Red Sox Sell Outs

Hi, I'm Joe Derive.  This was the image last night -- an EMPTY park.  How was this possible?  I asked Larry Luchionno in an exclusive interview.








Joe:  Larry, how can you have a sellout crowd...with empty seats?

Larry:  I understand fan's confusion.  The reality is that that night was superhero night at the park.  We hosted the entire DC league of amazing superheroes and we're just so excited for the fans.   It really filled up most of the stadium.

Joe:  Where were they?

Larry:  They were there.

Joe:  Where?

Larry:  In the seats...I mean I don't understand the question. 

Joe:  I...only saw empty seats.

Larry:  Oh that's right.  Our multi-dimensional glasses, available at the Fenway Park store is the only way you're going to see them as they are from another dimension.  Our normal vision can't pick them up without the glasses.  Fans can pick them up for $24,000,000 and they then can enjoy talking with and hanging out with the likes of Superman, Batman, etc.

Joe: Ah...I didn't see them at the store.

Larry:  Oh the Justice League asked us to not sell the item that particular night since they all decided to take off their masks.  I mean, you can't reveal the identity of Batman (whispering -- it's Bruce Wayne by the way, but don't say I said it.)   I mean they want their privacy.   You know how it is.  Everybody wants to have a beer with HawkGirl.  Personally, I prefer Huntress.  Just my opinion.

These are the only images we have of HawkGirl and we have Huntress.  I'm sure you can tell the difference.  (Hawkgirl has wings) The problem is -- They're NOT REAL!

Larry: I sense you're at a loss.  Believe me, ask any of the vendors and they'll tell you that, for instance, Superman ate 354 hotdogs and twelve bags of peanuts.  He needs his energy to fight Brainiac and.,..


Joe:  Larry...listen to me.  The park isn't selling out anymore.  That's to be expected.

Larry: It IS selling out.  We're just expanding our market.  Believe me.

Larry also provided for us a photo of Superman.  Apparently he was visible BEFORE he went inside Fenway park.

Joe:  Larry, how can you possibly sell hotdogs and peanuts to characters from another dimension?

Larry:  That's a problem but with the dimensional portals, provided to us by the evil Darkside, it wasn't that bad.  Our vendors sold them the peanuts and popcorn then transported back to our dimension.  They really liked, by the way, selling to Flash -- he's a quick spender...get it?

Joe:  (I got it Larry -- you're insane!!!!).   Ya, got it Larry.

Larry:  Be sure to join us tomorrow for Marvel day.  Spiderman is throwing out the first pitch.

We'll until that moment happens, Larry wants you to know that tickets are available for all games.  If you need say, three tickets, buy 4 or 50 because they're are plenty of empty seats. 

I'm Joe Derive.