK Bobby didn't quite exemplify himself in the eyes of management and all eyes are now desperate for Dice-K to return.  Did you ever imagine that one?  I said it again, everyone wants Dice-K to return.

"I really want to say again Joe, I'm sorry but I can't discuss an ongoing case..."

We got it Bobby Jenks OK.  I've moved on.

"Sorry."

Stop saying you're sorry OK!

"Sorry."

Anyway, other news includes that the Sox haven't won a spring training game in so long they look like the 67 Mets.  I mean the problem is they have no pitching.

'Our pitching is just great mainly because of me, Daniel Bard.  Take away my bad starts and my lack of three pitches and I'm the best arm on the team.  I want to be a starter.  It's less work."

OK will you guys please stop interrupting me. 

"Sorry."

Bobby, stop saying I'm sorry.  Can't you say anything else!

"I would but because of the ongoing case, I'm prohibited..."

Blah, blah, blah.  I'm Joe Derive.

"Hey I'd say something but since this its not an ongoing case..."

I'M JOE...help me.