It's a beautiful day out here in Wringly field where Roger Clemens will be taking the mound. Properly juiced up, Roger says he will be throwing a 150 mph fastball for starters but he's got steroid user Manny Ramirez ready to pound the ball into left field. Behind the plate is catcher Kelly Shoppach who says that steroids help him have 140 lbs of muscle. Let's get started.
Roger on the mound aims the ball towards home plate. What concentration! He winds up, he throws...
Oh his arm fell off. Oh what a shame. Roger was going so well. Their cleaning up the mess now and picking up Roger's arm. It's just so heavy from steroid use that their grabbing several people now to pick it up. What a shame, I really wanted to see Roger's fastball in action.
Oh more trouble. Manny taking some practice swings while ready and his arms fell off. They just tore off from his body. Wow, those steroids are doing their job all right. Manny is in pain on the ground now. Kelly Shoppach is trying to head over but having problems with two dislocated hips from steroid use. Wow, we have a spokesperson from 'All Drug' who is going to answer some questions.
'First, let me say that the use of steroids is perfectly safe and reasonable even from teenage athletes...'
"Their arms came off their bodies...that's safe.'
'We at All Drug feel that improper use of steroids can lead to dangers. We are asking for responsible use of our drugs. For example, the maximum usage is one tablet per day while most players were taking one bottle or 100 tablets per day. While we encourage such usage under extreme conditions we do not recommend it for daily usage.'
That's a load of CRAP.'
"yes it is but we're also sponsoring this game AND paying your inflated salary...'
'I see your point. Ya go steroids. I'm Curt 'All Drug' Schilling'
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